"AITA for buying a wedding dress back?'
I (25F) am not currently dating anybody. However, my brother 'Steve' (25M) is marrying his girlfriend 'Natalie' (26F) of 4 years later in the fall. When Steve and I were 8, our parents (now 59M and 56F) divorced. Our parents had 50/50 custody, though I was always closer to our mother and Steve to our father.
Our mother had saved her wedding dress, made by her grandmother, for Steve and I to each use on our wedding day, with the clause that we would return it in good condition for her to keep and hand down as she saw fit.
Natalie knows about this agreement and has said that she would rather buy her own dress. We're all fine with that, but found it weird when, 2 weeks ago, Steve asked if he could have the dress.
My mother asked why Natalie would want it, and Steve clarified that she didn't want it, but he wanted to keep it in his closet leading up to the wedding so that he could feel like he was part of the tradition. My mother gave him the dress.
About a week ago, I saw the dress for sale on Facebook. I was enraged and betrayed that they would sell a tradition without consulting any of us. I used my friend's account to buy the dress back.
When I showed up to my mother's house with the dress, she was confused, but when I told her what Steve and Natalie tried to do, she was distraught. She burst into tears and called our father.
He responded that Steve and Natalie had told him that they were renting out the dress for extra money to fund the wedding, and that he didn't see any problem with it as long as the dress was kept in good condition.
A few hours later Steve and Natalie started blowing up my phone as my father had told them that I had tattled to my mother, who then told our father, who then berated them for lying to him.
They asked why I was being so nosy in their wedding plans. I explained to them that I had actually bought the dress and wasn't just stalking their Facebook for fun.
Everything was getting very complicated with all the phone calls so I organized a physical family meeting at Steve and Natalie's apartment. This is where I might be the AH: everybody started shouting at each other.
My mother was angry at Steve and Natalie for selling the dress, and our father for calling her dramatic.
Our father was angry at Steve and Natalie for telling him that they were renting the dress when they were selling it, angry at my mother for crying and wailing about it, and angry at me for getting us all together before anybody had a chance to calm down.
Steve and Natalie are angry at our mother and father for not 'supporting' their financial decisions and angry at me for 'meddling in their wedding plans.' I'm angry at Steve and Natalie for selling a dress that isn't there's.
Everybody's angry at me for keeping the dress at my house, but Steve and Natalie have keys to my mother's house, not mine, and I can't trust them to not just take the dress back. aita?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
kulbreez97 writes:
NTA . You can't make financial decisions with other people's valuables. Your brother and fiance are major AHs and your dad sounds like a bit of a jerk, too. Your mom is heartbroken. Of course she is. The boy she raised lies to her and stole from her.
Don't accept blame for figuring out and intervening in your brother's plot. And make sure he pays you what you spent (or call it his wedding gift!)
Don't make yourself the bad guy.. don't let them male you the bad guy. You did the right thing. You protected the family heirloom that was so important to your mom. Had she found out it was sold to a stranger... I can't even imagine.
crystallz2000 writes:
OP, I would text your dad and brother. 'Can I borrow your cars? I know we don't have to tell each other these things, but I don't actually need to borrow it, I'm going to rent it out to other people, but that's completely okay and not your business what I do with something once I ask to use it. Totally okay, right?'
And DEFINITELY talk to your mom about her will and maybe help her rekey her locks.
My grandpa had it written into his will that my family was supposed to go through his house first, because he knew we'd actually keep sentimental things and not sell them. My aunts 'cleaned' the house first, since they had keys, and stripped it of everything of value.
No, I think the plan was for them to say they rented it out which was why Brother told his Dad - he wanted half parental consent. They absolutely would've claimed it was never returned. They were never, ever going to admit to selling it
Now that you mention this, it's probably what they were trying to do! I was trying to wrap my head around what they would have argued but this is a good idea!
INFO: why the heck did you buy it instead of just telling your mom so she could put a stop to the sale?
I wanted to prevent anybody else from getting to it first. My mother could have called Steve and Natalie in that time, but I was (admittedly irrationally) worried that somebody else would purchase the dress and we'd have to involve an outside person in this mess as well, which is a hassle I don't think that my mother needs.
NTA How much did it cost you?
It was a few thousand dollars, which my mother has agreed to repay most of.