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'I'm dating the guy who used to be married to my ex's affair partner.' UPDATED

'I'm dating the guy who used to be married to my ex's affair partner.' UPDATED


"I am going on a date after 5 years"

I (35F) am going on a first date after 5 years. I am not a prude or anything. Before this, I used to be married. My ex and I have been married for 7 years. It ended because he cheated on me with a colleague of his. I only found out because that colleague's husband, Sam (37M) told me the truth. Sam had a suspicion that his wife was having an affair. So he hired a PI and looked me up.

He gave me the evidence of my husband cheating. I was devastated to say the least. I sacrifised a lot for this man. I moved out of town because of his job. He said he wasn't ready to have kids, I was ok with it even though I wanted them. I didn't accept a high paying job because he said that it will cause a rift in our schedule. I was stupid.

His cheating was like a last straw for me because I had done enough for this man and all I got was dishonesty and infidelity. He wanted us to reconcile and really broke it off with AP to work on our marriage. But I denied. This was a deal breaker for me. The divorce was messy.

Sam's was messier than mine because they have a 4 year old daughter together. But he sorted it out and got full custody. It's been a year since we both been divorced. During the separation period, Sam and I talked a lot. We were going through a tough time and only we can help each other. I saw him as my friend until we both started developing feelings for each other.

I did the smart thing by telling him the truth. He also said he feels the same way about me. We both agreed we would not do anything until the divorce is finalized. After the divorce is finalized, we talked and came to a middle ground that we will not date immediately. Rather we will sort things out about our life and go to therapy.

For one year we will have minimum contact and if after a year we still feel the same we will go on a date. It's been a year now. I have been doing better than before. I went to therapy and sorted things out (mostly but there is room for improvement). Sam called me yesterday and asked me out on a date.

I don't know why I felt like a teenager. The last time I went on a date was 5 years ago with my ex-husband. I did ask him then to take me out or even asked him out on a date but he would make some excuses every time so I just gave up. I said "Yes" to Sam. I once thought that after a year he would realize that he had no true feelings for me but he does.

He remembers our promise. It feels so nice to be seen and appreciated once in my life. It is so nice to feel alive again. I spent my youth on a man who only gave me the short end of the stick. But I don't know. I am hopeful with Sam. I know I am past my window of having a child naturally. I am in my mid 30s and know that the dating world will be much more cruel to me.

But I am hopeful for the first time it will be good. I will go out tonight. I am wearing my favorite red dress that I haven't worn in years, maybe wear some makeup and do my hair. I am excited. Wish me luck.

She later shared this first update:

Well he cancelled the date because, his daughter, Anya had a high fever. I was a little sad because I was looking forward to it. I asked him if I could bring some soup for Anya. He was hesitant at first but said I could. I have met her once before. She is a good kid but sometimes can be very active and mischievous (I guess it's normal for a kid). I brought some chicken and vegetable soup.

Sam wasn't kidding when he said she had a high fever. That poor girl was shaking. Sam fed her the soup and medicine. Then we had dinner at his place. I know it's not the type of date I expected but I enjoyed it. We talked a lot about the things we did in a year. He told me something serious that he will always see Anya as his number one priority.

He loves her and he doesn't expect me to uplift the burden of motherhood if I don't want to. He knowing being a step parent can be difficult. I said that it is ok but we need to date ourselves first before making any further decision. He also promised that he will take me out to dinner next week. So, I might make an update.

Update #2: I slept with the other betrayed spouse.

I made a post here earlier. That I got cheated on by my ex-husband. He had an affair with his coworker which I came to know because the coworker's husband told me. I divorced my husband a year ago. The OBS, Sam and I developed feelings for each other and decided we would wait for a year to see if we still wanted each other. He asked me out on a date after a year and I was excited.

If you saw my last post, you would see I made an update that the date didn't happen because his daughter got sick. Well, he asked me out on a date last night again. He says I deserve a proper date that he had promised a year ago. I asked if his daughter was ok because she was sick. He told me his daughter was doing much better now.

Currently she is with his sister because they are having a cousin slumber party over there. I said ok. He took me out on a restaurant. He checked up on his daughter few times to make sure she is ok. I love seeing him being a caring father. But he put too much attention towards me also. He complimented me and I blushed. It felt really good to be seen again. My ex stopped doing that a long time ago.

He said I was beautiful and he has been dreaming about this date for a year. I did too. We talked about our lives. Our childhood, our school. We also talked a little bit about our exes but mostly it was just us discussing what we did in this past year. I don't know what was happening. I felt this huge flush in me whenever he would lean forward to whisper something into my ears.

I felt like a teenager again. We decided that we would take things slow. But I was really tipsy and so was he. I initiated a kiss between us. He kissed me back too. Then he took me to his apartment and we started making out again on his couch. He suggests that we should take it to the bedroom because it was more comfortable. From that moment, we took each other's clothes off and yes we slept together.

I can't tell you how mind blowing it was. Maybe because I haven't slept with anyone in the past 5 years. My ex and I did it but it just felt really robotic. But with Sam it was different. It was more intimate and passionate. He would praise me in between by saying that he loves my body and he has been waiting for this ever since he saw me. That it is way better than he had imagined it would be. I would agree.

After learning my ex cheated on me I had some self esteem issues. I thought that he just god bored with me because I wasn't good enough. But after being with Sam, it gave me a boost of confidence. I know we aren't supposed to hook up on the first date. But I don't know what came on to me. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it's because we had so much pent up emotions over the last one year.

Maybe it's both. In the morning we talked about it that we still wanted take things slow. That we should get to know each other and build a trust first. But we do not regret what happened last night. I asked him about what he meant that he waited for me since the moment he saw me. He was a little embarrassed and said that he was already checked out of his marriage when he discovered his wife's affair.

He just didn't feel that love anymore. When he saw me at the restaurant, he said he fell for me. That I gave him a little hope but he was still unsure because he was already in a roller coaster of emotions. He decided to wait because it is silly to make a move based on his infatuation. Plus he didn't know if I felt the same way. At last, we decided we would take it slow.

He said that he doesn't want to officially introduce me to his daughter because he needs to be sure this is going somewhere and hopes it is in the positive direction. What can I say? I was really flattered. Idk if we will last or not but I am really hopeful for future. Sorry for making this into my personal diary.

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