'AITA for refusing to go to MIL's for Thanksgiving after the turkey was inedible last year?'
"AITA for refusing to go to MIL's for Thanksgiving after the turkey was inedible last year?"
MIL is a phenomenal cook. But last Thanksgiving, there was an incident. This turkey is the first thing she made that I didn't like, but it was awful. I don't think MIL even basted it, so it was dry, overcooked, and like SFIL said 'tasted like saw dust'
Thanksgiving is supposed to be our holiday with my husband's family. MIL does not like this and wants Christmas. As a result she usually treats us kind of bad on Thanksgiving to begin with, but last year was a mess.
Note I always offer to help with the cooking or bring a dish, and she always turns me down. so last year we arrived, she did her typical routine of ignoring us, and then she served all the traditional sides, this dry turkey, and she sat down with some meatballs that were just for her.
Everyone asked why she was eating meatballs and she said it is her house. Her husband whined because he wanted some, but she said they were leftovers and there wasn't enough for him. She said turkey is stupid anyway.
No one liked the turkey so SFIL decided to grill some steak. He also made a turkey burger for his mom, but said that he wasn't cooking for anyone else because he isn't our 'slave', so at this point MIL, SFIL, and his mom have different food, and me, my kids, my husband, SFIL's stepfather, and MIL's parents have this turkey.
I felt humiliated and said I was leaving. MIL just rolled her eyes. I got some grief from MIL's parents about how Thanksgiving isn't about the food, but I snapped at them that my kids weren't going to be treated like s&%#.
We left and went to a buffet. It wasn't great and the whole day was a let down. My husband acted like I ruined Thanksgiving because he said there were enough sides and we should have stayed as her sides were better than that bad buffet.
I set a boundary that I would never spend another Thanksgiving with her. She made us feel like second class citizens and she clearly can't cook turkey. Today everyone is mad at me and accusing me of being petty and ruining my husband's relationship with MIL.
MIL is roasting a chicken this year, so I know we wouldn't have to eat dry turkey, but to me it is the principle. I am refusing to go, send my kids, and I told my husband he is free to go but I will be extremely hurt if he leaves his nuclear family to see mommy.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
INFO: what do you do for Christmas?
Go to my parents house as they have a huge party every year with lots of stuff for the kids. My in laws Christmas just isn't child friendly and my kids would be bored.
ESH. Why aren’t you alternating holidays? Compromise needs to happen on both sides.
Christmas is really important to me and my parents have a huge party which my kids love. MIL's Christmas is not child friendly and they would be bored.
Christmas is really important to pretty much everyone 😌
But I think making it magical for the kids is the most important thing. My parents do that. MIL does not
Question: When your kids are acting like "normal kids", how are they acting? Are the kids actually being good or are they being ornery and acting out?
MIL is an art dealer and her house looks like museum, so if they forget and run in the house or get rowdy at all, I can see her cringe. She has zero patience for any type of whining or tantrum, which I get suck, but they are age appropriate.
My three year old called the food gross once (not the shitty turkey) and MIL glared at her and said "see I'm not allowed to say that about your mommy's food"
Wait, MIL had meatballs, SFIL had steak, SFIL mom had a turkey burger....and the rest of the group - if I'm counting right, 5 adults and an unknown number of kids - had crap turkey and sides? Right off the bat, your MIL is a crap host, especially since it sounds like she made crap turkey on purpose.
But there are many red flags around your behavior as well. ESH The holidays bring out the worst in people.