'My GF cheated and our baby isn't mine. My mom knew and didn't tell me.' + UPDATE
"My mom knew baby wasn’t mine but kept her mouth shut."
I’m (26m) still so angry about this even though it happened almost over a month ago. My ex girlfriend (27f) who I’ve been with since highschool cheated on me. Supposedly she couldn’t handle the guilt anymore and told me there’s a good chance the 10 month old baby boy I thought was ours might be from some other guy. As it turns out I’m not the father. I’m super pissed off and hurt.
And feel like a moron more than anything. We’re obviously done. I told her I never wanna see her again, I’ve moved out of our apartment and living with my friend now. Working on getting me removed from the birth certificate with an attorney so I can officially be done with them.
I guess everyone’s deciding to confess their sins to me because now my mom is admitting that she knew the baby wasn’t mine and she’s sorry for not say anything. She knew since my ex was PREGNANT that the baby might not be mine. My ex called her up crying and confessed to everything when she first found out she was pregnant cause she was scared that I might figure out I’m not the father.
Cheating ex is one thing but seriously, my MOM??? Feel more betrayed that she of all people would hide this from me. The one person you’re supposed to trust and who’s first instinct is to protect you. I can’t believe it. My mom keeps saying she’s sorry. She never told me cause she hoped the baby was mine and didn’t want me to get hurt.
A whole mess, 10 months of taking care of a baby I thought was mine and she thinks this was the better outcome than I do know…getting a paternity test after birth so that I didn’t waste all this time. At least my dad and my older brother are pissed off about what she did too. But everybody else won’t leave me alone about how I’m being with my mom.
They all think I’m punishing her too hard for this and she thought she was helping me at the time. That I need to forgive. But idk if I can do that. Tbh I don’t know what I should do about my mom. She always been there for me but these feel like something I can’t come back from. Any advice?
What do you think he should do? This is what top commenters had to say:
RIPGhislaine said:
Jesus Christ man. The legal issues she’s created for you alone is enough reason to never speak to her again. Your name shouldn’t have ever been on that birth certificate.
I’m sure you’re going through tons of emotions and trying to work out personal things, but you need to put 100% of your energy into getting your name off that certificate; otherwise this can be a LONG term problem. I’m sorry. This is totally messed up. Wish you the best man.
ApprehensiveHalf8613 said:
I don’t have advice just here to tell you I’m really sorry and you never deserved any of it.
Compassion-1st said:
She’s so desperate for a grand child. She hurt her own.
And heyuiuitsme said:
Is this the only time she's deceived you doing what she thought was best or is this a pattern. Does your mother have a pattern of manipulation and gaslighting. It's not easy to cut off your own mom, but if this is what she thinks is appropriate behavior, then maybe you have no other choice
A few weeks later, he shared this UPDATE:
It’s been a long couple weeks ngl but it feels like a lot of time has gone by with everything that’s happened. Took some time to get the anger out of me. Broke some stuff, went on a solo trip to clear my head and feel like it accepted my reality. The support I’ve gotten here helped so much, it feels good to just be heard you know? Once I was back I had a long conversation with my mom.
Everything that I needed to tell her, the fact that she choose to stand behind a cheating liar over her own son no matter what “good intentions” she thought she had, let her say whatever she needed to say to me. All this talk about wanting me and my girlfriend to be a family, for that baby to have a loving father and not wanting to hurt me. Then I told her I was done with her.
Honestly there is nothing she could do to gain back my trust that would ever make me want her back in my life and not look at her in total disgust. I said that I’m sorry but she’s dead to me, it’s better now she accepts I don’t want to see her anymore . Not with how much this has messed me up.
My mom obviously tried to fight me on this but I only said if she wants a child so bad then go ahead and call up my ex. But not gonna let either of them hurt me again. You can imagine some of the sh!t I’ve gotten from other family but the second I said I’ll cut off from them too it stopped. I’ve changed my number only my dad and a few other people know.
Crazy part is I definitely felt a lot lighter after that conversation with her. Took me a couple days to process and accept it. My dad at least is there for me, he was there to hold me when I broke down from everything . As far as the situation with my ex and refusing to go after the real father. Well that was a total sh!t show.
It took a lot to convince her to do this for me. Asking her if breaking me mentally and emotionally wasn’t enough for her, since she was gonna fight having me on the birth certificate when I just wanted to completely be free from them. Finally a couple days ago she told me who it is and she promises she’ll cooperate with removing me from the baby’s birth certificate.
I had suspected the reason she was refusing so much to say who it is was because it was probably someone we knew personally. Not anyone in my family at least and even though that’s what I suspected it still hurts. The snakes you never realize you had in your life…It takes a toll on you. So that’s another thing I’m trying to process since it’s still so fresh.
Trying to get through it though and finally heal from everything. At least legally it might not be such a hard battle. Unless she changes her mind which honestly you never know. I’m hoping she doesn’t because all I want is to be done with them and not be stuck paying for someone else’s kid for 18 years of my life.
Sorry this wasn’t such a happy update. At least I’ve learned who the real toxic people in life are and have cut them out.
Edit: Yes I already have an attorney I’m working with to get my name off the baby’s birth certificate