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'My BFF saw my GF out with another man while I was away. Then I found an email.' UPDATED

'My BFF saw my GF out with another man while I was away. Then I found an email.' UPDATED


"I'm [27 M] out of town right now. My best friend saw my girlfriend of 7 years [26 F] out with another man. I found an email."

A bit of background:

Well here goes guys. I am currently out of town visiting family for a week. My grandma (who lives with my parents) is very ill, and I wanted to say goodbye. My girlfriend, who I have been with for 7 years, recently had surgery and didn't feel comfortable traveling the 5 hour car ride with me. Very understandable, because she is still in quite a bit of pain.

I've been here about 3 days now, and will be spending another two here at my parents. My girlfriend and I have always had a strong relationship. We get along very well. We manage to communicate about almost everything. We rarely fight. In fact, when we do, it's is usually about housework...which admittedly is usually my fault, as I leave too much of it on her.

This will me relevant in a bit: We had a fight about the housework right before I left to visit my grandmother. Since she had surgery she hasn't been about to keep up with the cleaning and laundry much and the house has gotten a bit out of hand. She is kinda a neat freak, where I am okay with clutter, and even by my standards, the house was getting pretty messy.

I promised I would clean up, and I did, but she kept insisting more needed to be done. I thought it was clean, but it wasn't up to her standards. Now that I've left I can see I was a bit in the wrong, and I feel bad...and I've told her so via text.

She seems to forgive me. She didn't mean to snap at me over it, she's in pain and is exhausted and just wants more help around the house. I only see clutter when I clean...but I don't think about things like vacuuming and dusting. I thought we had cleared the air and were okay...but she has been very distant over the days I have been here. Verylittle communication.

And now:

I got a text from my best friend telling me he saw her walking about a hardware store with some guy. He described him as tall, with dark black, long hair, and a full bread. This does not fit the description of any of her friends. She was leaning against his arm while they walked around the store. He saw them leave together and walk to the chain restaurant across the street.

My girlfriend has never given me the impression she would cheat, ever. We've always told each other when we had cruses on people and been open when other people expressed feelings to us.....and with her leaning on the guy....I'm worried, but at the same time, my girlfriend tends to lean on ALL of her friends she feels comfortable with when there is a lot of walking involved.

She had a heart condition (now more exacerbated by her recent surgery) and she does faint on occasion. She always hold my arm when we walk around stores and I've seen her do the same with her girlfriends. So it may be that she was having a dizzy spell and leaned on to this guy for support.....whoever he is...

I've expressed that I'm thinking of leaving here today and coming home early, and after all day of not talking to me, she responded, "No! Visit with your family. You never see them! Spend all the time with grandma that you can. She doesn't have long left, and I'm sure spending her last days with you will be really comforting for her. Its flattering that you are homesick though and you miss me! I miss you too!"

I didn't want to sound accusatory so I sent something along the lines of, "hey! Dave said he saw you at (hardware store) today and meant to say hi, but didn't have the time." She responded, "I wasn't at (hardware store) today, just (grocery store)."

Admittedly, I was a bit suspicious. My girlfriend doesn't really do social media. She is a high school teacher, and all she has is a Facebook, she keeps it for professional purposes only and has basically nothing on there, so I decided to check her email. (I know, I know, I feel awful, but I'm starting to get worried).

She had a few from some generic gmail around that was basically something like: Sugarlandman1234 There was no google+ info on the page. I also googled the gmail and could find no other accounts associated with it.

The back and fourth:

Sugarlandman1234: sorry bout the email. Shattered my phone on a job and not gonna replace it until my contrat expires. Girlfriend: that's okay! I totally understand. We still on for Saturday Sugarlandman1234: yea. Im free. Is the boyfriend gone already? Girlfriend: yep! He left the other day. Shouldn't be back until like Wednesday. Sugarlandman1234: cool. Sounds good then.

Girlfriend: do you want to get dinner or pizza? On me, of course. We will need some fuel, or I imagine we will be exhausted. Sugarlandman1234: that nice of you. Dont know yet. Well decide that day? Ive got my dads phone now. He dont really ever use it, so I'll text you from there. Ill let u know its me.

That was the entirety of it really. Now I'm even more worried. Should I come home early? Confront her over the phone? Leave it alone until I get home when I was going to anyway?

What do you think is going on here? And what should he do? This is what top commenters had to say:


This may sound stupid but am I the only one who thinks she might be planning some sort of surprise and this guy is helping? Who meanders around a hardware store with their lover?


You are never going to forgive yourself if you leave your terminally ill grandma and race home to find your GF... planning a surprise for you. Please, calm down.


Unless he's an escort, the email from her indicating that all food and drink would be "on her" lead me to believe that she's paying him for a service that requires items from a hardware store.


No one wants anyone looking at or touching their lady parts two weeks after a hysterectomy. There must be another explanation for this that isn't her hooking up with this dude.


I'm a very suspicious person in relationships - have been cheated on in the past, horrible trust issues etc. But actually in this case I'm coming down on the side of her and this dude building you something around the house. It just seems to fit the facts better. I know you're freaking out at the moment - I would be too. But my money is on this all being completely innocent. Good luck.

OP shared some edits to his original post:

Edit: some info that has come up in comments below. She just had a hysterectomy. She is only recently home from the hospital and doesn't have much energy. We haven't had sex since the surgery. She says she can't. I honestly believe her because I've changed the bandaging on her stitches and they looks painful. Other than slowly walking around, she can't do too much.

My best friend and his girlfriend (now fiancé) have all been mutual friends together for several years and all go out together frequently. He knows for sure what he looks like and that it was her. I'm sure this is not relevent at all, but a guy can hope. My birthday is in 10 days.

Edit 2: my friend drove by my house. There is a white truck in the driveway...but the plates on it are from a neighboring state. It's getting kinda late there.

Edit 3: Friend drove by again. Truck is still there. Truck is from another state, but Girlfriend has family in that state. My girlfriend is not really close with her family at all. We really only see them on holidays....However, my girlfriends family owns a construction company. But their company lays concrete. I don't think they have any carpenters or anything like that. I could be wrong though.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she had never done anything to make me mistrust her in the past. You guys have been such a comfort to keep me level headed and I thank you.

A lot of you think there is a surprise for my birthday, and I hope that is it. And many of you think she is cheating, which I hope isn't the case. I don't want to leave early and risk missing out on time with my grandma....Some of you have suggested I have my friend check up on her...but that worries me. Won't I seem paranoid if nothing is going on?

Edit 4: On Current Communication with my girlfriend: I have called her, 3 times, and texted her a ton. I haven't been accusatory just asked what she was doing and if she had any friends over.

Basically: We live in a dead zone cell phone coverage wise. We live in a town surrounded by cornfields for miles and miles. We get spotty reception at best. When I last spoke to her she said she was doing laundry and working on a quilt she is making for my mom. Both the laundry and her sewing room are in the basement...we get NO service in the basement.

A little while ago I got a picture message of our cat laying on her quilting supplies, and one saying she missed me. Its possible she hasn't t gotten my texts because she has very possibly been in her sewing room all day. She can spend hours there working on projects and watching netflix. She always calls me right before she falls asleep when we are apart though, so I'm waiting for her to call me before bed now.

Final edit:

Still no call from her, but if she is in the basement quilting and watching Netflix, that is no surprise. She can go for hours. No idea if the truck is still there or not. My friend drove by again around 9pm and it was still there. I'm not going to make him go out again. I'm thinking I will just come home when I was supposed to.

If anthing is going on, I have proof. I'll update as soon as I am able or when I am actually allowed to post again. Waiting sucks....

tl;dr: out of town. Had a fight with my girl just before I left. Best friend saw her shopping/at a restaurant with another man. I found an email. What to do?

He then shared this heavily-anticipated update on the situation:

I'm going to pick up where I left off with the last post and detail what happened from there. My girlfriend called me at 1am and apologized profusely saying she didn't realize what time it had gotten to because she was busy. (She normally calls me around 11:30 or so). I decided then and there that I was gonna save the texts from Dave, a screen shot of the email, and confront her when I got home


I weighed my options and decided it was better to be cheated on and let it go on a few extra days and spend time with my family, then to rush home or accuse her over the phone and find out she was planning something for my birthday....I think that would ruin her trust in me forever. Nothing seemed odd when she called.

She asked after my family, sent me a few progress pictures of the quilt she was making for my mom, told me she loved me and that she would call me in the morning. Monday morning my grandma took a turn for the worse and my brother, mother, and father all gathered at the hospice to spend the final hours with her.

Somewhere in the very wee hours of Tuesday morning she passed away from lung cancer.....seriously people, put down your cigarettes. We were really her only remaining family. My father was an only child, and she had no living siblings, and she had moved in with my parents awhile ago and hasn't kept in touch with anyone.

In leu of planning a traditional funeral, we just decided to proceed with having her buried next to her husband's plot (something she had already pre-planned, paid for, and requested in her will) and spent Tuesday gathered around in the living room telling stories about her and looking through her shoeboxes full of photographs to create an updated photo album. It was nice, actually.

My girlfriend kept in constant contact with me through this whole thing and talked to my parents as well. They love her. During that time I decided to let everything fall out of my mind other than my family. It was pretty evenly split on what people believed about my girlfriend, but what felt right in my gut, was that she was planning something from me.

Many of you said I was denying any possibility she was cheating and had my head in the sand. That she was hooking up with this guy in my bed? Some said I trusted her too much and that it would come back to bite me. And many of you said I didn't trust her enough. That I was letting what my friend saw cloud my judgement.

There is some truth in that. Many of you wondered if Dave hated my girlfriend or wanted to get with her. I promise you that is not the case at all. Dave has been cheated on before and just wanted to look out for me.

If I had asked him to confront her he would have done it in a heart beat, but even he thought something was up knowing us for as long as he has. I asked him to leave it and that I would deal with Everything when I got home. If there really was nothing going on, I didn't want to risk crushing her spirit when she was just trying to do something nice for me.

I let my girlfriend know I would be home sometime Wednesday...but I was gonna have breakfast with my family first. She requested I call her when I get in the state. This was my intention, but I was getting so homesick, and I just really needed to see my girlfriend, so I hit the road sometime around 5am. With no rest stops and minimal traffic, I made pretty great time and got home at 10:30 or so.

As I pulled into the driveway, I saw the white truck parked there already. I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked up to the front door. I kept repeating in my head that I trusted her and that there was nothing going on. As I walked in the front door (which enters into the living room) I locked eyes with the guy. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in sweat pants and a tank top eating cereal off my coffee table.

He looked younger than I thought he would be from Dave's description. But he had a full beard and long black hair in a ponytail. He nodded and said, "hey dude. Welcome back." Which felt odd....I just stood there, staring at him, wading through the surrealness of the situation looking for the right words. My girlfriend then came down the hallway, smiled, and hugged me.

"Hey. I'm so, so sorry about grandma. Any chance you remember my cousin Max? I know It's been awhile." I stared at him and I swear I had never seen this person in my life. I just had this sinking feeling and only replied, "I don't think we have met...." "Aunt Ellen's son. The one that lives in (other state)."

And suddenly it dawned on me. Her aunt Ellen's husband, Uncle Joe, was her SECOND husband. She married young but split up with this kid's father pretty early.....Max lives with his dad in (other state) and Max's dad is 100% Italian.....which explains the hair. All I could say was, "whoa man. You've grown up...." He just laughed and said "yeah. I've changed a bit."

The last time I saw this kid he was a chubby, neon green haired, acne covered teenager in an tapout t-shirt. He really came out of puberty well....I Think I last saw him four or five years ago on Christmas. She asked me if we could talk. So I followed her into our bedroom. She basically said he was moving back in with aunt Ellen and getting a job as a grunt with her family construction company part time.

He wants to go to a local college around us and my girlfriend promised to help him fill out his FAFSA, polish his entrance letter, and study for his placement tests in exchange for some work. (He went to an alternative trade school for carpentry his last two years of highschool and my girlfriend's dad says he did pretty well.)

She said she had something planned for my man-cave but they hit a few hang ups and it's taking longer than expected. She brought our x-box upstairs into the living room and has made me swear I will not enter the basement for any reason until my birthday.

I debated pretending I wasn't worried at all....but I like that we are always honest with each other. I told her Dave saw her out with her cousin and had me a bit worried about him. She just laughed and said, "I didn't realize he saw us together! I thought you meant he just saw me." She said they had walked basically around opposite ends of the store shopping separately.

They only met up to check out. She asked why I didn't just ask her who it was. She said could have told me it was Max and still been able to keep the exchange of work under wraps and just told me about the college thing. I basically told her I didn't want to make her feel like I was accusing her of anything, which I think she appreciated.

Max is going to be staying here a few more days longer than she planned, which I wish she would have told me about....but after this....that seems like nothing at all. I think she is a bit upset that I could even think for a moment she would cheat on me....but she said she was glad I didn't come flying home early kicking doors in or anything. So I think we are good. Just in case, I'm gonna kiss her ass for awhile.

edit 1: maybe I should clarify that max is NOT moving in with is. He is moving back in with his mom. He was already supposed to be home with her by the time I came home...but they hit some snags with whatever he is working on. He is staying a few more days to finish up then going home to his mother's.

Edit 2: For those asking why my girlfriend would not tell me why Max was over, she didn't know Dave saw her WITH him, she just thought he saw her in the paint department by herself. I think she wanted to not arouse any suspicion at all in me. He was supposed to be done before I even got home.

I remember her mentioning that he was in carpentry school. I didn't know it was part of a two year high school thing, and for some reason I was picturing him as a lot older than he was (I think I had him confused with his older step brother?).

I've had my brother over when she was visiting her best friend out of state before and it was a non issue. We have a pretty open door policy when it comes to close friends and family so having him over is a total non issue for me. I see how it would be an issue for some people. But it's not in our relationship.

I think she just wanted me to spend time with my family and not focus on what was going on at home in the slightest. She was going to tell me about the FAFSA/college thing If I asked, but since I didn't, she just decided to keep it under wraps.

tl;dr: Everything worked out.

Sources: Reddit
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