'AITA for being suspicious of my boyfriend's close girl friend?' UPDATED

"AITA for being suspicious of my boyfriend's close girl friend?"

I (30f) recently came across one of my boyfriend's (33m) recent posts on my social media. I was going to comment when I noticed a girl comment and the replies. Something about did he get her dad's gloves off the roof, since the post was about him shoveling ice. I thought that was odd and she had never been mentioned before so I clicked her page.

The only photos I can see are the ones he's tagged in ranging years and years. Basically images of them cuddling in bed with blankets over them and a few of him alone topless. The later images happen to be of him and her kids at the park.

I brought it up to him and ask if this was his girlfriend or old girlfriend. He said no , he's a one woman man. He claims they were only just friends and that they had a chance to be more and chose not to. I didn't directly ask if they had ever slept together, but he didn't seem to give any real details and just said the pictures are old and they aren't close like that anymore.

He seemed quick to be willing to drop her, but I would never ask someone that. Also I shouldn't need to. He told me he had only seen her recently again . That he knows her mom, brother and herself for years but just met her dad. That the gloves are a joke where her dad jokingly said my boyfriend's gloves were his.

Although I don't get how that relates to the original comment from social media. He said he went over recently to play magic with her kids although in messages during the days he's seen her , he just said he was seeing a friend.

I'm not the jealous type, telling me you're going to see a friend is usually enough for me. I don't need to pry or be noisy , I like to consider myself a person who isn't jealous or suspicious unless given a real reason to be.

I've been burned in the past but I don't feel I'm taking my past youth relationships out on this relationship as my last relationship was relatively healthy with no infidelity issues and lasted almost 10 years.

Its worth mentioning I have kids of my own and I'm usually very busy as one of them is disabled . I'm not ready to bring him into my children's lives as still been under a year and I don't want to bring someone in my children's lives who may not last.

That being said , I don't get a lot of free time and when I do , I sometimes need to sleep as I get very little with my schedule. He said he doesn't mind that and that he feels I'm worth it and the chance of being able to spend our lives together , but I'm not sure if that's true.

I guess what I'm asking is, am I overreacting? Is this just an old friend, maybe hooked up and he didn't want it to be a big deal ? Or is this a girl who maybe he hooked up and wanted more , she didn't and he's still hooked on ? He said it's been two years since they've hung out until recently and that they just started again although I'm unsure why. He also says she has a boyfriend but I see no evidence of that.

I'm also wondering if maybe she does want him now and it's why she has a sudden return, and given the chance and time they probably will have to spend together , that it's the ladder and that the girl he's always wanted will finally be available.

I'm actually okay with that, I want him to be happy , I get my situation isn't ideal. My kids will always come first. I just want honesty and alot of people refuse to be real with you to protect themselves. I'm wondering if I should protect myself first. Sorry if it's a mess, I haven't slept and I've left him on read all night. I just don't know what to think or do

What do you think is going on here? Is she overreacting? This is what top commenters had to say:

EnceladusKnight said:

Check her Facebook again in a day or two and see if those photos he's tagged in conveniently disappear.

LabCitizen said:

you want to meet her. see how he reacts

ConstantThought6 said:

Initially I was going to say this sounds like he’s communicating clearly but when you add that you don’t spend a whole lot of time together… are you sure you’re not the other women?

OP responded:

I was wondering and asking the same thing. I wanted to message her directly, but felt that may be a bit crazy. Especially if I'm not the other woman , causes more damage to my relationship than is being done. I also felt he was communicating decently clearly , minus the few parts not adding up. That could also be a texting issue though.

FirefighterBusy4552 said:

I just think the part where he was quick to drop her is so sus. If she’s been a part of his life for that long, why would he offer that?

And This_Cauliflower1986 said:

I would love to give this one the benefit of the doubt but my spidy sense won’t allow it. I think you are the side piece or sharing which maybe is a leap. I have close male friends but also have transparency with my partner.

The gloves and liking and comments on posts gives me pause. Under the covers and shirtless pics. I don’t believe his story. I want to but can’t. Reach out to her or ask him more pointedly when you show him the pictures of them under the covers.

Later OP added these edits:

Edit: I'm gonna answer some common questions here Firstly it's been over 6 months but under a year since we've been dating.

Also, a lot of people mention I seem jealous for someone who says they aren't. I said unless given a reason to be. I didn't even know she existed until she commented on his post and they've been hanging out. I'm sure anyone would be confused to say the least. I also have male friends.

I don't have time to see my best friend more than maybe once every 3 months but he's male and we were co workers and still game together. We go to GameStop when new merch comes out. My boyfriend knows that , has seen our pictures (not cuddling cause we don't do that) I've been upfront with him.

Imagine they are just friends , unfortunately I don't see myself dating someone who cuddles their friends under blankets in their bed. I don't do that and haven't since high school , and if that even. That's just a personal boundary we may not all have, but it's mine.

I don't know how close they are or where the baby dad is, I don't see proof of her having a boyfriend that wouldn't be my own and if I have to go as far as messaging her and can't trust him then I just wouldn't pursue the relationship further. I didn't ask if they slept together so he didn't answer that.

Its been awhile since I've been in the dating game, I wasn't sure if I was just overreacting. Thankfully a lot of you have been supportive and insightful.

She later shared this mini-update:

I took the day to read comments and just think. I decided to get all my questions together and just ask them outright. I also let him know why I was asking and let him know that I was aware I could be over reacting but that I just felt weird because she was never mentioned when I've always been upfront about my friends . I'll hopefully update again once he answers and I know more.

For those saying I could lose him altogether? I could. That's just gonna have to be okay. Everything happens for a reason. I'd rather be honest with him about how I feel instead of letting myself have negative feelings or breakup. I just didn't want to even mention it more if I was just being nuts. Thanks everyone who's been so supportive.

Edit: I don't know who the guy in the comments is, but he's not the dude. Kinda crazy though that someone's going through very similar, but I'm not your gal lol.

Then OP came back with one more update:

Unfortunately the update isn't all that exciting. Sorry it took so long. Essentially , he was able to reassure me that she was just a friend. Just knew each other for a long time and just caught up. That was fine with me. Sadly , I just don't have a lot of time so we did part ways.

I didn't see us getting to the point where I would want to move any further past what we were doing already, so I let him go. He deserves someone who's all in and right now I'm really only all in for my kids. Thanks again to everyone who gave awesome advice and thank you for the help. Sorry it wasn't more exciting.