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'A mutual friend propositioned my wife and now she wants to publicly expose him.' UPDATED

'A mutual friend propositioned my wife and now she wants to publicly expose him.' UPDATED


"A mutual friend propositioned my newlywed wife for sex and affair whats the best way to respond?"

So, my wife is a bombshell 10/10. But more than that she is an amazing woman, compassionate, funny, caring, loyal and badass. And some of her friendly qualities are often mistaken as flirting or expressing interest so with a heavy heart she is now much more guarded when conversing with strangers.

With old friends she is her usual friendly self as they know her, but alas now one incident has caused her to pull back from interacting freely with friends too. So we just got married last week and on Sunday night we hosted a small dinner for a few of our close friends. Now one of those close friends has had a crush on my wife for a while now.

Nothing serious but she knew and told me immediately, and then cut all unnecessary communication with him. That sucked for her because his wife is a good friend of my wife and because of his obvious crush they couldnt meet as often. We thought he would get over it,

but on Sunday night he cornered my wife for five minutes and delivered his love speech, about how had to have her and now he couldnt sleep knowing that she is married to me, how true love knows no bounds or rules, love cant be constrained and it should be free and so on and so forth. She immediately came and told me but we didnt make a scene as there were other friends there too.

Now she is royally pissed and wants to expose him to all our friends group as he might have done the same thing to others too or he might in future. I am of the opinion that we should cut contact with him but dont do anything more than that. Whats the best way forward?

What do you think they should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

Dude, you obviously tell his wife and then follow her lead with this. As if you just want to sweep this under the rug. Like, damn. At least be a good person and look out for the wife of this scumbag. Who would want to be married to that with some of your friends knowing what kind of person he is? Come on.

throwaway19701970197 said:

I’d cut ties with him, and I’d also let his wife know what he said. She deserves more than being a consolation prize.


Your wife is right. Tell his wife and everyone on your friend circle. Then kick him loose from your friend circle. He disrespected your wife, you, your marriage and his wife by making such a statement. Don't buy the excuse that he was drunk or he was not in his senses.


Your wife sounds great. He’s an ass though and is not a friend of your relationship. If she repeatedly told him no and he still don’t listen: Expose him might be the only thing to get him of your back. And you might wanna do it first so he don’t control the narrative and starts badmouth you two.

And said:

If it were me in your shoes, I would simply tell your wife what your preference is and then immediately follow it up with "Ultimately the decision is up to you and I will stand by you no matter what.". She 100% should tell his wife; not just because they're friends, but because the woman deserves to know what kind of person she is married to and deserves to have the option to get out sooner rather than later.

I understand not wanting to go nuclear, but I also understand your wife wanting to tell everyone. If you just cut him off, eventually mutual friends will wonder why you guys never go anywhere if he will be there or why you never include him in plans. If his wife divorces him over this, it could eventually come out anyway -

or if she doesn't believe your wife, she may try to turn mutual friends against you/your wife because of the "false" accusations. I will also say that if she decides that she does want to tell everyone, I would tell her that his wife should be the first person that she tells, and depending on his wifes reaction to this information,

your wife should consider her friends feelings and opinion on the matter of exposing him to the rest of the friend group - or at the very least give her the courtesy of knowing that others in the friend group will be getting informed of his inappropriate confession and proposition so that she isn't blindsided by everyone knowing.

After reading everyone's advice, OP later shared this update:

So, I got a lot of good advice, and some well deserved criticism about my behavior too. It was indeed not right for me to take it as lightly as I appeared to do. Believe me, I wanted to fight him but it would not have solved any issue, only created more.

But one thing the majority of commenters got right was that I should have fully supported her desire to go nuclear on him and I appreciate the honesty from you guys. So anyways, I went and told her that I am sorry I was not more supportive and I am now 100% behind her, even if it means I have to kick his ass.

She laughed and said she has devised a plan of action, she was going to talk to his wife first and then inform all the women in our friends group as she thought it would be irresponsible for her to ignore his behavior in case he tries/already tried with anyone else.

So she called his wife for lunch today and she told him. His wife was heartbroken and I stepped away to give her some freedom to vent. i went out and came back when my wife messaged me that she had gone. She told me that his wife confessed that it had happened once before too when they lived somewhere else.

Apparently she seemed almost resigned to the fact because she wasnt angry, rather she was sad and when my wife told her that she will be telling other women of his behavior she didnt protest. My wife has called everyone for lunch on Saturday and thats when she will tell them.

She even feels bad about the wife but feels its kind of a moral responsibility to warn everyone. I am in complete agreement here. Thats the update. And I am going to treat my wife to some homemade pizza tonight since she is so awesome. Yeah, I can make pizza, lol. Thanks for the suggestion guys.

Sources: Reddit
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