Mom won't allow MIL around baby after he's hospitalized; husband says 'give her a chance.'

Just because someone is related, doesn't mean they should be around your kid. A child's safety should come before all familial obligations, even if it causes waves.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for refusing to ever let her son see her MIL again. She wrote:

"AITA for keeping my son away from my MIL?"

I (29f) have had a rocky relationship with my MIL but I won't go into that now. This is about my son (10 months old). My son weighed 4.4kg at birth and currently weighs 10.3kg When my son was 6 weeks old my MIL asked to spend the day with him. I was not comfortable but my husband kept asking so one morning I packed enough breast milk to feed a baby for an entire week and sent my boy to my MIL.

I kept calling my husband every hour to call his mother and check up on him. He told me the baby was fine. Fast forward in the evening I went to pick him up and my boy was as light as air and looked unconscious. Without questions, I bottle-fed him because I thought he needed food, and feeding directly from the breast will be too hectic for him. My boy finished a full bottle and was still crying.

I started crying too and rushed him to the hospital. I am a first-time mom. I can't describe what happened to the fullest because I was panicking. The doctors set an IV on him right away. Later MIL told me my son was too heavy for a six weeks old, also she believes frozen milk is spoiled and babies need fresh milk so she didn't feed him.

She instructed me to leave my boy to him for 12 full hours and she kept saying he is fine but she didn't feed him even a drop of milk. I was furious and promised to never leave my boy for him again. When he was 4 months, my SO again kept nagging and said his mom is worrying him about the baby and we should forgive her. I said no but gave in a month later. I only left the boy for three hours with her.

I went to meet my boy crying and in pain. He was burning with a high temperature. I again rushed him to the hospital. Later found out MIL rubbed a balm with menthol and other herbs on him. Her reason being that when his daddy was born, he was very fair with lots of hair but my son is not so the cream will make him fairer with lots of hair. Again, she didn't also feed him because as she said the baby is too heavy.

This also passed and I listened to my husband and calmed down. For the past month, my husband has started nagging about his mother wanting to spend the day with her grandson. He asks me everyday. I told him today that as long as I am his mother, his mother will never set eyes on my boy.

I did not only give birth for his mom to m*rder my boy for me. AITA for refusing my MIL access to my son for a full day? My SO think am because everyone deserves forgiveness.

People did not hold back on this one.

redinsights wrote:

NTA. You can’t be serious. What is wrong with your husband?! We already know something is seriously wrong with your MIL. At this point, depending on where you live, leaving your LO with MIL (depending on outcome) could be considered child endangerment. It would be wrong if you if you DID leave him with her!

Supervised visits? Perhaps. Very closely supervised. Unsupervised visits? Not a chance. Hard stop. Not for one single minute. I’d make this my hill to die on. She has proven herself unsafe to care for a child- whatever the reason. In summary: Care less about your husband's feelings and more about your child’s safety.

Efficient-Regular-96 wrote:

Don't leave the baby alone with your husband either. He is going to hand your baby straight to his weird mama.

zeugma888 wrote:

NTA next time your husband pressures you to leave the baby with his mother suggest you save time by taking him straight to the hospital instead.

friendlily had a key question:

NTA. Your MIL could have killed your child twice already, and your husband doesn't seem to care. She is not safe for him to be around and if it were me, she would never see my child or me again. If you think that's not an option, then at the very least, she should never be around him unsupervised. Why can't she come to visit him at your home when you're present?

And OP answered:

After much nagging I allowed two supervised visits. For some strange reason my baby won't allow her touch him. He will cry the moment he sees him. Also her comments about his weight, skin colour and hair always puts me off. I can't stand her and it seems my son also can't.

Surprisingly she is the only person my son crawls away from and cries. She claims it's because I am around and if I am not around my son will allow her carry him. She wants more.

Fantastic_Cow_6819 wrote:

Look, I’m a mandated reporter. If I knew you in real life and you continued to let her watch your son, I’d have to call CPS on you. I’m kind of surprised the ER didn’t after having two incidents so close together. Show this comment to your husband and see if keeping his child is more important than his mother's feelings.

You can visit her supervised with the baby, but she’s shown that she’s not capable of taking care of him. Next time he could die. NTA.

Edit: Just read your comment where he cried and crawled away from her at a supervised visit. This is not good for his mental health. Please stop the supervised visits too. Your baby deserves to be happy and healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.

OP is NTA, but in order to keep her baby safe, she needs to keep him far away from his MIL.