'I installed a secret camera to film my BF while I'm away. He brought a woman to our home.'

"My BF had another woman in our house while I’m on vacation. I’m 5 months postpartum."

My boyfriend ‘25/M’ and I ‘26/F’ had a baby 5 months ago. We live together in a rented townhome, split evenly between us. I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship.

My boyfriend, “Nick,” was my friend for 3 years before our relationship, and our relationship dynamic has always been perfect. Best friends to lovers trope. I have always recognized that he exaggerates stories, but never considered him a liar or someone who lies about anything important. And if he has lied, I haven’t caught on (i’m an investigator for work so i’m pretty good at catching a lie).

In April, we went to a music festival while I was 7 months pregnant. I went to bed early each night and he was coming home (campsite) around 5am every morning, even if his friends would return closer to 2-3am. This caused me to become suspicious of what he was doing and I looked in his phone. I did not see anything in his texts, recently deleted texts or call log.

I decided to look in his recently deleted photos and noticed a deleted screenshot of his ex girlfriend’s, “Marie,” contact card taken at 12am one of the nights, after I was already asleep. I confronted Nick and he confessed that he saw her at the festival that night, looked up her contact and called her to say hi, then deleted the call because he didn’t want me to get mad.

I explained I wouldn’t have cared if he told me because we have always had perfect trust. he explained that it won’t happen again, and I expressed the importance of telling me the truth and not hiding things.

Now, fast forward to present. We have been talking about getting married, our trust and relationship is awesome, everything has been great. I am out of town traveling with my mom and 2 daughters for Thanksgiving. Before I left, I expressed to Nick that I do not want any women in our house, especially his female coworker, “Claire,” who lives down the street and we regularly hangout with.

He gave me his word and said he understands my reasoning. Before I left on the trip, I started to get a very uneasy feeling and felt like I needed to hide a camera in the house, so I did. 2 hours after my flight departed, I received a motion notification of Nick cleaning the downstairs, fixing up the couch cushions, and fixing up his appearance in the mirror.

I then texted Nick to ask if he had plans, and he said no but that he may hangout with Claire’s male friends. Seconds later as i’m watching the camera, I see him open the front door and Claire comes inside and Nick locks the door behind her. they sit in the kitchen and start drinking. My stomach absolutely dropped and I felt like I was going to pass out.

To catch him in the lie, I say “you’re not going to invite claire and her friends over later right” (since he mentioned hanging out with them). As Claire is sitting in my kitchen, Nick texts me that no one is coming over. Then as I watch, Nick starts looking around, spots the camera and unplugs it.

I texted Nick that he messed up big time, and he starts calling me repeatedly. I answer and make him hand the phone to Claire and I explain that she needs to leave because he gave me his word that no women would be at our house.

So now, my trust is completely broken. I know I shouldn’t have mentioned claire’s name in my text because it gave it away, but I wanted to catch him in the lie. I’m afraid that anything would have happened if he did not know he got caught. Nick is saying nothing happened or would’ve, but of course he is going to say that. And now his word means nothing.

I asked him that if I didn’t have the camera, would he have told me Claire came over and he said no. NOW, coming back to the Marie part. I started noticing that Nick told me similar things after I caught Claire in our house as when I caught him meeting with Marie at stagecoach.

So, I decided to message Marie. I pretty much just asked her what happened at the festival when they met up. long story short, she said she did not know he was camping with me, and that he made it seem like we broke up, and that Nick told Marie he wants to be back in her life and work things out. Mind you, I was 7 months pregnant at the time.

I know the simple answer: leave him. But it’s not black and white. If we didn’t have our baby I would leave, but for her I want to try. I told Nick he needs to go to individual therapy, pay for us to go to couples therapy, and also pay for my individual therapy.

I have a lot of trauma from past relationships and being cheated on, specifically with COWORKERS!!! and I did a lot of therapy to get over that and not carry that trauma into my relationship with Nick.

Every time I think about the lies and the messages and the recordings of them sitting in my kitchen it makes me sick. I’m unable to eat from anxiety and it’s affecting my breastfeeding. I’m snapping at my 5 year old because i’m overwhelmed and can’t cope. I told Nick that once I return from vacation, I need him to find a temporary place to live because I can’t be around him right now.

This is what people had to say to OP:

TravelingCat25 said:

A child is not a reason to stay with a man who cheats. If you stay with him, he will continue to cheat and your child will see that behavior. It’s best for both of you if you leave.

thatgirlinAZ said:

Your trust is not "awesome." Your relationship is not "great." You're already at the stage of hiding cameras. Cut ties an enjoy the peace of never being responsible for trying to figure out if he's lying again.

Mammoth_Rope_8318 said:

Kids pick up on unhealthy relationships. Try being good co-parents, because he's never going to be the spouse you deserve. You are worth more than what you had to see on that camera.

Bulky-Incident7454 said:

I’m so sorry. But I LOVE seeing women communicate like this and support each other in honest vulnerability. You handled that like such a champ.

I hope you and baby get the peace and security you deserve. It’s not with this fool.

And Equizotic said:

I can’t imagine staying in a relationship where I felt the need to HIDE A CAMERA in our shared living space. That’s such an invasion and clearly you will never trust him. Just end it