Woman doesn't defend FIL after her brother feuds with him on her pregnancy post. AITA?
There's nothing like a social media feud to spice up the family dinner time. What starts as one annoying comment can quickly snowball into a full-on argument between family members who have a lot of grievances to air, and no chill about said grievances.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not defending her father-in-law after he feuded with her brother on a social media post. She wrote:
"AITA for not defending FIL in a feud on my pregnancy announcement post?"
When I announced my pregnancy on social media 3 weeks ago, FIL was upset that baby would be taking my last name. He commented that his last name sounded “much better.” My brother and a couple friends responded to him. They told him he was being weird and he insisted it wasn’t weird to expect his grandchild to have HIS last name.
My brother called him stupid (not saying I agree with this but it happened) and it snowballed from there. I never once intervened but my MIL called my bf to complain about me. She said they’re tired of dealing with me, they refuse to keep eating my “s#$t sandwich” and they will not walk on eggshells. She was upset her husband got attacked in my comments.
I ended up taking the phone and told her it was not my responsibility to moderate a feud that he initiated and publicized on MY announcement post. Basically, we argued for an hour. She insisted I was in the wrong, I should’ve stuck up for him and I had no reason to be so upset and I am too sensitive (no one ever even told her I was upset?).
I called FIL after because MIL told me that’s what I should do. He told me he doesn’t give a f#$k about me or the baby anymore as it won’t have his last name. I really don’t see the issue in me not defending him. I think he has been a b*lly his whole life and wants to whine now that someone stuck up to him (I don’t necessarily agree with my brother insulting him but I also don’t see how it’s my fault that he did).
I refuse to apologize for not intervening and they have cut contact completely until I do. So, AITA for not publicly defending FIL, or should I stand my ground? We are not married. They’re my boyfriend's parents, I used FIL and MIL to help keep it shorter. Currently I don’t plan to change my last name when I get married, but I’ll discuss that with my partner when that time comes.
People weighed in with their thoughts on the dynamic.
kindcrow wrote:
Oh good lord. This is why boomers need to stay off social media. NTA. FIL is TA and a big f'ing baby. PS I'm a boomer myself so I can say that--haha.
bamf1701 wrote:
NTA. It isn’t your job to defend your FIL from a position he put himself in, especially since that position came from criticizing a choice you made. If he could not stand the heat of the responses his comment got, then he should not have made it in the first place.
Let me translate something: being tired of dealing with you and walking on eggshells actually means that they are upset that they can’t control you, are upset that you stand up for yourself, and they are going to accelerate their bullying until you submit. Don’t give in!
south3y wrote:
NTA. Take their silence FTW. Also, NEVER discuss your kid's name, or your naming intentions with anyone but your spouse until after the birth certificate is filed. Too many other people will think they have sign-off rights to your choices, and will start pressure campaigns like this one.
ColdstreamCapple wrote:
NTA. Your father-in-law should of kept his old-fashioned values to himself and if he wanted to discuss it with you then he should of kept it off a public forum. You’re exactly right. He was looking to create drama and now he wants to play victim. Stand your ground and hopefully, your BF will let his parents know their behaviour is unacceptable.
iloveducks101 wrote:
NTA and since he doesn't give a f#$k about you or the baby, remember to not attend any of their functions OR let the baby be around them.
A sure NTA ruling here, OP's life will only be more chill without her FIL in the picture.