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'My BF left me for my BFF after a surprise bday party. Then karma stepped in.' UPDATED

'My BF left me for my BFF after a surprise bday party. Then karma stepped in.' UPDATED

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"Boyfriend dumped me to be with my female best friend, after a surprise birthday party that I wasn't invited to. Best friend says she 'won' him. Karma steps in."

Sorry if this is long but want to detail accurately. I just went through a break up and my ex is now with his best friend. I had always had reservations with their friendship. She was always overly flirty with him and would “stake” her claim on him through passive aggressive comments.

I brought it up once in a cool like manner and he just said that’s “how she is with everyone.” I let it slide for about a year because I didn’t want to come off as insecure. Most men don’t pick up on how women can be passive aggressive towards each other so I figured I’d take the high road and ignore her. He also never gave me a reason to even think that he thought of her like that.

However, she threw him a surprise birthday party (a week before his actual birthday) and did not tell me or invite me. He was confused as to why I wasn’t there and she told him that I did not like his friends and refused to attend. He called me while he was there and drunkenly expressed how sad he was about my “behavior.”

I could hear his BF in the back basically cackling and yelling at him to not give me any more attention and that I was a horrible girlfriend. The next day I tried calling him but got straight to voicemail. My texts went straight to green also so I was sure he blocked me.

Luckily, I am close friends with his sister, who, coincidentally was also not invited to the surprise party (the BF doesn’t like his sister). His sister told my boyfriend everything from my point. But his best friend swears she invited me and sent me and his sister the paperless post and it must’ve just been an accident/mishap.

After that day he started acting really distant towards me. I asked him if anything was going on with his best friend. He said no. He loved me and understood that the whole party thing was an accident. I tried to remain calm and told him that I don’t like the idea of his friends thinking I dislike them and even said maybe I should reach out to her and we could grab coffee.

He was all for it, but she never texted me back. I made sure not to say anything negative about his best friend and ultimately told him, “I agree, it must’ve been an accident.” Which I didn’t think at all.

2 weeks later, he’s still distant during that time, he sits me down and says it’s over, after 2 years. I was calm but asked what triggered this and asked if his best friend had anything to do with the break up.

He said that yes she did but he promised nothing physical happened with them while we were dating, but that he had developed feelings. He said that it, “just happened” They’ve been friends for over 10 years. So why didn’t they date before? He said he never thought of her romantically until a few weeks ago.

Afterwards, she made it very public that she “won” and that I’m a “loser” and thank god their friends group doesn’t have to deal my toxic behavior anymore. Which I don’t even care about. She’s lesser than me and it’s very clear by her actions.

I actually bumped into a couple of his friends at the bar a few weeks after we broke up (MF couple) and they mentioned how they and several of their other friends were bummed that we broke up because they thought I was fun and sweet and loved having me around. It definitely wasn’t a conversation with nice pleasantries, I could tell they were genuine.

I just don’t understand how feelings change in such a short amount of time since they’ve been friends for 10 years. One week after we broke up, he’s dating his best friend and they’re “completely in love.”

I’m very hurt but just trying to see it from another point of view since my ex won’t really explain it to me or go into detail on how he “all of a sudden” fell in love. In my opinion, falling in love isn’t so easy, you have to continually interact emotionally & romantically with another person to get there.. which in my mind is a form of cheating.

He was just so nice and proper during the relationship as well as during the break up. It was completely respectful, as much as it could be. I just don’t understand? How do these things happen? I have guy friends that I would never think to date, or more so, speak to in a romantic sense wherein it’s a possibility to fall in love. Thoughts?

I genuinely do think that his feelings changed and he wanted to explore another relationship and that he was really contemplating it for a couple of weeks before making a decision. Not sure what the antithesis was but it obviously happened at this surprise party I wasn’t invited to.

I don’t really wanna hear the whole “he’s an a$$hole, you’re better off without him” comments. We’re broken up and done with and I’m moving on. Just trying to figure out if other people have been in the same situation and how this happens.

TLDR: Boyfriend dumped me for best friend after surprise birthday party.

This is what top commenters had to say:

sais:

He cheated on you with her on tht birthday party and has been avoiding you. It happened because he felt flattered by her attention. Don't think he didn't notice, he noticed and didn't care how it affected you.

Now she 'won' him, the chase is over and she'll get sick of him. I give it 1.5y max. And it'll end with her cheating on him because she likes the thrill. Probably with another 'taken' man. So just buy yourself some popcorn and wait until his sister calls you and tells you 'giiirl, you want to know something juicy'. 😂😂😂

Agirlnamedsue2 said:

I think it happens because he was open to it happening. If a friend of mine threw mw a surprise party and my husband wasn't there, I wouldn't think "Oh wow ya he must rly hate my friends. That a$$hole." I'd call him immediately and ask HIS side of things. He made it clear that he trusted her more than you, and for that reason, your relationship with him wasn't going to win out.

I won't bother with asshole comments and whatever, because you know all that stuff. You're just dealing with it now. But his gf is sneaky. She got her man, but look how she did it. That's not a start based on mutual respect, kindness and appreciation. She tricked him into it. He allowed himself to want to be tricked.

said:

That's just how life happens sometimes, there is not a lot of rhyme or reason to love. The surprise party in his mind probably flipped a switch for him, and she got more aggressive in pursuing him. 2 years together is a good amount of time, but honestly it's not the longest relationship, things can definitely still change.

You missed some good red flags in the very beginning with her behavior honestly. You also should've been more strong in your reaction to this surprise party, I would've flipped a goddamn sh!t if that happened.

said:

She played the long game, & aggressively, while you were passive. You didn't set up boundaries. I would've shown up to that surprise party. I'm sure you could've found out where it was.

I'm sure she was talking sh!t about you all night. And he really liked the attention & effort to put in to throw him this big surprise party. He started looking at her differently at that party. Possibly hooked up there. That's when the switch flipped for him but you kinda know that already. I'm sorry, they're both grimy.

And said:

You are correct that his feelings changed and he wanted to explore another relationship and that he was really contemplating it for at least a couple of weeks prior to breaking up with you. I’m sorry that this happened to you.

Commenters overwhelmingly agree that OP should completely cut ties with her BF and her "best friend."

She later followed up with this update:

So I received a text from a random number. It was my ex - I blocked his normal number. He basically outlined how he missed me and had ended things with his best friend. He asked to grab coffee and talk it out and hopefully reconcile.

He said, “I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you and I’ve realized that you’re the one for me. I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened in the last month. You deserve better, but I’m hoping we can meet up and discuss and move past it.”

WOW. A whole 3 weeks? I’m genuinely still curious as to why he ended our 2 year relationship for this girl.. I knew she was trouble.. knew it wouldn’t last... but didn’t think it would be a measly 3 weeks. I’m fuming. He’s essentially asking to get back together after sleeping with his best friend and now he has clarity over the situation and figured out that she’s not what he wanted.

I still think he’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever met and fell victim to another girl’s manipulation but screw him. He’s 31 years old.... do better! And just a PSA to anyone out there who would contemplate this type of behavior... don’t.

TDRL: Update: my ex came crawling back after he dumped me for his best friend.

EDIT: I know it seems weird to say this is the “nicest person ever.” What I meant is.. he’s a good person and he massively screwed up. I know he regrets it.. as he should... but I wouldn’t label him as a cheater or someone who played with my feelings. He got feelings for another girl, contemplated what to do, made a decision, broke up with me and perused it.. then figured out it was the wrong decision.

Him and I can’t get back together because I will never trust him again. He made a decision to leave our relationship, it didn’t work out for him with this other girl but I can’t trust that it wouldn’t happen again. Simple as that. But I do think he went with his feelings and wasn’t trying to deceive me or go around my back to cheat. That’s all.

EDIT 2: No we didn’t get coffee, I told him to eff off and blocked the new number.

Sources: Reddit
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