'I'm planning to ghost my BF after finding out he's been cheating on me.' UPDATED 3X

"Planning to ghost my BF after finding out he’s cheating on me."

Found out my boyfriend was cheating a few weeks ago. Been spiraling since. Literally only running off of vengeance and pure disgust. I got this weird gut feeling and checked his phone while he was asleep. Those 20 minutes locked in the bathroom felt like years, and the shame keeps me from talking to anyone about it. I moved across the country to be with him, so I’m all alone. No friends or family here.

He woke me up the next morning with kisses and breakfast and has been doing so a lot, lately. Probably the guilt. He even bought me flowers for the first time ever. After me hinting at wanting them for years. He thought my quiet crying was out of happiness. He even brought up buying a house for us, something with enough space for potential future children.

I’m still going through the motions. Making his breakfast and protein shake everyday, packing his lunch, making sure dinner is almost ready when he comes home from the gym.

What makes me the angriest is that I really, genuinely thought he wouldn’t do something like this. He watched his father cheat on his mother and father children out of their marriage, all while she struggled with infertility her entire life (my partner isn’t her biological son) and never had her own. She dedicated her life to the two of them and passed away of ovarian cancer shortly before we met.

Sometimes I think about whether she regretted staying with her husband or not. We have a small shrine in her honor and something makes me look at and expect guidance. I love the man she raised and hate the one her husband did. But they’re both him, and he’s a grown ass man more than capable of self control, so I decided to walk away.

Next week my car will be picked up and shipped back home, and I got first class tickets for me and my dog on his dime. He’ll come back home from work and everything I brought will be gone, along with me. The only thing I think I might regret is not somehow being able to see his reaction when he walks through the door and realizes what’s going, lol.

Commenters weighed in to offer advice and feedback:

[deleted] said:

Damn, I'm sorry you're going through this! I think your plan is the best option, he doesn't deserve to be told or to manipulate you into staying. As soon as he realizes you're gone, he'll know why. Good luck!

And Ueverthinkwhy said:

I'm sorry you are going through this pain... But your plan sounds perfect... I wish you the very best and you finding someone worthy of your love...

Digital_Glitter suggested:

Nannycam?

And OP responded:

I’m so very tempted to, especially since he’ll be alone and I’ll get one real peak at the true him. But if he breaks down enough I’ll become empathetic and may even reach out to console him. Not knowing is for the best I think

The same day, she shared this second post:

"I lied to my boyfriend everyday and saved the money he gave me"

Almost every day my boyfriend sends me money for lunch, gas, something. I thought he was just really kind. Turns out he was cheating and giving me $$ made him feel less guilty, as though he didn’t beg me to move across the country with him where I know no one.

Once I found out I wanted to immediately confront him but was scared of the outcome since the apartment was only in his name and again, I know no one here. Now I just save every dime of what he sends to be able to pay for the $3000 moving fees to go back home without hurting my own pocket too much.

Breaking my heart, destroying my ability to trust & scaring me off from men I can handle, but messing with my finances? Nah. never. The transport company is coming next wednesday to take my car, and my plane tickets for me and my dog have been bought.

Gonna keep up my happy act and do the usual cooking of dinner and scrubbing his back and poof on Wednesday like I never knew him. Its the only form of revenge I could do that wouldnt haunt me. Good riddance!

Edit: A few asked for details. There’s 7+ other women, everything he told them was a lie. Name, age, height, city, occupation. All of it. The only common denominator was that he bought us all the exact same lingerie set for his birthday in January. 🙃 And specifically requested I hang it up in our closet where it’s viewable. Forgiveness is not on the table. He’ll be surprised, but I doubt he’ll be hurt.

A day later she shared this update:

I’ll be single again pretty soon and I’m looking forward to it but also not. Like yay! I finally can cook when/how I want to and don’t have to split chores and can do everything on my own my way. But thats the only good part. I’ve been on my own since I was 16 and I’ve turned out (mostly) fine, I have a paid off house and car, cute dog, debt free, and I’m finishing up my masters degree at 25. It could be worse.

But I’m lonely. I’m not on speaking terms with my family and had a huge fall out with my lifelong friends a couple years ago. I haven’t tried making friends since bc part of me hopes one day I can find a way to fix that friendship. Plus I’m moving around so much that making friends is pointless. I’m not good at long distance anything.

I never prided myself on romantic relationships- sure, they’re cool, but a loving group of women was always where I found the most peace and understanding and that’s what I want the most. I guess I’m just going through things right now and I really wish I had people I trust to talk to. Friend breakups hurt the most.

Five days later, she shared this second update:

I found out my boyfriend of almost 4 years was cheating. We’ve lived together for 2 years and I’m leaving him tomorrow. He just doesn’t know yet. And won’t until after I’m gone.

As mad as I am, as betrayed as I feel, I still love him. All I really want is to wake up tomorrow and this all be a nightmare. I don’t enjoy this slice of reality.. that the person I loved the most has looked me in my eye and lied to me for who knows how long.

And every time I do it I’m left wondering how many times he did it. How many times did he wine, dine, and sleep with other women and come home to me? How many times have I been the stupid girlfriend who trusted her boyfriend blindly? How many times have I been some woman’s laughing stock? Did he sleep with us back to back?

Did his friends know? Did they look me in my eye and really not say anything? Did he love them? How many times did he tell me he loved me and meant it? When did he stop meaning it? Did he ever even mean it the first time?

Maybe I got cheated on because I’m emotionally inept. My intimacy levels are quite limited. The few times he asked about my childhood I either a) brushed him off or b) told him one thing I thought wasn’t that bad and he was so shocked I held out on the actually bad parts.

And that’s where the hate comes in. He knows what it’s like to grow up feeling unwanted. He knows what it’s like to lose your parents young. He knows what it’s like to feel like your entire life has been horrible event after horrible event. But he still did this to me and I don’t get how he could. I could never cheat on anyone, let alone someone who’s shared such personal things with me.

I haven’t so much as made eye contact with another man since we met… other people were just other people and we were us. I don’t know. I just don’t see being able to date again. I had deep seeded trust issues long before this and growing old by myself with 30 cats genuinely sounds nice. Hell, great even. At least I won’t always be wondering when the betrayal will come.

The next day, she shared this third update:

Transport company came and picked up my car. Sold whatever big furniture I brought for low prices. Took his dog to the park and played with him a bit, got him a dog cupcake and took him back to the apartment.

Movers started coming for the rest of my stuff and I hadn’t prepared for our property manager thinking we were both moving out and we hadn’t given them the required vacancy notice. She came to talk to me right as my uber was coming and I told her what was going.

Unfortunately they had already called him bc only his name on the lease. He’s called and texted me a few times but I haven’t replied. His work day won’t be over for a couple of more hours. I left my apartment keys, and anything he’s ever bought for me that I hadn’t sold already.

Didn’t feel like taking that stuff with me. While packing I remembered we bought a pet camera that shoots treats on the entertainment center and turned it back on. I promised myself I’ll disconnect from it by midnight tomorrow but I have my own predictions about how he’ll react and I just gotta know for sure. Yeah, it’s messed up. Sue me lol

I actually forgot to leave a note and was running out of time before my uber came and just left the lingerie set he was so obsessed with on the bed. He’ll figure it out eventually. Or not. I’m at the airport now with my dog and just waiting on my flight. I wish I could say that I feel free but I don’t. Just tired.

Thank you all for the well wishes and thank you more to all of the other women who reached out with similar stories. I think I might’ve caved and stayed if you all hadn’t.