'Should I let my husband tell my friend's fiancé she cheated on him?' UPDATED 2X

"Do I let my husband tell my friends fiancé she cheated?"

Here's the original post:

I’ve known my (28f) friend Erin (29f) since middle school. I’ve recently stopped enjoying her company because she has turned into a very vein person and has started copying every single thing that is unique about me (my hobbies, interests, restaurants I go to, exact workout routines, even down to my employer).

It is extremely frustrating and it feels like she is constantly trying to compete with me or fish for compliments. Pretty exhausting. Anyway, she recently told me that she cheated on her fiancé of 7 years with a coworker (slept with him 3x over a short period of time). She is honestly pretty proud of herself & told me that she has 0 remorse and doesn’t plan on ever telling her fiancé.

They plan to buy a house together early next year. Her fiancé is a great person that has always treated her well and been friendly with me. Last week I hung out with her (probably for the last time for a while) and tried to convince her again to tell her fiancé and told her that I’d never be comfortable around him again. She told me to just put it out of my mind like she could… ???

She said that she could forgive herself for one time & anything else would be wrong (wasn’t one time.. and it’s still terrible either way) I told my husband and he wants to create a fake account or tell one of his friends to anonymously tell her fiancé so that he doesn’t “waste his life” with her. I am torn because I don’t feel like it’s our place to involve ourselves in her business,

but it’s also terrible for her fiancé that he will never know she’s a cheater otherwise. My husband thinks I’m condoning her behavior if I don’t let him tell, especially since I haven’t been wanting to be her friend anymore for other reasons as of late. Do I allow him to somehow tell the fiancé and risk it coming back to me and starting drama & losing other long-term friends from our friend group?

What do you think? This is what some top commenters had to say:

lmlp94 said:

He needs to know! You’ll probably save his life if you tell him, metaphorically speaking. Just imagine buying a house with someone who has cheated on you. Wouldn’t you want to know if you were him?

He would be even more devastated if he found out AFTER he bought a house with her. And he will find out eventually. The truth always comes out sooner or later. Yes she might suspect it’s you but you don’t like her anyway so what have you got to lose? It might not be your business, but it’s the right thing to do.

insomniafog said:

Your husband is right. Why are you protecting a friend you don’t even get along with anymore? You know the right thing to do.

[deleted] said:

If I were your husband I would be side eyeing you heavily. Because I would be wondering just how much you accept when it comes to cheating. And whether I was next. You should realize this before your husband doesn’t like the person he sees

The29thpi said:

If the roles were reversed would you want to know? Let that be your moral compass. Maybe he wouldn’t want to know, but all you can do is act with your best integrity and do right by people the best way you know how.

Verdict: She should let her husband tell him the truth.

A few days later, she shared this update:

I have an update to the saga I posted a couple of days ago. My “friend” (copies my entire identity, constantly competitive, phony as of late) told me she cheated on her fiancé of 7 years with a coworker she has been obsessing over (had sex 3x over a short period of time until he ghosted her) and was proud of it and was never going to tell him.

I came to Reddit to ask what I should do and everyone said my husband or I should tell the fiancé. Instead, I told her that I was disgusted with her and wouldn’t be her friend or respect her until she told him.

Suddenly, her tune completely changed. She was remorseful, said she was losing sleep and she did feel terrible, and that I was completely right. I never replied to her bc still… you haven’t told him so?

A couple hours later she came back to me saying that she told him the truth. She was so calm and clear headed and relayed complete monologues that apparently were said between them. She said that he was angry at first, but then he came down from it and decided he wants to work things out and sleep in the same bed tonight.

She said ridiculous things like “he asked me what you would do, and I told him you would leave me, and said he wishes he was as strong as you” and “he said that I can stop carrying around this heavy burden now and feel better about it” At first I believed her and was so relieved she changed her mind and told him so quickly, but then a few things just didn’t add up.

It just seems so shady and bizarre that he would find out she slept with another guy and be completely over it in a matter of hours. Also- why tf would he be mentioning ME during a fight like this? My husband said she is completely manipulating me and is afraid that since I have a guilty conscience I would tell him.

My husband thinks that she pretended to tell him & never actually did so that she could keep me as a friend. My husband thinks I should follow up with the fiancé innocently to see how things are going for him & see if he knows what I’m referring to or is caught off guard.

I haven’t replied to her and probably never will again. I just wanted to update you all after my last post! (And also get your opinions on whether or not she’s lying)

She then shared this final update:

Okay people. Third and probably final update pertaining to my “friend” who cheated on her fiancé and was proud of it. (I’m kind of drunk after a happy hour with my coworkers so don’t mind me, but I wanted to update) I knew she was lying, or at least wasn’t telling the full truth when she said that she told her fiancé the truth about her affair.

I messaged him and all I had to say was “hi ___” and he didn’t reply for a day. I had every intention of telling him everything if/when he replied. The next day he got back to me and said “hey. So thank you for all that you did to get me to find out the truth. I told Erin that you messaged me, and suddenly the full truth came out. At first she told me that the hookup was just once with a random guy at the bar.

But thanks to you, I learned the whole truth. I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do” He said he believed she was remorseful because she spent all day in bed after that being depressed and crying. I told him the truth that I think she is not remorseful and she is not sad for him, she is sad she got caught and everyone will know her true character. She didn’t get away with living her fantasy and deceiving everyone.

He went and told her everything I said (I know this because a mutual friend that I have kept updated said she told her that I was the bad person for speaking ill of her to her fiancé), so I am separating myself from both of them from here on out. But, my job here is done! He knows the truth and she was fully exposed. Who knows what he will do from here.