'Caught my wife of 13 years cheating with a coworker.' UPDATED
"Caught my wife of 13 years cheating with a coworker."
Just here to get straight to the point. My wife and I have been married since we were 25. We are 38 now. We met in college, got married and everything has been great. We both graduated, got good jobs, and started our lives together. Me and my wife both made good money, so money was never an issue for us. My wife worked for her dad's small business while I worked for a very large company.
After a few years, my boss left the company out of nowhere and they needed someone to take over. The only person who knew how to run the department was me. So, I got a major pay jump, better bonus, better benefits. The works. So, at 28 I was making probably 3x + plus more than my wife.
At 28, the same year, my wife gave birth to our first daughter. Then, two years later, our second. My wife, due to working for her father, was able to be more diverse in working. Well, around 5 years ago, my father-in-law passed away unexpectedly. That left my mother-in-law and wife in a hard position. Sell the company or run it themselves.
My mother-in-law had no clue how to run it, so my wife said she would do it. After my wife took the company, it did just as well as when her father ran it. With that being said, my wife got a huge pay increase, more than me. I was proud of her. Going from a basic worker to running a whole company isn't easy.
Anyway, our daughters started suffering from not seeing their parents. Me and my wife discussed one of us staying home. She said, "The company you work for will be fine without you. Mine could go under." I agreed, so I quit my job and became a stay-at-home dad/husband.
I do everything. I make sure the girls are all taken care of. I cook, clean, fix things, make sure errands are run, you name it. I pamper my wife when she gets home from working. This went well for a while until about a year ago. My wife was always very appreciative of what I did and loved it. She has become very mean lately. Like just saying things like, "do you do anything" or "How about you work for real?"
What? I work my @$$ every day making sure you don't have to lift a finger when you get home at all. Also, I had a "real job", but I quit to raise and take care of the girls, our home, and you. Not to mention my wife is very physical. Always has been. She quit initiating intimacy and when I ask she is never in the mood. That was very odd.
Eventually, I quit trying. I just thought, with all the pandemic crap and everything else, she was just very stressed and it was getting to her. I started trying harder to make her happy. Nothing ever worked. Last weekend, my oldest had a softball game. So, I get everything ready and we go.
During the game, I wanted to take a video for my mom and dad since they live in another state and don't get to see my daughters that often. I forgot my phone so I asked my wife if I could see hers. She had been attached to it all day so it would be good for her to get off it. Anyway, she hands it to me and says she is going to get a drink and a snack. She gets up.
I video my daughter when a message comes up on some app. I check and I can't even fathom what I see. My wife and this guy from her work, who is 8 years younger, are sending videos and pics, talking about how great their physical chemistry was and then talking about me. He is saying how I am some wimp who can't get a real job taking care of his women and my wife agrees with him. I couldn't believe this!
I was so devastated and angry all at the same time. I heard my wife coming back, so I closed the app and started videoing. On the ride home and when we get home, my wife tries to talk to me and I am not in the mood. Eventually, we lay in bed and, for the first time, I guess they hadn't met in a while, tried to initiate intimacy. I tell her I am not in a mood.
She says, "If you are going to be a bitch about everything, you can sleep on the couch". I got up and went to the couch and now have been here since. I don't know how to move forward with this. I really just don't know where to start. My wife was my everything, my girls are my world, and all of that is dying. Any advice would be wonderful as I really need it.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
[deleted]
Divorce her. You will get half the assets, child support and alimony.
This one's easy. Next time you have her phone, screenshot the proof and send it to yourself (maybe under the excuse of sending yourself the video). Get the meanest lawyer you can find to divorce her, take half her business and savings, and sue for child support and alimony.
Since you are a SAHP, you're more likely to get full custody than she is. You gave up everything for her and she threw it in your face. I'd go scorched earth.
I know, people often say leaving isn't that easy. I did it. Now that I'm on the other side, I can wholeheartedly say it was the best decision of my life.
Get a good Lawer my guy. And leave… She dosent respect you anymore…
Later that day, he posted this first update:
Hey everyone, I want to thank you all for the advice you all gave. First off I do have the text, pics, videos and everything. Second, I don't any of the company. It is 50/50 between her and my mother-in-law. Third, I can't sleep in the bed. I have been sleeping the guest bedroom every night and that is where I will be staying. To answer, I have decided to divorce her.
Anyway this morning I called a firm in another town to avoid anyone finding out. Thankfully there were able to get me in this morning as someone had cancelled. After dropping off my girls I drove over there. To make a long story short, he is a very good lawyer. I showed him what I had. He said that luckily for me with the evidence I have she will be pretty much screwed in the divorce.
Seeing as I quit my job to raise our girls, she is never home, she is having an affair, prioritizes this man over me and my girls, she will lose very easily. He basically said we will get child support, alimony, I will keep the house and she we will have to pay for it as long as my girls live there.
Also, he stated that we could even try for more money since I am considered "no longer viable in the working world" to help me pay for more education to get a job. Some of you were right. He said to not work until after the divorce is over. He said since you are the husband if you have a job you can lose a lot of this.
He asked if I wanted full custody? I said that I don't mind my wife seeing her girls on the weekends every once in a while, but I would wont mostly full custody. He said since she had an affair in the marital home I can basically do what I want. Since he stated bringing over a strange man over to the house put the girls in danger and makes her guilty.
So, I will be going for full custody where she can get weekends once maybe twice a month. No man will be allowed around my girls and if there are she could face problems by me if I find out. I just don't want that POS around my girls. He eventually said to keep quiet until the draft are ready and then he will issue someone to serve her and have it issued that she is required to leave the home.
He said he should have it done sometime next week. He asked me to just keep quiet. He said I know it is hard and you are upset but just shut the hell up until everything is done. Once the divorce is over you can say whatever the hell you want about her, but until then keep your mouth shut. He said act as normal.
He said, no fights, no issues, sleep in separate bed, and no physical intimacy. I said no problem but why? He said trust me just don't do it and do as I say. I just got home and have started getting ready for dinner and acting and being normal. I will be acting as if everything is okay until she is served next week.
Thank you all for the advice and some very harsh words.
Quick Edit: He recommended I get an STD test. Plus, a DNA test on my girls. When I asked why he said, "It is pretty rare incident's like this are the first time they have happened". So, yeah that hurt to hear and scared the hell out of me.
Ten days later, he shared this second update:
Hey everyone, I just want to thank you to all who sent me good messages over this period. I have been feeling down and things have been rough. To preface, I have talked to my lawyer about these post. I didn't go into too much detail. They did tell me though as long as I keep them brief and not super specific that I can post, but I just have to be careful about what I put on to not lead too many details. That is that.
So, for quick update, like I said will be brief and not too specific for legal reasons. We will start with the test. I was able to get an STD on myself and a paternity test on my girls. I came out that I thankfully have no disease and I am clear. Since she and I have had pretty much zero physical intimacy over the last year, I wasn't all that surprised.
Now for the one that I am sure most of you are wondering. The test on my two girls. Am I the dad? I will always be their dad regardless of the results. However, I am here to say that, YES, I AM THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER!!!!! I have never been so happy to know that I am their dad. Never thought I would have to question it, but here we are.
As for what has happened with by stbx. Well she is out of the house and I have been granted full temporary custody. In the future, may be a while, I will go into more specific details. However, for now she is out of the house. My lawyer set everything up for me to get my girls and make sure that we legally handled her being removed from the home. It wasn't pretty, but details for another time.
She was served at work, and from what I know it wasn't pretty. Like I said though, details for another time. My girls know what is going on. My oldest knows we are separating, and one of her friends parents split for the same reason. She has seen what happened with her friend and doesn't want us to split. She has been crying for me to let mommy come home.
I will be getting them in with a child therapist to explain and help them understand from direction of my lawyer. My youngest just wants mommy to come home and misses her. It kills me and makes me feel like a terrible father, and they probably hate me now. Sometimes I think I should just let their mother cheat on me to keep the family unit to make my girls happy. I just cant do that.
Sometimes I think about talking about allowing an open relationship and we can just wait till the girls are older, but that wont work for me. Plus, I know the girls will pick up on it and will not like it that mommy and daddy don't love each other.
As for my ex, she is living with her mother at this point. My mother-in-law has called me and asked to meet. I agreed and we will meeting at some point. She didn't ask for details, as she said we will talk later, but begged me not to take her granddaughters away from her.
I said you are a great and loving grandmother and as long as you can separate my girls from what is going on between your daughter and I, I see no issue with you being able to see them; and I will not take them out of your life. She thanked me and that is it.
My ex has been trying to call me and text me trying to "figure out us". Under direction of my lawyer he has had it setup so that I can talk to her through a trackable method and it is purely about the girls. No more no less. So, that is it for now. Will probably keep updating and once this is all over with I will make one big update for all the details I have to be careful about as of now. Thank you.
Two weeks later, he shared this third update:
Hey everyone, I though I would give everyone a small update on some stuff that has happened. So first off, I had Thanksgiving with my STBX and MIL. I did this purely for the girls and made sure with my lawyer this was only about the girls and not about reconciliation. That was taken care of.
First I have met with my MIL pre-thanksgiving. We met and had a pretty mutual discussion. Mainly just things about how we will handle my daughters after. My MIL did tell me some stuff about my STBX. I guess my STBX was cheated on by her HS BF. Didn't even know she dated anyone. I guess this guy came form one of "those families" according to my MIL and they told her to avoid him.
Well I guess one night she caught him with his head under another girls dress and tongue deep in a girls jewelry box. Why my MIL couldn't believe she would do this. She had a couple bf they met in college but she knew they wouldn't last. She said that as soon as she met me she found her son-in-law.
Says she is so sorry for her daughters actions and will make sure that she doesn't try to do anything problematic with the divorce. Anyway a couple days before Thanksgiving my MIL asked for me to come over for dinner with the girls. I said will she be there? She said yes. I said I can't with her there. She said she understands but asked if we could put on the holiday one more time for the girls.
She said I know you have a lawyer. Ask them and if they said it is a bad idea I get it. I did, and they said tell your wife via the app this is purely for the girls to avoid any confusion. So, I did. She had contacted me before about coming over. She has been begging me to see me and the girls. The girls have been begging me to see their mom. I swallowed my pride for my girls and we went.
It was awkward. My STBX gave our daughters a hug, fine, then tried to hug and kiss me. I just avoided her and went to give my MIL a hug. My STBX tried to act like husband and wife and was trying to talk to me. I answered with yes and no's and helped my MIL finished dinner and clean up. My MIL is religious and wanted to do a prayer and my STBX sat next to me.
I held my daughters hand my wife tried to grab mine I pulled away. I know it may seem petty but I don't want her touching me. I am an atheist but out of respect for my MIL I go along with it. Dinner was fine. Again STBX trying to act like we are going to be married and asking about Christmas and vacations I guess she wants to take with us as a family. When she mentioned this stuff I knew going over was a mistake.
We finished dinner and I pretty much got up, cleaned my daughters and I dishes then was ready to go. My daughters wanted to watch a movie with their mother we always watch. I let them and my STBX tried to cuddle next to me on the couch. I sat in the chair after that. My MIL was very mad at my STBX the whole night for how she acted. I could tell by the looks she gave her.
Movie ended and we started to leave. My daughter's fell asleep so I carried them to the car. Went in grab something and my STBX grabbed me in tears begging to work on things and that she wants to be a family and is so sorry for what happened. Before I could say anything my MIL grabbed her by the hair, not joking, yanked her told me goodnight and began yelling at her daughter.
So, yeah. told my lawyer everything and said nothing indicated reconciliation and you made that clear in your messages. You are fine. Wife once again calling and begging now to work on us. She gets left on read. I will only talk about the girls and I am sure they are going to want to do the same for Christmas. I don't know if I can or if it is okay. Once again I will discuss with my lawyer.
A week later, he shared this fourth update, and it's a sad one (but hopeful):
This will not be long, but things have gotten very bad for my girls. Basically my girls had two sessions this week with their therapist. The first one was good. My girls came out what seemed to be more a peace and calmer than usual. I talked to the therapist after and she seemed to be very good and understand my girls well. So, I took them to their second one and it did not go well.
Basically the therapist explained, in age appropriate terms, that the reason me and their mother is separating that their mother cheated, had an affair, and betrayed me. I knew eventually she would, but I didn't think it would happen this soon.
I went to get my girls and basically it was a burst of tears and them climbing all over me and giving me hugs crying saying they love me. I am happy they love me but this is not what I wanted to happen with my girls. I asked the therapist why did she tell them. She said the girls knew you two are separating, and the girls noticed you seemed to be really mean and unloving with their mother.
Your girls aren't stupid, she told me, they know how you are and they know how you treat their mom. They wanted to know why you are separating. I tried to walk around it the best I could, she said, but the girls are not going to progress in therapy if we don't tell them. I am not going to go into detail on what exactly she said to them, but it was age appropriate.
But they know the age appropriate version of their mother being unfaithful. I think my oldest could maybe handle this and be okay, but not my youngest. So, we get home and my girls wont let go of me. They are literally crying the whole night, so I order in food, I put in their favorite movies in my bedroom, and we laid there all night. They fell asleep and I went to the bathroom and just cried.
My stbx doesn't even realize the pain she is causing our girls. I don't know how I am going to deal with this. The therapist told me we could try medication for a bit till they get used to the new normal. I refused to do so, which she supported and said it was just an option, as I am not medicating them.
Disclaimer, she cannot give the meds, she said they would need to see their primary and they would probably diagnose my girls with something that would allow them to medicate them. I would rather deal with my daughters emotions the healthy way. I wont have to worry about Christmas as my daughters hate their mother now. How I know? My oldest said she never want to see her mom again.
My youngest follows what her older sister says, even though she may actually agree. I was shocked. I said, you don't hate her, you may be mad but you don't hate her. She loves and cares about you. My oldest just said no she doesn't and then just cried into my arms until she fell asleep and so did my youngest. So, this is my life now.
3 weeks later OP posted this update:
Hey everyone, so I am already being asked about did I have Christmas with the OBS (Other Betrayed Spouse). The answer is yes I did. It was very nice. Honestly, it was wonderful. The whole day was really amazing all things considered.
I laid out a lot of the girls presents from "santa". This will probably be the last year my oldest believes in santa, so I need to make it count. Anyway, I lay out the presents early, still dark no sun, and the girls wake up probably within in fifteen minutes saying that santa had came. I drag my tired a^% out of bed and the girls open their presents. They were very happy.
After I popped on a movie and the girls snuggled up next to me and they fell asleep instantly. I eventually got up and made some coffee. My youngest woke up and said I am hungry daddy. So, I put a apron on her and let her help me make breakfast. My oldest then woke up and we ate. They played with their presents and had a blast. It made me very happy.
I need them to get ready later in the evening so they could go see their mother and grandmother. I am usually more strict on them about being ready but with everything happening I will admit I have been more lenient. They get ready and say they really don't want to go see their mom. I told them that their mom loves them.
My therapist has said I need to encourage their relationship for proper growth. Plus, if I don't she said my wife could use it against me in court as isolation. She said the girls can make the decision to have a relationship with their mother when they are older. Also, my wife knows of the therapist and they have talked.
She basically told my wife that you betrayed your husband and it is clear that your husband are the girls favorite. They are going to need to see a lot from you for them to eventually trust and love you again. Then I said, don't punish grandma for your mothers actions. Go for grandma. They agreed.
I took them and it was pretty easy going. I got there called and my MIL. She came out and grabbed the girls things. They were going to stay the night for Christmas. My MIL asked if they could. I asked my lawyer and said it was fine. However, don't leave them their for days or do it often. But that night was fine.
I did tell the girls that if they wanted to come home at anytime that all they had to do was call me and I would come get them. As I was leaving, my stbx walked out. I don't know what they said, but my stbx said something to my MIL was a confused face and my MIL gave her a stern faced, I think, no. My stbx looked at me with tears in her eyes and waved. I just drove off.
I had left food in the oven and everything on warm for the OBS to show up. She eventually did and when she arrived she didn't have her toddler. I asked where they were at? She said that I guess her in laws wanted to see them for Christmas, and so did its father. Basically, she ran the same deal as me through our lawyer.
I was like okay. She was in a very pretty dress, leggings, fluffy boots, and nice wig. We ate dinner and just talked about our past and got to know each other. After dinner we went to the couch and I turned on movie. We talked about other stuff. Eventually I got a bottle of wine. I don't drink often but I usually like a certain wine on Christmas.
She asked if she could have some. I said are you okay to? She said yes, so I gave her some. Our conversation basically went from our past, to our interest, to our current issues (crying), and eventually joking and laughing. As we drank more we joked more. Two bottles later, that never happens, our conversation turned intimate.
Basically what we want/miss, and other stuff. We both found out that we are similar in this aspect. Pretty much everything we are. She said that your wife was lucky and f*&^%$ up. I said so did your husband. I know some of you said I should affirm her last try at me by saying that she is pretty but I just thought it was a bad thing to do when it came to being intimate.
I did and she said she knows. I said you can actually take that wig off if you don't want to where it. I said you look amazing without it. You are very beautiful with a pixie cut. She did and cried out a thank you. We kept talking about that stuff and eventually we started watching a movie cuddling.
Now, mind you were both inebriated. When me and my wife used to cuddle, my stbx actually liked it and it relaxed her when I would [be handsy]. Eventually she said that feels good. I freaked out and stopped and said I am so sorry I didn't realize I was even doing it. She said it was fine and asked if I would keep doing it as it felt good and relaxed her.
I asked are you sure? She said yes, so I did. Not going to lie, I was excited. [deleted for community standards].
Next morning we ate breakfast and got showered. I asked did you plan on this? She laughed and said no, a girl always has an extra pair of clothes. She then asked me as she was leaving did you feel anything last night? I was honest and said yes.
However, we need to make sure that we are worried about us and our kids and these feelings aren't false. She agreed and said we will explore them later. She actually gave me a kiss on the cheek and thanked me for a great night. Said I will text you later.
I went and picked up my girls and they actually had a good time. They said mom was on her best behavior for the most part. So yeah right now I just finished prepping dinner and will be spending the evening with my girls. Thank you everyone. These reddit post are like my therapy lol.
A little over 2 months later OP came back with this update:
Hey everyone, I know it has been a couple months since I last updated. Things have just been very busy.
So this wont be too long. Also, I don't blame for many of you thinking this is fake. Reddit is full of liars and s^%$ stirrers and story tellers. Anyway, girls are doing much better between their therapist and activities they are having a much better time. They are still having their moments but they are doing much better.
As for me and OBS. We still talk almost daily, but have done nothing physical since. We have met once since and we discussed that even though we do not regret what we did we shouldn't have done it.
Now for my STBX. For few weeks after Christmas, she was still trying pretty hard to get me to talk to her. However, that has for the most part stopped. She now has as a lawyer. My lawyer was made aware and has said that our meetings will be coming soon. She has realized that I am actually done and that she can't get me to change my mind.
I am sure they will want to try reconciliation but that will not be happening. She is still calling and texting me every now and again to try to get me to reconsider, but she gets left on read.
As to the OBS ex. He has as actually been arrested. Not too much detail for now, but I guess he confronted my STBX at work and they got into verbal altercation where she threatened to call the cops. He then assaulted her which lead to the workers there getting involved and pretty much dropping him.
Cops showed up, arrested him, stbx is pressing charges. I am sure he will be getting a lawyer against her for their affair but I haven't heard anything.
MIL told me this and said you can see her if you want, I guess he blacked her eye and busted her lip, but she said karma is a bitch and this is hers so... I have not seen my wife and neither have the girls since the incident. Other than this unless something crazy happens you probably wont hear from until after our first meeting with our lawyers.
About 3 months later OP posted his 7th update, that he called "almost here":
Hey everyone, just wanted to give a quick update with everything.
First I need to apologize. I did not update you after our first meeting with our lawyers. A lot has just happened and life gets in the way sometimes. However, I am going to try to summarize as much as I can.
To begin, my girls. They are not as good as I was hoping. They were making really good progress and were doing much better. However, as the day gets closer to the divorce, and them realizing we are actually separating, they have both began to really have issues. Their therapist said that the girls accepted it, but really thought you two would work it out. Realizing you aren't is hitting them hard.
My youngest is doing okay, but my oldest I am actually very much concerned for. She is actually depressed and it is concerning me. I am taking the proper precautions with her therapist and doing what she recommends. She herself is saying we may have to medicate her for a while, but I am resistant.
However, it may get to a point where that me be the only option. My oldest is a in shape girls and healthy, but I have noticed some of her clothes not fitting. I don't think she is eating as much and I have discussed with her doctor to basically put things in her food to help her gain weight.
I hope we can get this figured out because she is really starting to scare me. I feel I have failed as a father because I have never wanted my daughter to be like this. I am not religious, but if you can please pray for my daughters.
Next, as usual, me and OBS are still in contact everyday. We are getting along great and things are getting easier. However, some bad news for her. No, nothing to do with her health or her child (thank goodness). However, here stbx has skipped town. I am not surprised by this. He left shortly after he was bailed out for assaulting my stbx. Come to find out my ex was the last to have contact with him.
I guess my suspicions were correct. She was going to press charges and he threatened to sue due their affair and claimed she used her power over him to initiate the affair. She dropped the charges, he isn't going to sue, and he left. No one knows where and his parents claim they have no idea. Do I believe them? No. But I have no way of proving that'.
As for our meeting with our lawyers. There was not a lot of drama to be honest. It was basically just my lawyer giving my demands. After the incident with AP I pushed for full custody. My lawyer laid everything out that I wanted. Her lawyer, didn't even listen. He said for the sake of the children, you two need to reconcile.
My lawyer laughed and said not a chance in hell. Brought up everything that has happened with what she did, the issues with AP, etc. He said these our demands or we will see you in court. Once again, he just wanted to reconcile. My lawyer said very well and we will see you in court. Two weeks after I get a call from my lawyer.
She agreed to all terms as long as she got the girls two weekends a months and alternating holidays. She originally said all weekends but my lawyer said no. I agreed to the terms. She is still their mother I hope she has learned to make our girls the priority after all of this.
My stbx looked awful. She is borderline anorexic, looks like she has aged ten years, and I even think her hair may be failing out. Even though, I do not love her, she is still the mother of my daughters and i do not like seeing her that way. I asked my MIL to get her some help. She said this is her punishment.
I said she is still your granddaughters mom and you daughter. She needs to be their for them and needs help. So she is currently working with her to get her back to the way she was. She has actually left me a note to meet with her in person, in public, one time before the divorce to talk. I did agree and we are meeting sometime next week to have one final talk. It will be recorded and in public.
We are still married, but the end is the first week of July. So a few more weeks and it will be over. Thank you all for the support and I hope to be on the other side very soon.
About 2 weeks later OP posted another update:
Hey everyone, sorry I didn't update earlier, but I have just been caught up with everything. Especially with 2 active young ladies during summer. I am going to hit just quick few points then get to my stbx and our meeting.
1. Against my better judgement, we have decided to put my oldest on meds for a while. I discussed with her primary, therapist, and my stbx. She will be on the lowest dosage possible until everything settles. Once we see she seems to have adapted to the way of living, we will start weaning her off of them.
2. My youngest seems to be adjusting well with no real issues. She does say she wishes we would live together again, but understands why. She is very smart for her age.
3. We have no clue where AP is. He has pretty much vanished.
4. Me and OBS still talk everyday.
Now to the part I am sure you want to hear. Me and my ex met at the park where we usually took our girls. Everything was videoed in case she tried something. She didn't. Most of our discussion was about the girls and that she agreed it was best if they stay with me full time for a while during our separation.
She said she just isn't in the right mindset to be a mom right now. She said, "clearly I have failed as mother and I need to learn how to be one again". Like I said no real need to go into detail about that is it was mainly discussing the girls. Now for the final part.
As I got up to leave, I decided better to just leave with that info. She did ask if we could stop the divorce, get counseling, and try again. I said absolutely not. I told her that with everything you said and did to me. Everything you allowed AP to say and do to me. Reminded her that what he did to his wife and child, she knows.
Everything she did to our girls. I am like "do you really think you deserve a second chance"? She said no. At this point I was pretty fired up. I started going about how I loved her, gave up my career for her and our girls. did everything for her. She of course started crying. Eventually I just stopped. She said she was sorry. I of course responded with sorry don't mean shit anymore.
I then, for some reason, asked what they hell was going through your head when you started this shit? Now, I don't know if anyone on here said anything about this, but I do know someone sent me a link to a video on YouTube where some guy read it and him and others started discussing my situation. I kind skimmed through the comments and many of them were right based on what she said next.
She blurted, and I quote, "I wanted to be the one at home"! I had a confused look on my face. Then it all came out of her. She never wanted to run her dad's business. She wanted me to. She never wanted to work 40+ hours at the business, she wanted to be a mom and wife. She just kept going. I wanted you to take over and run it.
I wanted to be the homemaker. I wanted to be the one waiting home with meals. I wanted to be the one playing and taking care of our girls. I never wanted to be a breadwinner. I never wanted to be a business owner. She literally went on for a good 30 minutes spouting this.
After she was done she looked like she was about the pass out. I just went, "then why did you make me quit my job and say you wanted to run the business".
She said, I wanted you to say I will do it. I was like, not my business, I have never worked in that field before, I would have no clue what is going on. Plus, I said wouldn't it be kind of awful of me to say I will run your dad's business? She said that was what she wanted. I then said why didn't you say that?
Apparently she wanted me to say it because she didn't want to admit to wanting to be a stay-at-home wife. I then blew up and was like all of this over some stupid pride? I was like I wouldn't have cared if you wanted to be at home and admitted to it. I was so angry at this point, and still am.
I then asked what does that have to do with the affair? She said during the pandemic and towards the end she was working so many hours and she got jealous and angry of the fact I was at home with the girls. The AP I guessed picked up on that and started telling her all those nasty things about me and how if I was real man she could be at home.
So, that lead to the affair, and she said she did once and tried to end it. He said okay, but started talking ill of me again and how she could be home and she kept doing that and eventually that became like a consistent thing.
Basically she would try to end it and he would insult me and make her angry and envious and she would go back to have the affair again. Which lead to her being mean and nasty with me because of stupid jealousy that all could have been avoid with communication from day one.
At that point she said how she just wants her family back and for things to back to normal. I was just devastated and angry that I just got up and left. So after that there has been a lot of anger in my heart and just over being pissed off.
Edit: Also, I forgot to mention that I guess back around late last year. She was pregnant with AP's child. She ended up having an abortion. MIL told me that she was acting odd and seeming sick and thought she was faking it for attention. Nope, she was pregnant.
That is another reason she was going crazy at this time. Sorry for adding this after. I meant to add originally, but I got re-pissed writing this and submitted before adding it.
A little over 2 months later OP posted this 9th upda
Sorry everyone for not posting in 3 months. This will be quick, but I just thought I should give a few updates.
1. Girls are doing better. We are already slowly taking my daughter off the pills as she is doing better.
2. The divorce is final.
3. Me and OBS are still not dating but do go out when we can to talk and be a little sane.
4. AP is now in in jail and is facing prison time.
5. My ex tried to commit suicide shortly after the divorce, but is okay now. However, she is being monitored frequently.
To summarize. On the day of the divorce she didn't show up. The judged just signed the papers for me and poof, it was done. I later called my ex and just "I don't know what you were trying to pull, but the papers are signed and it's official". About a week later I get a call from my ex mother-in-law who is frantic.
I ask her what's wrong. She found my ex in her bed foaming of the mouth from prescription pills were not sure how she got. She had already called an ambulance and they were taking her to the hospital. She was not allowed to ride in the ambulance with her. I went to one of my neighbors, who has kids around the same age as my girls, to see if they could watch them.
They did, thankfully the girls and those kids get along very well, and rushed to the ER. I got there, they wouldn't let me in and said they have to get her stable. Around and hour later the doctor comes out and says that she is fine, and that it seems she will make a full recovery, but they will need to do some test to make sure her brain or any other part wasn't damaged.
Thankfully none were. I waited at the hospital till she woke up. I was so angry at her How could she do this? I'll admit. I was holding her hand and was distraught. When she woke up she squeezed my hand. At this point I just sat there. After a while she started coming to and seemed to be okay.
She knew who I was so that was a good sign. She started crying and I told her not to cry. I told her when her mother gets back, she had to go get some things because they were going to keep her for monitoring, that I have to get the girls. She tried to talk to me, but I told her she needs to rest. I left and since then we have had good talks. NO, we are not getting back together.
Although, she told me she would wait for me and if it means forever then she will. I told her forever is a long time. She is back to normal, no damage and is moving on fine. I heavily guilt tripped her about the girls and asked if she would be okay with them not having their mother.
That kind of snapped her out of her slump. We are working more as a team for the girls now, but she is still wanting us to reconcile. NO CHANCE.
AP eventually showed up and tried to break in OBS house. She had officially divorced him and took the house. Thankfully where we live a judge can just officiate the divorce if they see fit. When he did OBS called the cops and thankfully arrived in time. OBS was defending their child from him. I know it sounds awful but thankfully they are an infant and wont remember.
Basically, she locked the door and called the cops. He broke the door and tried to take the child and she wouldn't let him. He beat her, punched her, kicked her threaten to kill her. She has the recordings since her child is young on like a baby camera. He then tried to rape her, but thankfully the cops showed up before this happened and were able to arrest him.
He is looking at a lot of time. Plus they later found he was drunk and high. Had an illegal gun in the car and drugs. So, there is a good chance this evil POS will never see the light of day again. I have been helping her a lot and so has one other person. My ex MIL.
When she found what happened she has been helping her a lot. Helping with bills, cooking, cleaning, and raising her child. My ex MIL looks at this child as another grandchild and OBS is happy about it. His parents want nothing to do with her or the child now. So, its just her.
Thankfully my ex MIL is fire and brimstone, but is also a warm hearted woman. So, they have been helping. She has restrained from telling my ex about it. I am sure she knows though as it is the talk of the town. So, from my understanding, people have noticed that she seems to be so disappointed in herself she cant stand it.
That's pretty much it at this point. I did promise a update where I said how the serving went and it will happen in the future. Just I will probably do one more update then be done with this forever. Thank you all for the support.
About 7 months later OP posted this: "The final update will be coming soon."
I apologize as it has almost been a year since my last update. I promise the final update is coming soon. A lot has happened since the last time and I will give you the synopsis of the day she was served since everyone wants to know. Things are good though.
That's all we know, for now...