Man fears his affair partner's husband will tell his wife. UPDATE: Things take an unexpected turn.

"Calm before the storm."

Tried posting a few days ago but could not find post. Must be lost in cyberspace. Don´t even know if this is the right forum at the moment. In gist: Affair partner got served divorce papers out of nowhere two days ago at work. Her husband knows of us/me. It´s only a matter of time before my wife finds out. Don´t know if i have days or hours before the world as i know it is gone.

Took some time off work to spend time with my wife and two daughers. My body is in turmoil but strangly my mind is clear. It reminds me of the days leading up to my dad passing away. Time has slowed down and I am aware of all the things surrounding me. It´s a nice feeling. My day today was filled with observation of details and appreciation.

My wifes smell and the clothes she wore, my daughters laughter, the color of the kitchen tiles, the dog, the yard. Feel blessed to have a healthy and beautiful family. What will my daughters think of me?

I look at my wife that i love with all my heart and I see a woman who stood by me no matter what. We had our fair share of ups and downs like most couples but i never imagined a life without her. How do I justify a six year affair? Is that even forgivable?

I don´t know what the future holds. All i know is that the storm is coming and i am here basking in the sun until the clouds come rolling in. I plan to confess over the weekend. Even if I know the outcome I pray she does not leave me. This was so not worth it.

Any suggestions on how to confess? How do you start? W What do i tell my daughters? I have already made an appointment with a therapist. What else can I do? Wish me luck!

This is what top commenters had to say:

Lady_Godiva73 said:

For someone who claims they love their wife and cant imagine life without her, I can understand a fling... but 6 years?!?!? That's premeditated. That's not a mistake that just happened. She will be crushed. Good luck to you!!!

[deleted] said:

1.) Don't confess. You don't know for sure she's going to find out.

2.) It hurts my heart in the worst way to see you say that you were with your AP for 6 years and in the same breath say "This was so not worth it." Jfc.

throwawaystuckinpast said:

You have a lot to sort through, but you are taking the right direction to line up some IC for yourself. Be ready to move out (if you are kicked out) after the “storm”. 6 years is a long affair by any measure. If it wasn’t worth it, what was AP to you? Someone you could also toy around with along with your wife?

(For the record, this is the classic definition of throwing someone under the bus to save yourself. Maybe start by owning up to what you’ve done?)

If you think the AP’s BS will reach out to your wife and tell her everything he discovered, I would suggest you start telling the truth. I am not a BS but it seems that trickle truthing hurts way more, over time. Whether your long term affair is forgiveable or not is no longer in your control.

Natural-Tear-2899 said:

Everyone's being judgemental af because it hurts them to think an AP is all they are to someone. It hurts hearing the family is more important, it hurts hearing he doesn't love her or want her anymore. But wake up, this is the reality & what it usually comes down to. I say fess up. Tell wifey everything & take some responsibility. After 6 years at leasttt that weight will be off your chest. You made your bed OP 🤷🏽‍♀️

Response from OP:

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. Some of them were hard to read. I dont have time to address all comments but will reply to few to clear some things. Yesterday I reached out to my brother for advice. He left his wife some years ago and married his affair partner. He seemed happy with her.

The grass is not greener for him after all and he is planning on leaving her but is stuck at the moment. His advice is to not tell my wife and to minimize if confronted. He also said I should let down AP gently so she does not go nuclear on my wife and family. I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

Five months later, he shared this update:

I was prepared for all scenarios but not this one. The doom day did not come in the shape I was expecting. AP ended up convinced her STBEX not to spill the beans to my wife in exchange for a smooth divorce. I thought I was in the clear.

Yesterday AP sent me a blurry photo of my wife in the car with another man. She claimed they walked hand in hand to his car from a store in a nearby town to ours. She got a shot of the plates too. After some digging I now know she is having an affair. Don´t know how long for sure but at least 6 months.

He is a single dad our age and is telling her to leave the marriage. She is telling him she loves him. Afraid to confront her. Feel numb at the moment. Took a day off work. Any advice? I love her and want to stay married.

EDIT: Any advice on how to proceed? Should I just let it run it course and monitor? Should I confront and hope for the best? Should I confess to my affair and hope we all can come clean and make way for a new marriage? I am so fucking utterly confused! I have rehearsed the things I would say and do if she was to find out about MY affaris. I was not prepared for this sh!t!

He later shared this second update:

My marriage seems to be over. Confronted wife this past weekend. Sat her down without warning and told her I knew she was having an affair and with whom. Asked her if she loved him and what her plan was.

She was caught off guard. Went to the bathroom for ten minutes. When she came out she looked me straight in the eyes and said "I know about your affair too. I have known for some time now. I love him and want a divorce".

Next days were a blure. I tried to talk to her but she shuts me down. She has moved into the spare bedroom and is making appointments with law firms. Has told our two girls. I have signed up for emergency therapy. Am on meds for dealing with anxiety and lack of sleep.

This is surreal. Heard her talk to him last night and cut the internet cord. Kind of crazy cause I need fucking internet for work and she just switched to her phone. Ahh man! So many emotions are running through me.

I made love to her past week and today she is a total stranger. How does this happend? How can she not feel ANY emotion? Over 20 years GONE. All the love, friendship, partnership, intimacy, jokes, memories, plans for our future GONE. JUST LIKE THAT. NO LOOKING BACK.

Feel so blindsided and the only person I can talk to is my brother who lives across the country. Sorry to vent here to you fine people on here. Just need to get this out.