"My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party."

He's a software developer and there was a party at a restaurant to celebrate the completion of a project. I had to work (911 operator) so I wasn't there. I found out when people started telling me how sorry they were. I had no idea what they meant until someone told me to check the social media. There are pictures where he is in the background kissing and otherwise all over a woman.

Some with her hand down his pants. Not just a single picture but many of them. It is all over the start up's and his colleague's social media showing how close they got. My husband was trying to damage control but when I told him I knew he said he slept with the waitress.

I'm humiliated because everyone knows and I'm terrified that our 17 year-old will see them. My husband wants to go to counseling and stay together but I don't think I can do that. My worst fear is my daughter finding out.

Commenters shared their thoughts and advice:

Blade_982 said:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your husband has some audacity wanting to reconcile when he couldn't even be bothered to be discreet. Cheating is never right but it's amazing that he spared no thought for what he was doing and where he was doing it. I would be surprised if this was his first transgression.

"My worst fear is my daughter finding out." Her being blindsided and finding out from someone else will be worse than finding out from you.

ProfessionalNo9572 said:

He wants to save the marriage because he doesn’t want an expensive divorce now that there is plenty of evidence against him. He’s only sorry he got caught. This wasn’t his first time. Pretend you want to work things out, start digging, get more evidence. Get a good lawyer. Good luck.

And sanslumiere said:

He cheated on you in front of all of his colleagues, so we know already he's unfaithful and not that bright. Burn it to the ground. I don't think infidelity should be an automatic marriage ender depending on the circumstances, but he publicly humiliated you and your marriage. I don't think there's any coming back from that. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

And Mountain_Monitor_262 said:

Save all the evidence. Your 17 year old will find anyways. Either you or husband tell her when you divorce or she finds out in a more devastating way and tormented by not knowing who to talk about it. There’s no need for couple counseling. It was a behavior that he wanted to do and only regrets being caught. Your child may need counseling though. Humiliate him in court and with the rest of his family.

Two months later, she shared this update:

Background: My husband had a work dinner at a local restaurant. He cheated on me with a waitress there. I found out because he was in the background of several photos on his work and his colleague's social media making out with her and people told me about it. My husband admitted he slept with her.

The dinner was at 5:30 in the afternoon and he was sober. We have been married for 19 years and have a 17 year old daughter. She is at university right now, in another province.

Update: I had decided to divorce him but he tried to convince me to get to go to marriage counselling. I thought this was the only time he cheated but he told me has had a few other one night stands during our marriage. He could not tell me an exact number. That solidified my decision.

Since our house was an inherentance before we met it is not countered as martial property. I'm living with my cousin because she needed a roommate and it's a better deal than having a smaller apartment or living with strangers as roommates. My lawyer said I could apply for divorce based on adultery but it would take over a year to get to court anyways so I applied for a no fault based on a separation for a year.

That will be easier to prove, and since we only have one asset (a savings account) and there is no child or spousal support or anything else to divide a no fault is simpler. My lawyer said a fault one for adultery would make no difference in the division of the savings account anyways.

My daughter is at university 5700 km away and wasn't scheduled to come home until Christmas because of the distance. If I could've told her in person I would. I told her over Skype. Not all the details just that her father and I are divorcing because he was unfaithful. I didn't go into the details of the work party or his other admission. Part of me is glad she is so far away because she won't be caught in the middle.

She's turning 18 next month and her university tuition is covered by a scholarship. But she won't be here to get caught in the middle. Overall I'm doing well. I have good days and bad ones. But at least I found out this time. Better than not knowing what he was doing...... Anyway, that is my update.