'AITA for 'uninviting' my sister-in-law to Thanksgiving?' UPDATED
"AITA for 'uninviting' my sister-in-law to Thanksgiving?"
I (36 F) and husband (40 M) are hosting Thanksgiving for the first time ever this year. Our older nephew (20 M) has recently come out as gay and asked if he could bring his bf he’s been seeing for a few months.
We said of course!!! Last night my MIL called and said my SIL would not be coming. When I asked why she said that it was bc of our nephew bringing the bf. She’s not blood related to him (it’s on my side of fam) but she has been around him most of his life. I told her that was her choice and ended the convo.
This morning SIL calls and asks if I told nephew not to come, I was shocked and asked why I would have. She went on about how she should be able to be with the rest of the family without being “uncomfortable”.
At that point I got so mad I said “what do you think, they’ll screw on top of the turkey in front of Grammy?!” And she started to cry and hung up.
I’ve gotten calls from family all day about how I shouldn’t have handled it that way. My husband thinks it’s funny but his mom whom I’m very close with is very upset. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
gerononeko writes:
NTA this lady sounds like she's a joy to have around. And you didn't uninvite her, she uninvited herself. I say good riddance and enjoy your thanksgiving.
toothysleuthy writes:
Also, OP didn’t actually uninvite her. She invited everyone, and SIL has the choice whether to come or not. If for whatever reasons, she has an issue with the guest list, then she’s welcome not to come. But she doesn’t get to dictate the guest list at someone else’s home.
Yes. SIL (or MIL on SIL’s behalf) pulled a passive-aggressive move; she didn’t ask for the nephew’s boyfriend to be uninvited, she said she wasn’t coming and then hoped OP would rearrange things in her favour. And nope. OP accepted that SIL wasn’t coming, end of matter.
MIL’s approach to the “she isn’t coming” exchange indicates that MIL also has issues that she isn’t willing to own up to.
I really love it when AHs who try to pull the “if X person is there I’m not coming” move find out they that they have been vastly overestimating how much people actually want them there in the first place.
NTA but be veeery vigilant how others handle this. Everyone is about to show their asses for who they really are - take notes to protect your child and warn him if necessary. Forget that lady... she can eat alone with hate in her heart.
NTA. You are an awesome aunty! That is a hilarious response to call her out on her "discomfort".
Oh. So because she wants to be able to eat with the family without being “uncomfortable”, he should be kicked out of a family event. And she wants you to be the bad guy and uninvite him to coddle her fee-fees. NTA and stand your ground!!!
In the comments OP left this update:
Thanks to everyone!!! I wish I could respond to each of you individually lol! You guys def made me feel even more humor in it and happy with how it went. So far all the family is still coming minus her! And my MIL has decided to just stay out of it. SIL isn’t speaking to any of us and that’s ok! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
And then this:
It was great!!! Everyone came except my SIL. Everyone was kind, had a lot of laughs. Grammy was the best though ? she asked my nephew “who’s your little friend” and he told her actually this is my boyfriend. Everyone got kinda quiet bc she’s about a thousand and old school. She goes “oh!….spicy.” And that was it ? we all laughed and are planning to do it again next year!