'My husband has been spending time with his female coworker outside of work.' UPDATED

"My (29F) husband (30M) has been going out with his co-worker (23F) lately."

We’ve been together for 8 years and married for over a year now. He’s been working in this company after he graduated from college. I’ve never heard him talked about any of his co-workers cause he’s not really that kind of guy who tried so hard to make a connection with other people.

He’s very introvert and likes to be in his bubble. Sadly, he’s just the type of guy that easy to approach and talked with. He doesn’t know that but I’ve been with him for 8 years. He’s very calm, funny and quirky.

These past few months my husband has been mentioning this ‘poor girl’ I remembered a lot of B.S. happened to her this year that’s why my husband is trying to uplift her. My husband does not usually do that. He doesn’t usually give a damn about anyone.

He asked me if I’m cool if he’ll bring this girl to a bar and I asked if I could come along he said that he doesn’t really want to stir up awkwardness between me and her especially he’s trying to comfort her after she had this recent break up. He showed me her picture. She’s really obviously young and very pretty.

I’ve read their conversations and it hurts sometimes that my husband always initiate the conversation. They have been going out every Saturday. I told him I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with this friendship. He said that there’s nothing to worry about that he’s just helping her out. It’s like a female-female friendship. I don’t know what he’s trying to point out but everything between them two scares the sh!t out of me.

My husband still let me read their conversation from time to time, it hurts me that he respond to her faster more than me. I hate how he kept apologizing whenever this girl left her on read it’s like I’m reading how my husband begged this girl to give him some of her attention and time and I can’t take it anymore.

I don’t know how I would approached him cause it always ended up that I’m feeling this for nothing that there’s nothing to worry about. I told him that I want to meet her and he said, for what reason? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even think she knew that my husband is married.

What do you think? Does she have cause for concern? What should she do?

This is what top commenters had to say:

irishkathy said:

No woman I know would go out weekly with a married man and not understand exactly what is happening. Put your foot down. Saturday you go with him or he takes YOU on a date (not his 23 year old "friend") This is nonsense. He is cheating- if not physically- emotionally - and he is trying to get away with it in plain sight. Not ok!

MadTownMich said:

Not ok. If he still won’t introduce her to you, he’s having an affair or wants to. Going out with her instead of you once is one thing. Multiple times on Saturday nights? You need to tell him to break it off now. Full stop.

Dry_Ask5493 said:

He is 100% full of sh!t that it’s a platonic friendship. He is cheating on you.

Nyctanolis said:

The way he started this to clearly blur a boundary and get you to be on board with what he's up to is straight up wrong. You know this isn't right, you just don't know how far it's gone. You have a very uncomfortable conversation to have with him and a very difficult decision to make afterward, if I had to guess. He needs to admit this isn't ok and cut her out. Something tells me he won't be willing to do that.

biteme717 said:

He's lying to you and preventing you from meeting her, he's emotionally cheating and probably physically. Call him out and flat out tell him or wait for him to meet up with her and show up. Tell him that HE stops any and all communication or your done.

And Every_Jump_3603 said:

He wants to cheat or he already is. He’s trying to cheer her up over a break up? Pretty sure she has friends that can do that and he refuses to introduce you because of awkwardness lol. Add to the fact that you said he normally doesn’t give af about people, but now he cares about an attractive 23 year old woman.

Commenters agreed: this guy is up to no good. Everyone encouraged OP to GTFO.

She later shared this update:

After this post I approached my husband that I want him to stop seeing this girl every Saturday unless he would bring me along. He told me that I’m not making any sense that he could just bring me and why I’m making this a big deal. I asked him if this girl knew he’s married and based on his reaction I knew that she doesn’t know his married. He said that why would he brush the fact his married on her face.

I called him names and he got so upset. I took his phone and go through every single app, he has been messaging her from time to time. I’ve found out he gave her a very expensive gift that worth almost $1k I was hella pissed about it. (We had joint and personal account). A lot of things happened after this post that my brain couldn’t process everything.

I’ve threatened him that I will tell this girl I’m his wife and she’s being a home wrecker. He said he will never forgive me if he ruined this one and only friendship he had. I told him that he doesn’t make any sense that he’s being disrespectful to our relationship. He said that he doesn’t feel the love ever since we got married. He never been this happy, excited and contented with anyone.

I ended up messaging the girl she said that she doesn’t know that he’s married and very apologetic about it. He was so mad and left the house. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been calling his phone but he’s not picking up. I message the girl if she’s with him. She said that he’s not there.

That she just got into a break up and a lot of things happened to her she doesn’t want to be involved anymore. She was so sorry if she could have known he’s married she won’t even bother going out with him. I’ve found out she just started working there three months ago. I have so many questions in my mind.

She later shared this second update:

I haven’t told any of my family and friends about this. I felt embarrassed, very ugly and pathetic right now. The last thing I want to see on their face is the pity face. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.

My husband went back around 3am and we talked about it. He said he could no longer sees me in his future ever since we got married. The reason why he has been working a lot was he does not want me to be around.

I asked him why did he wait cause we’ve been married for a year. He thought his feelings will come eventually that it’s just a phase and there’s no way his love for me will be gone overnight but every day feels just worse for him. He doesn’t want me anymore that he think it’s totally over and we could even be friends. He said that throughout our marriage life he moved on.

I felt the ultimate betrayal. I told him that we could go for couple counselling and work it out. He cried that he doesn’t want to be stuck anymore. It’s not about his co worker anymore it’s about what he felt in our relationship. He cried and ask for divorce while I’m crying and begging him not to. I’m so confuse and I don’t know what to do. I felt like I was a good partner.

I asked him about his co worker if they ever hook up. He said that he genuinely cares and likes her, he’s getting to know her more bullshit but he thinks she doesn’t see him that way. Nothing happened between them. I asked him about the money he spent on her he said that he bought her a Christmas gift.

I am so much in pain that I felt numb that I couldn’t believe this is happening to me. And I think this would be my last update. I guess I’ll be welcoming 2023 as a divorced woman.