'My wife just found out she’s pregnant. I had a vasectomy 10 years ago.' UPDATED

"My (45M) wife (29f) just found out she’s pregnant… I had a vasectomy 10 years ago."

I had a vasectomy during my first marriage, my ex and I had 3 kids, we were done, it just made sense. I got married last year after 3 years of dating. My wife has never given me any indication to believe she is cheating, in fact she is an extremely loyal, attentive spouse.

To top it all off, I work from home! I literally don’t know when she would have the time to have an affair unless she was doing it at work. We always have our locations on our iPhones and I have noticed no secretive or suspicious behavior.

When we first found out she was incredibly shocked but ultimately very happy and said, in between tears, that she guessed the vasectomy failed. I’ve googled it. We’re looking at about a 1% probability that this happened.

So basically I have two choices, ask my wife for a paternity test and either have my suspicions confirmed (and my marriage over) or her trust in me shattered. Or I say nothing and live with this gnawing suspicion until our child is born and I can quietly perform a paternity test.

I am so torn up about this, my wife is already planning the nursery and I am sitting here wondering if I should be hating her or myself.

Commenters weighed in to offer advice and support:

Mrsatchesfriend said:

Call your doctor they should be able to do a sperm count and tell you if your even remotely fertile, wait for those results before confronting her.

OP respondd:

Yeah this is absolutely the thing to do. I’ve been so stressed out and shocked I haven’t been thinking clearly

Hector_St_Clare said:

Things with a 1% probability of happening happen all the time. And vasectomies are not foolproof.

And SharDaniels said:

No all vasectomys are 100%, get checked with your doc to see. My bfs neighbor had a vasectomy after 3 kids, 15yrs later and he is in his 50’s, he met a young lady and that was it! He is now 58 with an 8yr old! He said it doesnt always work the first time, he got resnipped the second time

A month later, he shared this update:

Hello all, a few of you might remember my last post. My wife found out she was pregnant unexpectedly and I, having had a vasectomy 10 years ago, couldn’t get over the suspicion of cheating. I took everyone’s advice and got the vasectomy checked. Low and behold, my doctor tells me my sperm count is very low, but still, there are sperm present.

It explains why we’ve been having unprotected sex for years and never had a problem, but also why my wife is now pregnant. I was equal parts relieved and ashamed of myself. My wife is a wonderful person and she shows me every single day how much I mean to her…. And I suspected her of cheating before I suspected an issue with the vasectomy?

I have thought about coming clean to my wife and telling her what I did, but on the other hand she is so happy and excited. She’s showing quite a bit now and everywhere we go, people tell her she is glowing.

Our relationship is the best it’s ever been and I don’t think it’s right to burst her bubble to alleviate my own guilt. All I can do is be the best husband I can to her through this pregnancy and get ready to be a dad at 46.

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, I just wish I had thought of it myself before jumping to horrible conclusions. I thought I should post an update.

This is what top commenters had to say:

CD_Johanna said:

I would still get a paternity test

OP responded:

I love my wife. Confirmation that it’s possible is all I need to trust her.

demetri_k said:

Thanks for the update and congratulations! I think it’s ok to be honest with your wife about how you felt and that you had to get checked out. Would you get snipped again?

And OP responded:

Maybe eventually, but right now I want to focus on us. When we met I told my wife kids were off the table. At the time she was rather ambivalent to having them so it wasn’t a hard condition to accept. Now that she’s pregnant though, and I see the joy it brings her, I’m so happy this happened and I was able to give her this. That being said…. Absolutely going to get re-snipped after the baby is born!