'My ex-BFF who had an affair with my ex just hired me to make a bday cake for their child.' UPDATED 2X

Here's the original post:

"Getting cheated on and getting a divorce made me realize how much I was missing from life."

I (33F) just wanted to share this with everyone who is going through a divorce or a heart break for a similar reason. I married someone who I loved with all my heart. We met in college and right after graduation we got married. I decided to stay home because my husband (34M) made a lot of money. I gave him everything. Supported his business, cooked for him, cleaned for him.

Basically babied him a lot because I was in love with him. I thought if I was a good wife and nurtured him, he would love me back. And for like 5 years it was good. I discovered he was cheating on me when I found a random receipt from a hotel. I investigated a little and found out he was in fact cheating on me. And his AP was my bestfriend Kylie (31F). I was betrayed by 2 of my closest people.

Kylie gave me a vague excuse that she didn't want to hurt me but she just fell in love with him. His excuse was "You do not make me feel special anymore. You have just got boring and let yourself go." I agree I was a little chubby back then because of my medicines. Also I was always too tired to workout. I tried the path of reconciliation but failed. He left me for Kylie.

This whole incident made me realize who are my real friends and who are fake ones. There were people who are neutral but only 2 of them, Josh and Marie were on my side and cut off Kylie. I was really devastated. I felt like without him, I was a no one. I lost my husband, my bestfriend, my house, my life.

I stayed with Marie for a while. She offered me a small job in her catering business. I love food. When I was married, I would make different variety of food for my ex husband. Cooking was just very therapeutic to me.

During that time, Marie's mom gave me some useful advice. That is "An average human lives for 75 years. You are already 27. Are you that stupid that you want to waste the rest of your life being sad over a man who never loved you?" That thing really stuck with me. I have trust issues because of my husband's infidelity. I had trouble dating so I skipped it for a while.

I focused on working on myself. I socialized with a lot of people while I was catering and made a lot of connections. I always wanted to start a business of my own. And since I loved creating food a customer I was catering for actually gave me an idea to start a baking business. My friends also helped me a lot. I build a pretty small yet successful baking business within couple of years.

I started to feel more of myself now that I am free. I didn't realize I had so much free time in my hands because I wasn't busy taking care of a large human. My house was clean. No one is putting dirty laundry on the floor. No one is telling me to make something else because they are not in mood for a certain dish. Nobody puts dirty dishes on the sink. I started to embrace this solidarity.

I know those things I mentioned are not something that is big but it was a huge relief. Moreover, no one questions me whenever I go out. I don't have to answer anyone before going out. I can spontaneously go on a long drive and I don't have to ask for permission. I learned a new language within my free time. I focused more on family and friends who genuinely love me.

And getting dumped has made me see the red flags I missed in my marriages. I used that as a lesson to steer clear of any trash men in my life. I dated few men but they didn't seem nice to me. But it didn't bother me a lot. I am happy being single and carefree. I see my divorce as a blessing to me rather than a curse.

I do feel alone sometimes but recently I got a call from Kylie saying that she regrets marrying my ex. Because he never appreciates her and always puts the burden of everything on her. They have 2 kids now. But my ex doesn't help her with any chores. She is always tired and exhausted after taking care of 2 kids and an adult.

It just made me realize that it would have been me if my husband didn't cheat on me with Kylie. I simply told her "well you said you loved him so he is your problem now. what's the point of coming to me?" That B!tch has the audacity to say she wanted a friend. I blocked her number. I don't want to be in their lives.

Sometimes I feel like I missed my prime because I am now 33. It feels too old to start over. But I still have hope for love one day. I am currently dating a guy who is also divorced like me because his wife cheated on him. So we will see how that goes.

A week later, she shared this post:

"My ex-bestfriend, who married my ex-husband hired me to make a cake for her son's birth."

I (33F) am in a bit of dilemma. You see, my ex-bestfriend (31F) had an affair with my ex-husband (34M) when we were married. Our friendship fell apart right over there. I didn't have any contact with her until a month ago. She called me and said she is not happy with her life. I have moved in with my life. I don't need their shenanigans. I run a small baking business. It is relatively new.

I only take orders for cakes on occasions like birthdays, graduation or reunion (except for weddings). I have some plans to expand it and also have a dream to open a bakery of my own one day. Few days ago, I get an order from my ex-bestfriend. She wanted me to make desserts for her son's 1st birthday. And she doesn't just want me to make a birthday cake.

She also wants a dessert section in the birthday party. It is a huge order and the pay is good. It will be good for my business. But as you can see she and I have a history. This made me question. Why does she want me to do it? My ex comes from a well to do family. He also has a high paying job.

She could easily hire the best baker in town. Why does she want me to do it? My business is not that big. It made me feel like she is trying to grab my attention. Or just trying to sabotage my business. Or maybe she wants to talk to me after I shunned her the last time.

On the other hand, the business woman inside me says to take it, I know I can do it. The party is huge. There will be many people from affluent background. I can promote my business to those people. It will boost my revenue as well. I am thinking if I just avoid her as much as possible then it will be good. But I don't know. I am stuck in between. I need some good advice.

Commenters weighed in to offer advice:

Comment 1:

Take it. Make them the best cake you can. Show them that you’re not bothered y either of them. The best payback is no payback.

OP responded: Hey, at least this way I will get some money considering I wasted my 20s on an ungrateful manchild.

Comment 2:

I wonder if she is trying to annoy her husband? Just a thought. Maybe she is trying to do good thing?

OP: I talk to a friend of mine about it after I got the order. She is in a catering business too. She said that maybe my ex-bestfriend just wants to compensate for what she has done to me. Like a charity.

Comment 3: I don’t think there is a strong case not to do it. As you say, the money is good, the opportunity is great, if you’re serious about your business you take those opportunities when they come. The alternative is wondering ‘what might have been’ if you don’t take this order and that doesn’t sound like you.

The question is, how much contact to have with this person. You could reach out, speak on the day, or just make the order and keep your distance. That side of things is completely up to you.

The customer is always right about the product, quality, and service - but you are fully in control of how you navigate the situation beyond the professional.

OP: I do ask customers about the kind of cake they want. So there is a lot of interaction. I could ask her to only contact me through email if she has any reference cake or any inquiry and only physically contact if necessary.

OP later shared this update:

I totally forgot about this post. A lot of people have been asking me what I decided. Sorry to disappoint you guys I accepted the order. It looked too good to pass it to someone else. Call me a greedy businesswoman all you want. But like you said ask for advance payment. I did ask for it. They paid in advance. I always ask for advance full payment. I also minimized the contacts with my ex-bff.

So far the interaction between us has been through e-mail and also I have an assistant who is a family friend. He knows my situation and is a middle man. I am documenting everything. I know I am taking a huge risk with this. But I am willing to see where it goes.

Also I got to know hiring me was my ex-husband's idea. Not hers. My ex heard about my service from a colleague of his and wanted to hire me. I haven't talked to my ex about this. Most of my communications has been with my ex-bsf. Nothing big happened. I am still working on it. I will post a full update after all of this is done. Stay tuned.

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A month after her original post, she shared this second update:

Hi, guys. I have read your advice and suggestions. You all made some really good points. So, I decided to talk to my mom about it. I just needed her insights about this matter. She told me I should do what I want to do. My boyfriend also encouraged me to take the order. He says that if I had to stay to organize the dessert table he would be there for me. I took the order.

And it turns out, it was my ex husband’s idea to hire me. Because one of his colleagues recommended my services to him. And it was sort of short notice so I had to rush this. Anyways, I kept it strictly about business. I did take the payment in advance just like some of you have mentioned. I always ask for advance payments. I mostly maintained communication through email.

I have an assistant who is also a family friend of mine to handle all communications. My ex-bsf tried many times to meet with me in person, but I told her to just email me because I do have cake orders for other people too. I only had to meet her 1 time in person regarding the order. She sent me the details of the party over the email.

And like I mentioned it was a huge order. I didn’t just have to make a birthday cake for the baby (it is pokemon themed). There were also cake pops, cupcakes and macarons. Luckily, I had my friend Marie over for some help (yes, I did pay her). So, like usual I went to deliver the cakes and other stuff for the party. There was already a table set at the venue.

My boyfriend, Josh (35M) came with me to support me and to keep me away from my ex-husband and ex-bsf as much as possible. As I was busy with myself, my ex approached me and said hello. Ngl, seeing him after so many years my heart just stopped. This man has given me the worst pain you could possibly give to a human. I am glad I held my composure.

I also said hello back. He tried to have a small talk with me by saying that he is sorry about how things went down and what he said and also I looked better than the last time he saw me. Then he drops a big bomb, he said all these years he has thought of me, wondering what I was doing even though he is happy with his married life. I was silent. I didn’t say a word.

He just kept spewing that he misses me and my cooking. My homemade french onion soup is still his favorite. He misses that every time he gets sick with a flu. I didn’t know what to say. At that moment Josh noticed that my ex was making me uncomfortable and he rushed towards me with a fake emergency. He asked if I was ok, I said yes.

After the table setting was done, I was about to leave, that’s when I saw my ex-FIL along with other guests. He noticed me and came to give me a hug. My ex-FIL is a very humble man. In fact he was the only man who was on my side when I was going through a divorce with his son. He looked really happy to see me and asked me how I was. He started to chat with me.

I talked to him about my business and he gave me some advice. He even talked to my boyfriend. He called Josh a “pretty standard guy” (whatever that means). Ex-FIL was nice and said he would suggest my services to his friends too. He insisted that I stay until lunch is served. I said no a couple of times but he managed to convince me. I only stayed for 1 more hour or so.

But I was fine. I did notice that my ex-bsf was eyeing me from the corner. I was fine because Josh was beside me the whole time. I chatted with some guests. They appreciated my service. I didn’t have any more conversations with my ex. I didn’t even stay for the cake cutting. I left the first chance I got but my assistant stayed to make sure everything was fine and for the clean up.

It was overwhelming for me. I saw some of my old friends and my in-laws. My MIL avoided me and some of my old friends just said hello. Later that day I got a message from my ex-bsf on my work email that she liked my service and that her guests really liked my cakes and desserts. She also said sorry. That’s not where it ends.

I got to know from my friend Marie, who is still in contact with some of my old friend group that my ex-bsf is not happy with her marriage. When my ex and her are in public they would often fight a lot. They also fight on the day of their kid’s birthday. Tbh I just told her to not bring me the gossip about her. But the silver lining is I got a huge fat check lol.

I can finally buy a new sugar printer or maybe a good quality oven. Also, I just want to appreciate my boyfriend Josh. He has been incredibly supportive of me. He has protected me from my ex and ex-bsf like a knight. I think he deserves his own cake from me. 😉 And I know a lot of you told me not to take it.

But I guess I am just a greedy Mr. Krabs who cares more about the money rather than being classy hehe. But this is the last time I will be taking any orders from them. I know they have a 3 yr old daughter whose birthday will be in 2 months. I think they might try to hire me again. I will not take it if that happens.

P. S. Yes my ex-bsf did try to communicate with me during the party but I managed to avoid it thanks to Josh and my ex-FIL. My ex-FIL knows about my situation and my discomfort with my ex-bsf. He kept me busy with small talk.