'My roommate is going to great lengths to 'prove' that my BF is cheating. I know he isn't.'

"My (20f) friend (21f) is going to great lengths to ‘prove’ that my boyfriend (24m) is cheating even though I know he isn’t."

So I live with Emily, a person I met a couple of years ago. We became fast friends, admittedly moved in together last year out of convenience, but have stayed true to our friendship, which has definitely strengthened.

My boyfriend is Sam, someone I met about a year and a half ago. We’ve been dating for just over a year, with our relationship transitioning into an LDR about 5 months ago because Sam moved for work.

I never thought that there were any issues between Emily and Sam. In our early stages she was very gracious and seemed to know the perfect balance between socialising with Sam and giving us space. It was only when Sam moved away that she started making little comments about how ‘funny’ it would be if Sam had a side chick in his new city, or that I was actually a side chick and he’s gone home to his family.

There is no way this is true - Sam has always been honest and open, has always mentioned that he quickly shuts girls down if they try it on with him, and as for the family thing I helped him move into his small 2-room apartment, and not a family home.

I’ve always shut this down very quickly whenever Emily starts on with it, however recently she’s been taking extra steps to try and make me believe that my boyfriend is cheating on me. She told me over dinner the other day that she had proof that Sam had ‘slid into the DMs’ of one of her friends, and showed me a screenshot of Sam’s ‘secret’ Twitter account hitting on her friend about 9 months ago.

This account was not Sam’s username at all, and just in case it had been a secret account, I searched the username and it came up with a profile of a 15 year old boy also called ‘Sam’. Though I told Emily this, she was insisting that this profile was my Sam, and that he was clearly catfishing using this kid, or that he was Sam’s younger brother (Sam has no younger siblings).

Last night she sent me an SOS message saying that there was an emergency, but after rushing home to see what was happening she said that the ‘emergency’ was that Sam doesn’t have his Facebook relationship on his profile, and that it was obvious he’s trying to appear single.

The reason his relationship isn’t public is because I asked for it not to be, since I don’t believe that my relationship status is everyone’s business - we are ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook, but only privately. Yet again I explained this to Emily, and she still tried to argue that he could still be cheating, and that I was subconsciously manipulated to keep the status private by him (I really wasn’t).

I’ll clarify here that I’ve never said to Emily that I think Sam will cheat on me in his new city because I don’t, simple enough. It may have been that she was jealous or wanted him for herself but she is in a relationship of her own; her boyfriend of 2 years is over usually 2 - 3 nights a week. I’m definitely going to put her on an information diet regarding my relationship, but should I consider going further?

TL;DR - My friend and housemate is constantly trying to convince me that my boyfriend is cheating on me using flimsy evidence, is there a way of getting her to stop?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Brendonistall said:

Your friend is the worlds shittiest detective.

suspecrobot said:

She sounds a bit unstable and drama-queeny to be honest. This is a case of 'has crazy theory, tries to get the facts to fit'. It doesn't really matter what her motive is.

Tell her bluntly that you feel she's trying to ruin your relationship, and that if she doesn't stop, the friendship will be over.

[deleted] said:

First, I'd tell her that what happened last night was by no stretch of the imagination an emergency and you're going to be pissed if she tries to pull something like that again. Then you need to shut her down hard each and every time she brings this up.

As to her motivations, maybe she just wants you to break up so you can find a local boyfriend that she and her guy can be couple-friends with?

And KissedByFire2194 said:

Is there a possibility that your friend is jealous of your relationship with Sam? I encountered a nearly identical situation with my roommate/close friend last year when my boyfriend proposed. He was in the navy at the time, and on Christmas leave, stayed at our apartment and asked me to marry him. At first, my friend was quite happy for me.

But, a few weeks later, her own boyfriend randomly broke up with her. Around this time, my fiance, who was working on going sober, relapsed and got wasted one night. My friend used my fiance's relapse as an excuse to try and convince me to break up with him. She was determined to show me that, because my fiance relapsed, he was an unreliable guy who didn't deserve me.

Realistically, my friend was just bitter that her own relationship had recently ended. She wanted someone to wallow in her misery with her. I called her out on it and she backed off, which was good because quite honestly she was acting ridiculous and obsessing over MY relationship.

Nine days later, OP shared this update:

So I posted a few days ago about my housemate Emily who had made it her life’s mission to try and make me see that my long-distance boyfriend, Sam, was cheating on me.

After posting my original post I sat Emily down and told her that I would not be engaging in conversation with her about Sam at all. She tried to claim it was all in my best interests to listen to her, but did reign it in. Drama over.

… Until it all blew up. I got a very angry message yesterday from Emily’s boyfriend calling me every name under the sun, including a ‘home wrecker’. I asked him what the hell was going on, and he said that he knew all about how I’d been cheating on Sam and how I’d convinced Emily to do the same to him.

It turns out he’d found out that Emily was on Tinder and was talking to guys, and had even met up with a couple and done whatever. I had no clue she was doing this - whenever she left the house for the night, she always said she was staying at her boyfriend’s. I told him in no uncertain terms that I had not encouraged Emily to cheat on him, and I was not cheating on Sam.

He then tried to claim that Emily had told him that I was away getting with some Tinder guy on a specific evening that I wasn’t in the flat… I was celebrating Sam’s birthday with him in his city, and had the timed and dated photos to prove it, and of course Emily knew where I really was. I have no clue whether or not her boyfriend believes me, but I haven’t had any other messages from him since.

Emily was wailing my door about 10 minutes later, saying that her (ex) boyfriend had gone insane and she only cheated because he was abusive (I can’t say I saw anything, but I also can’t say this was a definite lie) and she was scared about his reaction so she said I was involved. She then said that I would understand her position if I had broken up with Sam like she wanted me to.

I’ll admit, that got my attention. I asked what she meant, and she said that she had wanted us both to be ‘free’ from our partners but she knew I wouldn’t cheat on Sam so had tried her best to convince me that he was cheating so I would leave him. She got the door slammed in her face.

Even if she did want an escape from her own ‘abusive’ relationship, her non-stop attempts to persuade me to leave my boyfriend just for her own gain is enough for me to just cut her off.

I didn’t even wait until Emily woke up this morning to put my plan to move out into action. The landlord has been contacted and is very understanding (we’re very close to the end of our tenancy anyway) so I’m breaking my lease, and I’m going to spend the night in a friend’s spare room before making my next move.

I might write her a goodbye note, but she hardly deserves it. I’ve been wondering for a while whether or not I should move to be with Sam, I think this is now going to be a big part of my decision.

Also a lot of comments in the original post were suggesting that something had happened between Sam and Emily while he was still living in this area, and she was trying to make me see that without coming clean. I didn’t reply to any comments because I know the sorts of responses I would have got to ‘I know he’s not cheated on me with Emily’, but I do know he didn’t.

He never contacted Emily privately, and was really only friendly to her because she was my housemate. Sam was just as unlikely to cheat with Emily as I was with any of his friends, family or housemates. I know some of you may still think that he could still have cheated/cheat in the future and I can’t definitively say he didn’t/won’t, but I’m not going to ruin my relationship with ‘what if’ style thoughts.

TL;DR - Housemate who was trying to prove to me that my boyfriend was cheating was actually cheating on her boyfriend and wanted me to ‘join in’ by convincing me to dump my boyfriend. Found out from her boyfriend, who had been told that I was the one telling her to cheat on him (I wasn’t). I’m moving out as quickly as my legs will let me.