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'I borrowed my wife's phone and saw texts from her co-worker. They were about me.' UPDATED 4X

'I borrowed my wife's phone and saw texts from her co-worker. They were about me.' UPDATED 4X

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"Caught my wife, of 13 years, cheating with a co-worker"

Here's the original post:

Just here to get straight to the point. My wife and I have been married since we were 25. We are 38 now. We met in college, got married and everything has been great. We both graduated, got good jobs, and started our lives together. Me and my wife both made good money, so money was never an issue for us. My wife worked for her dad's small business while I worked for a very large company.

After a few years, my boss left the company out of nowhere and they needed someone to take over. The only person who knew how to run the department was me. So, I got a major pay jump, better bonus, better benefits. The works. So, at 28 I was making probably 3x + plus more than my wife.

At 28, the same year, my wife gave birth to our first daughter. Then, two years later, our second. My wife, due to working for her father, was able to be more diverse in working. Well, around 5 years ago, my father-in-law passed away unexpectedly. That left my mother-in-law and wife in a hard position. Sell the company or run it themselves.

My mother-in-law had no clue how to run it, so my wife said she would do it. After my wife took the company, it did just as well as when her father ran it. With that being said, my wife got a huge pay increase, more than me. I was proud of her. Going from a basic worker to running a whole company isn't easy.

Anyway, our daughters started suffering from not seeing their parents. Me and my wife discussed one of us staying home. She said, "The company you work for will be fine without you. Mine could go under." I agreed, so I quit my job and became a stay-at-home dad/husband.

I do everything. I make sure the girls are all taken care of. I cook, clean, fix things, make sure errands are run, you name it. I pamper my wife when she gets home from working. This went well for a while until about a year ago. My wife was always very appreciative of what I did and loved it. She has become very mean lately. Like just saying things like, "do you do anything" or "How about you work for real?"

What? I work my @$$ every day making sure you don't have to lift a finger when you get home at all. Also, I had a "real job", but I quit to raise and take care of the girls, our home, and you. Not to mention my wife is very physical. Always has been. She quit initiating intimacy and when I ask she is never in the mood. That was very odd.

Eventually, I quit trying. I just thought, with all the pandemic crap and everything else, she was just very stressed and it was getting to her. I started trying harder to make her happy. Nothing ever worked. Last weekend, my oldest had a softball game. So, I get everything ready and we go.

During the game, I wanted to take a video for my mom and dad since they live in another state and don't get to see my daughters that often. I forgot my phone so I asked my wife if I could see hers. She had been attached to it all day so it would be good for her to get off it. Anyway, she hands it to me and says she is going to get a drink and a snack. She gets up.

I video my daughter when a message comes up on some app. I check and I cant even fathom what I see. My wife and this guy from her work, who is 8 years younger, are sending videos and pics, talking about how great their physical chemistry was and then talking about me. He is saying how I am some wimp who can't get a real job taking care of his women and my wife agrees with him. I couldn't believe this!

I was so devastated and angry all at the same time. I heard my wife coming back, so I closed the app and started videoing. On the ride home and when we get home, my wife tries to talk to me and I am not in the mood. Eventually, we lay in bed and, for the first time, I guess they hadn't met in a while, tried to initiate intimacy. I tell her I am not in a mood.

She says, "If you are going to be a bitch about everything, you can sleep on the couch". I got up and went to the couch and now have been here since. I don't know how to move forward with this. I really just don't know where to start. My wife was my everything, my girls are my world, and all of that is dying. Any advice would be wonderful as I really need it.

TL;DR: Wife and I met in college and got married. Her dad died and she took over the family business. I became a stay at home dad and she is cheating on me.

Edit: Should have mentioned I did send screenshots of the conversation to my phones. I do have the evidence.

Later that day, he posted this first update:

Hey everyone, I want to thank you all for the advice you all gave. First off I do have the text, pics, videos and everything. Second, I don't any of the company. It is 50/50 between her and my mother-in-law. Third, I can't sleep in the bed. I have been sleeping the guest bedroom every night and that is where I will be staying. To answer, I have decided to divorce her.

Anyway this morning I called a firm in another town to avoid anyone finding out. Thankfully there were able to get me in this morning as someone had cancelled. After dropping off my girls I drove over there. To make a long story short, he is a very good lawyer. I showed him what I had. He said that luckily for me with the evidence I have she will be pretty much screwed in the divorce.

Seeing as I quit my job to raise our girls, she is never home, she is having an affair, prioritizes this man over me and my girls, she will lose very easily. He basically said we will get child support, alimony, I will keep the house and she we will have to pay for it as long as my girls live there.

Also, he stated that we could even try for more money since I am considered "no longer viable in the working world" to help me pay for more education to get a job. Some of you were right. He said to not work until after the divorce is over. He said since you are the husband if you have a job you can lose a lot of this.

He asked if I wanted full custody? I said that I don't mind my wife seeing her girls on the weekends every once in a while, but I would wont mostly full custody. He said since she had an affair in the marital home I can basically do what I want. Since he stated bringing over a strange man over to the house put the girls in danger and makes her guilty.

So, I will be going for full custody where she can get weekends once maybe twice a month. No man will be allowed around my girls and if there are she could face problems by me if I find out. I just don't want that POS around my girls. He eventually said to keep quiet until the draft are ready and then he will issue someone to serve her and have it issued that she is required to leave the home.

He said he should have it done sometime next week. He asked me to just keep quiet. He said I know it is hard and you are upset but just shut the hell up until everything is done. Once the divorce is over you can say whatever the hell you want about her, but until then keep your mouth shut. He said act as normal.

He said, no fights, no issues, sleep in separate bed, and no physical intimacy. I said no problem but why? He said trust me just don't do it and do as I say. I just got home and have started getting ready for dinner and acting and being normal. I will be acting as if everything is okay until she is served next week.

Thank you all for the advice and some very harsh words.

Quick Edit: He recommended I get an STD test. Plus, a DNA test on my girls. When I asked why he said, "It is pretty rare incident's like this are the first time they have happened". So, yeah that hurt to hear and scared the hell out of me.

Ten days later, he shared this second update:

Hey everyone, I just want to thank you to all who sent me good messages over this period. I have been feeling down and things have been rough. To preface, I have talked to my lawyer about these post. I didn't go into too much detail. They did tell me though as long as I keep them brief and not super specific that I can post, but I just have to be careful about what I put on to not lead too many details. That is that.

So, for quick update, like I said will be brief and not too specific for legal reasons. We will start with the test. I was able to get an STD on myself and a paternity test on my girls. I came out that I thankfully have no disease and I am clear. Since she and I have had pretty much zero physical intimacy over the last year, I wasn't all that surprised.

Now for the one that I am sure most of you are wondering. The test on my two girls. Am I the dad? I will always be their dad regardless of the results. However, I am here to say that, YES, I AM THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER!!!!! I have never been so happy to know that I am their dad. Never thought I would have to question it, but here we are.

As for what has happened with by stbx. Well she is out of the house and I have been granted full temporary custody. In the future, may be a while, I will go into more specific details. However, for now she is out of the house. My lawyer set everything up for me to get my girls and make sure that we legally handled her being removed from the home. It wasn't pretty, but details for another time.

She was served at work, and from what I know it wasn't pretty. Like I said though, details for another time. My girls know what is going on. My oldest knows we are separating, and one of her friends parents split for the same reason. She has seen what happened with her friend and doesn't want us to split. She has been crying for me to let mommy come home.

I will be getting them in with a child therapist to explain and help them understand from direction of my lawyer. My youngest just wants mommy to come home and misses her. It kills me and makes me feel like a terrible father, and they probably hate me now. Sometimes I think I should just let their mother cheat on me to keep the family unit to make my girls happy. I just cant do that.

Sometimes I think about talking about allowing an open relationship and we can just wait till the girls are older, but that wont work for me. Plus, I know the girls will pick up on it and will not like it that mommy and daddy don't love each other.

As for my ex, she is living with her mother at this point. My mother-in-law has called me and asked to meet. I agreed and we will meeting at some point. She didn't ask for details, as she said we will talk later, but begged me not to take her granddaughters away from her.

I said you are a great and loving grandmother and as long as you can separate my girls from what is going on between your daughter and I, I see no issue with you being able to see them; and I will not take them out of your life. She thanked me and that is it.

My ex has been trying to call me and text me trying to "figure out us". Under direction of my lawyer he has had it setup so that I can talk to her through a trackable method and it is purely about the girls. No more no less. So, that is it for now. Will probably keep updating and once this is all over with I will make one big update for all the details I have to be careful about as of now. Thank you.

Two weeks later, he shared this third update:

Hey everyone, I though I would give everyone a small update on some stuff that has happened. So first off, I had Thanksgiving with my STBX and MIL. I did this purely for the girls and made sure with my lawyer this was only about the girls and not about reconciliation. That was taken care of.

First I have met with my MIL pre-thanksgiving. We met and had a pretty mutual discussion. Mainly just things about how we will handle my daughters after. My MIL did tell me some stuff about my STBX. I guess my STBX was cheated on by her HS BF. Didn't even know she dated anyone. I guess this guy came form one of "those families" according to my MIL and they told her to avoid him.

Well I guess one night she caught him with his head under another girls dress and tongue deep in a girls jewelry box. Why my MIL couldn't believe she would do this. She had a couple bf they met in college but she knew they wouldn't last. She said that as soon as she met me she found her son-in-law.

Says she is so sorry for her daughters actions and will make sure that she doesn't try to do anything problematic with the divorce. Anyway a couple days before Thanksgiving my MIL asked for me to come over for dinner with the girls. I said will she be there? She said yes. I said I can't with her there. She said she understands but asked if we could put on the holiday one more time for the girls.

She said I know you have a lawyer. Ask them and if they said it is a bad idea I get it. I did, and they said tell your wife via the app this is purely for the girls to avoid any confusion. So, I did. She had contacted me before about coming over. She has been begging me to see me and the girls. The girls have been begging me to see their mom. I swallowed my pride for my girls and we went.

It was awkward. My STBX gave our daughters a hug, fine, then tried to hug and kiss me. I just avoided her and went to give my MIL a hug. My STBX tried to act like husband and wife and was trying to talk to me. I answered with yes and no's and helped my MIL finished dinner and clean up. My MIL is religious and wanted to do a prayer and my STBX sat next to me.

I held my daughters hand my wife tried to grab mine I pulled away. I know it may seem petty but I don't want her touching me. I am an atheist but out of respect for my MIL I go along with it. Dinner was fine. Again STBX trying to act like we are going to be married and asking about Christmas and vacations I guess she wants to take with us as a family. When she mentioned this stuff I knew going over was a mistake.

We finished dinner and I pretty much got up, cleaned my daughters and I dishes then was ready to go. My daughters wanted to watch a movie with their mother we always watch. I let them and my STBX tried to cuddle next to me on the couch. I sat in the chair after that. My MIL was very mad at my STBX the whole night for how she acted. I could tell by the looks she gave her.

Movie ended and we started to leave. My daughter's fell asleep so I carried them to the car. Went in grab something and my STBX grabbed me in tears begging to work on things and that she wants to be a family and is so sorry for what happened. Before I could say anything my MIL grabbed her by the hair, not joking, yanked her told me goodnight and began yelling at her daughter.

So, yeah. told my lawyer everything and said nothing indicated reconciliation and you made that clear in your messages. You are fine. Wife once again calling and begging now to work on us. She gets left on read. I will only talk about the girls and I am sure they are going to want to do the same for Christmas. I don't know if I can or if it is okay. Once again I will discuss with my lawyer.

A week later, he shared this fourth update, and it's a sad one (but hopeful):

This will not be long, but things have gotten very bad for my girls. Basically my girls had two sessions this week with their therapist. The first one was good. My girls came out what seemed to be more a peace and calmer than usual. I talked to the therapist after and she seemed to be very good and understand my girls well. So, I took them to their second one and it did not go well.

Basically the therapist explained, in age appropriate terms, that the reason me and their mother is separating that their mother cheated, had an affair, and betrayed me. I knew eventually she would, but I didn't think it would happen this soon.

I went to get my girls and basically it was a burst of tears and them climbing all over me and giving me hugs crying saying they love me. I am happy they love me but this is not what I wanted to happen with my girls. I asked the therapist why did she tell them. She said the girls knew you two are separating, and the girls noticed you seemed to be really mean and unloving with their mother.

Your girls aren't stupid, she told me, they know how you are and they know how you treat their mom. They wanted to know why you are separating. I tried to walk around it the best I could, she said, but the girls are not going to progress in therapy if we don't tell them. I am not going to go into detail on what exactly she said to them, but it was age appropriate.

But they know the age appropriate version of their mother being unfaithful. I think my oldest could maybe handle this and be okay, but not my youngest. So, we get home and my girls wont let go of me. They are literally crying the whole night, so I order in food, I put in their favorite movies in my bedroom, and we laid there all night. They fell asleep and I went to the bathroom and just cried.

My stbx doesn't even realize the pain she is causing our girls. I don't know how I am going to deal with this. The therapist told me we could try medication for a bit till they get used to the new normal. I refused to do so, which she supported and said it was just an option, as I am not medicating them.

Disclaimer, she cannot give the meds, she said they would need to see their primary and they would probably diagnose my girls with something that would allow them to medicate them. I would rather deal with my daughters emotions the healthy way. I wont have to worry about Christmas as my daughters hate their mother now. How I know? My oldest said she never want to see her mom again.

My youngest follows what her older sister says, even though she may actually agree. I was shocked. I said, you don't hate her, you may be mad but you don't hate her. She loves and cares about you. My oldest just said no she doesn't and then just cried into my arms until she fell asleep and so did my youngest. So, this is my life now.

Sources: Reddit
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