When this woman is upset with her fiance, she asks Reddit:
My (42f) fiancé (45m) and I have been together for 8 years. For the past several Christmases we end up arguing about the gifts he’s got for me. And I end up not getting him the right things either.
So to try to avoid that this year I brought up making lists for each other. He seemed ok with that until I said what I Don’t want him to get me- specifically anything purple or any scarves, that was it.
He got mad & said I should be grateful for whatever I get & that since I’m “poor” (I’m a sahm with very little income) that I should just be happy to get anything at all. He says I’m spoiled for saying anything & that I ruin Christmas every year.
Basically he thinks he can get me whatever, including a purple scarf & I should just be happy & say thank you & wear it. AITA for saying what I do or don’t want as gifts for Christmas & telling him to not get me anything if he can’t abide by my wishes?
Edit to add: I don’t hate purple, and sometimes I wear purple, though it’s rare that I buy anything on purpose (I sometimes get hand-me-downs or buy bags of 2nd hand clothes in my size/style.)
The main reason I don’t want purple things is bc my mom only wears purple aside from neutrals. Seriously, she is the purple queen.
But then when he & I get into arguments over other random things he often says that I’m just like my mom, which I don’t think is true, but that part doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t like that I might be like my mom, why does he buy me things so that I look like her? It’s exhausting just thinking about why.
Sorry if this edit changes anyone’s opinion, but I don’t think it will. Although some people might think he has a thing for my mom, but I can’t even imagine that bc she’s almost 70!
Lots of people are saying financial abuse & while he doesn’t usually give me any money, (except this week he gave me $1000 bc he won $10k) he pays all the bills & I just buy groceries & have my own spending money.
We do both agree that we’d rather have me home with our kids than to have strangers watching them all the time. I am not the best housekeeper, but I do the majority of it as well as cooking.
I was employed at $28/hr for 8 years but was laid off after going back to work part time in 2020 after my mat leave for our first child was over. At the time I had ~$15k in the bank & we own our house together.
In the past 2 years my savings has dwindled bc I was still paying ~1k/mo while he was working a lower paid job as an apprentice, but recently he is making more again & his savings has increased by selling his previously owned home & now has $120k more in his bank.
So my being “poor” is not only not true, but it’s due to contributing so much the past few years without much income. (We are in Canada, so no taxes on winnings & we are common law with both names on our house.)
Also, with the gift-giving, he goes overboard every year & then complains about the money, but also spent a lot on my 12 yr old son for gifts that many of them went unused bc they aren’t his thing either.
He also has a bad habit of shopping for himself in December, leaving me scrounging for ideas. AITA?
Take what I give you, love it and wear it. You are too poor to have an opinion on what you wear and I am the only one that can decide that for you. So, purple scarf it is!
Why are you with this guy? Does he even like you? This condescending attitude will not change, and even if you become a millionaire, he would still treat you like gutter trash. He desperately needs to control you and put you down.
NTA. You are his partner. You're only 'poor' if he's poor. The larger issue is his disrespect and failure to consider you two a unit financially.
Of course if you tell him you don't want a purple scarf he shouldn't fly off the handle saying you're spoiled and should be grateful for a purple scarf! Does he even like you?