Woman 'humiliates' mother in front of family for meddling in wedding proposal.
When this woman is torn about how she treated her mom, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for yelling at my mom in front of our whole family because she pushed my boyfriend into proposing to me?'
So basically I (27F) have been with boyfriend (30M) for about 8 years. We have talked about marriage multiple times throughout our relationship but both agree that it’s not what either of us want, for right now at least.
To be completely honest, the only reason I would get married is later on for medical and administrative reasons but also because I get to wear a pretty dress. He feels the same way which is something that we settled at the beginning of our relationship.
Now is where my mother comes in, she’s always had this idea of what my life should be like. She always thought I would be married and popping out babies by now but that really isn’t what I want for myself.
I have become a master at just ignoring all her constant remarks about my relationships status and how badly she wants to be a grandma.
I told her that I understand but it’s not what me and my boyfriend want for the moment. I have had this conversation with her many times but she just won’t let it go.
I had noticed recently that my boyfriend was acting secretive but honestly I just thought he was planning something for my birthday.
Fast forward to this weekend, we were hosting a family dinner for my birthday and my whole family flew out to be here. During the night I noticed my mom and bf were constantly sneaking around and whispering but I didn’t think much of it.
Everything was going great until it was to open presents and suddenly it gets to my bfs turn he gets down on one knee and proposes in front of everyone.
I was shocked and immediately told him asked him what he was doing, things got awkward fast. I took him aside and asking what was going on that we had talked about this not being the right time and neither of us wanting to be married for now.
Turns out my mother has been telling him for months how apparently I am dying to get married but I don’t want to tell him because I know he’s not ready and I don’t want I push him away but that if he loved me he would take this step because it’s what I want.
I was livid and immediately went back out to were everyone was and started yelling at my mom telling her that this is a new low even for her and I can’t believe she would be so selfish and basically trick my boyfriend into proposing to me.
She replied by saying she only did this because she though it was what I wanted and I told her no mom this is what you wanted and stormed out.
I haven’t contacted her since but I have received messages from multiple family members saying I shouldn’t have yelled at her in front of everyone especially since she thought she doing the right thing.
For anyone wondering me and boyfriend talked about it and I told him I just wish he would have talked to me about it and that he should have known that this isn’t something I would want at all but we are fine and have decided to move past this.
So AITA for yelling at my mom in front of the family?
Well, let's find out.
voltageluxry writes:
NTA, but even if your SO was tricked into proposing, this might be something he wants to do. After 8 long years of just “boyfriend” you have to consider that he might want to promoted to “husband”.
You commented yourself he might just be going with the flow to appease you. In this case the flow manipulated towards marriage. Definitely gotta talk this through, thoroughly.
And in the grand scheme of things, marriage is much more of a commitment than just boy/girl-friend (that which can be conceived within days, and can break up at any time, for any reason).
lilychicago writes:
Also, your mother is not entitled to grandchildren and should not be pressuring you about that.
I would love grandchildren, but that's not something I can control. I would never pester my kids about it. NTA.
globalmonk5778 writes:
You know how manipulative she is - and that’s exactly why she made him do it in front of the entire family. In the hope that you would feel pressured into saying yes. Well done for standing up to her. NTA.
Prepare a script to send to the family members and then tell them all that the conversation is over.
Consider going low contact or more with your mother, she clearly doesn’t have your best interests at heart here and never has otherwise she’d have known what you really wanted and would never have done all this in the first place. I’m glad you and bf worked it out together.