Man catches neighbor cheating on pregnant wife, asks if he should tell her. UPDATE 2X
"My neighbor is cheating."
ComicDuhComic
I feel like sh*t about this. I was eating lunch with a friend when I saw my neighbor kissing someone. His wife is very pregnant and brunette. The woman he was all over was neither of these things. I mean, if this was an 80's movie, there would've been saxophone music playing at how hard they were making out.
I know his name after I fixed their thermostat back in December. (He approached me to see if i knew how to fix it)I never caught her name. I (without digging too deep) know that he is cheating. There is no open relationship, and she is pregnant. I saw their wedding picture when I was in their place.
I have now seen him with this other woman on two occasions. The second time was her dropping him off at his place. (Could be a coworker) I don't feel like I know either of them well enough to say something. I can not stand cheaters, but is it my place? I hate this guy I barely know. He f*cking sucks.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
Wheels9690
Those telling you to go directly to the wife have never been involved In a situation like this that goes south. If you're going to get involved, you do it anonymously so it can in no way come back on you. Cause for all you know the husband might come after you for exposing him.
The wife might get mad at you for "ruining her life" by showing her. They may have some kind of arrangement where he can go fool around with her permission and they both get mad at you. You never know what can go on. Do it anonymously no matter what. You do not want to be caught in the potential blast radius of that shit if it blows up.
PricklyPix
If you take a picture or video, it might clearly come from the direction of ops house. So be careful of that if you try to be anonymous. A letter might be the best option.
throwaway274729273
If I were the girl, I’d want to know.
QuiGonGetThisBread
Be careful, you don’t know what type of person he is. The leading cause of death in pregnant women is homicide via domestic violence. He could react very badly to being caught out by a stranger, so just try to be wise with your next move.
If you do tell her, let her know of that danger, even if you aren’t sure what he’s like. He could just be a creep, but somehow I doubt it. Tell her to simply leave without saying anything if she has family or friends near by, and to plan a divorce without telling him. Her exit plan should be a secret.
The OP responded here:
ComicDuhComic
I guess this is my real worry. I can't reveal some aspects of the situation because it will reveal my anonymity or theirs. Like I said in the original post, I know he's cheating after my friend did some digging. She's under 5 feet tall easily, and her safety is my worry.
I'm bigger than him, but he's obviously much bigger than her. I grew up around abuse and had to get help, find healthy male role models, etc, to have healthy relationships. The whole situation is really testing my growth as a human.
A month later, the OP responded with an update.
"My neighbor is cheating update"
ComicDuhComic
I posted about my neighbor cheating on his pregnant wife a while back. I said I would wait until she gave birth in order to not add to a stressful situation, if I was going to say anything at all. I saw them bringing in their twins from the hospital about two weeks ago. They looked very happy and I decided to say hello.
I said my brother had twins with his ex wife. I then turned to the cheating guy and said, "They needed a lot of help right after they were born. Do you have someone helping you?" He said "We actually moved out here for work and don't have any close family or friends near by." He said they had family was traveling out to help.
I walked away thinking, "who is the woman I've seen you making out with numerous times?" Well I found out last night. It's his boss. She was dropping off a gift for the new babies when I happened to be coming home. It was a short elevator ride, that felt like an hour.
I'll admit I took a little longer opening my door to go in. I was glued to the body language difference. She gave him a hug that you would give if someone you've never hugged before went for a hug. Handed them the bag and never went in. So yep, he's cheating with a coworker. He is sh*t.
The safety issue has weighed on me. If I were to leave an anonymous note, she might get hurt or worse when confronting him. I don't know them well enough to know how either on of them would react. Hell, I don't know how some of my close friends would react to a note like that.
If I were to leave a thumb drive with photos/video, the safety issue is still there. He couldn't explain it away easily, but two infants and a woman much smaller than him might have something bad happen to them as a result.
I've thought about the boss/other woman. What if I let her know that someone knows? She seemed to care enough not to jump his bones in front of his wife. Would someone who is sh*tty enough to cheat with a married man back off at something like that? Would them stopping be enough, or should the wife know regardless if it is still happening?
Before you say it, I know I should "mind my own business." But, I feel like we should all look out for each other. I wish more people felt that way too.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this first update from the OP:
Waste_Ad_6467
If family is traveling out for help can you wait until they get there and then do it? I hear what you’re saying about safety so someone would then be there as a precaution. She will also need someone there for the support especially if they moved for his job and she has no one. She probably already feels isolated.
If it was me, I would want to know but very much appreciate your concern and dilemma. I feel so bad for her. What a POS he is and the chick is right there with him. Anyone who has no problem delivering a gift to the family of their AP, would not be scared if you contacted them.
They don’t have a conscience or guilt if they can do that. She probably enjoyed doing it. I’d be more inclined to send a copy of everything directly to their HR team. If she’s his boss, I’m guessing she’s violating the company’s code of conduct.
Littlelady617
Would you want to know? I sure would. Cheating is a deal breaker for me and she may feel the same. She has the right to know.
Kwikdraw55
He sees his AP every day at work. So I assume they cheat there as well. And he brought her into his house around his wife and kids. They’re practically laughing in his wife’s face. Tell her. Show her the evidence.
It will suck for her because she just had the babies, but she needs to know. For her health’s sake as well. Who knows if they’re using protection or not. And the longer it goes on the worse it is for her. I would want to know.
Cutewitch_
He probably feels like since they moved and his wife has no one plus two kids, he can effectively do whatever he wants because she “needs” him and is trapped. I’d want to know. Pregnancy and new motherhood is the most vulnerable time for a woman. Her husband is a terrible person for cheating at this point in time. It will ruin her life temporarily. But that’s not your fault.
The OP responded in the comments:
ComicDuhComic
Thanks for the advice, everyone. I'm going to find a way to tell her. It's the right thing to do.
Two months later, the OP returned to let people following the story know what action he decided to take.
"My neighbor is cheating update 2"
ComicDuhComic
I kept my anonymity, so this will be hard to go into deep detail. I found out for a fact he was cheating on his pregnant wife with a coworker. I wanted to punch him in the jaw whenever I walked past him. I'm glad I didn't. I collected pictures of him and his boss making out, both at dinner and dropping him off. Once her family was around to help with their newborn kids. I wrote out a note.
The note went like this:
"I hope I am way off and (your sister's) safety is far more important than anything else. On this thumb drive there is video and pictures of (your brother in law) cheating on your sister with his boss. I hope I am not exposing you to a lifestyle that all three are consenting too. I strongly think that is not the case.
I would reveal my identity if I told you why. If that is the case, I'm not judging, disregard and have a laugh at me. I noticed the affair several months ago. I wanted to wait until the twins were born and family could keep her safe. I'm so sorry that the news is coming to you this way. I wish I could do more, but I feel like doing this is stretching beyond my limits."
I left it in an envelope on their rental car, which was making my stomach feel like it was in my throat while I did it. I waited, and I waited, and I waited.
Then I noticed a U-Haul being loaded up with boxes. I asked if someone was moving in. The guy turned out to be the wife's brother and they were moving her back to her parents' so they could help with the twins. I knew the real reason and I felt a weight lifted off of my chest.
Yet there is still doubt that I shouldn't have gotten involved at all. The brother told me the husband was staying because of his work. So I still have to live right by this sh*t. I feel overall mixed about it. I keep second guessing myself, thinking I should have done it different, sooner, or at all.
I truly hope that I did the right thing. So few people know that I did this. Well, except for those of you who read this and helped me realize it was what I needed to do. Thank You, but my dislike for this guy has only become worse, f*ck em'. I hope I never have to interact with him again.
Here were the top rated comments after this latest update from the OP:
Kwikdraw55
You definitely did the right thing. And even though it must have been hard to wait to tell her and know that her husband was cheating the entire time, that was also the right decision. This poor woman. It’s still an awful thing to have happen to you, especially after just having twins. But I bet having her family there helped her a lot.
biancasokay
I think OP did the very best thing he could here. It's a no win situation and he was careful and chose the seemingly best route? In a way I feel like he should have brought it up sooner, though the safety of all parties was definitely the priority there.
LadyAshGray
I got pretty frustrarted with this OP about his hesitant approach. But I'm just impatient. He did the right thing to wait for her to give birth and for her family to be there. I only wish he sent a similar letter and evidence to the job and get the boss and the cheating husband fired. But OP did his duty as a decent person, his job is done.
thatkoets
Want up date about the POS after wife and kids gone… does boss move in? Does he leave to follow wife … update pls!
stinstin555
Right. Like we are invested!!! OP did the right thing. I always think if you see something say something. Just evaluate the situation and figure out the best way to do so. Many moons ago I was in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. I lived in NY and he lived in Louisiana. My friends had met him and my business partner knew him.
Well early one morning my business partner shows up with coffee and doughnuts. She is not a morning person so after I grabbed a cup of Joe I asked her what was up. She took out her pager and told me to read it.
It was a text from him and it said, I don’t know how to tell STINSTIN this but I am getting married next weekend. Tell her I am sorry. I cried for days. I had been a side chick for over a year and had no idea.
I have zero respect for cheaters. It is a choice. Ran into him a few years later and found out he was divorced. He wanted to get together and wanted to exchange number. I showed him my ring finger with my wedding set and said nah I am happily married. Cheaters suck.