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'I snooped in my wife's phone and found flirty texts from her co-worker. She denied it.' UPDATED

'I snooped in my wife's phone and found flirty texts from her co-worker. She denied it.' UPDATED


"Wife had been flirting with her coworker. She said she would stop but it just happened again... is there any future in this relationship?"

My wife and I have been married for slightly more than three years now. Last Christmas, I found she had been having a long conversation with a coworker of hers, in which they talked about having hooked up multiple times and that they couldn’t wait for the next one. The guy said he was going to book a hotel near their office right after Christmas.

In this conversation, when he said he was looking forward to seeing my wife, she would reply with things like “I’m looking forward to much more than just seeing you”, etc. You get the idea. Overly flirty and NSFW.

When I confronted my wife, she denied the conversation existed. After deleting it, she showed me her phone to prove it didn't exist. But I had taken a few pictures. She then said it was all virtual and that they never did anything physical. To prove she was right, she messaged her coworker (in front of me) asking if he had booked the hotel, he replied “not yet”.

She then asked if he was really expecting them to meet, to which he replied negatively. She promised they would never talk again and I agreed, simply because I love her a lot and wanted to trust her, but in my mind I wasn’t completely sure she had been honest.

For a few weeks, I must admit I checked her phones a few too many times, so she changed her password, which I was fine with because I was probably being too paranoid. This week, I picked her phone up because I needed a code that had been sent to her phone number (I didn’t even need to unlock the screen to get it).

To my surprise, under the message with the code there were other messages from the same guy. One of them was an audio, the second one was a shirtless photo of himself in front of a mirror, and the third one said “sweaty” and a few emojis with the tongue.

I confronted her since she had promised they wouldn’t talk ever again and she said he just wanted to show her he’s going to the gym to show progress. But that the rest of the times they talk it’s just about work, and that this is just a coincidence. I asked her to show me the rest of their messages but she said she had mistakenly deleted their conversation history.

My wife says she’s going to change this time and that I never really forgave her and that’s why she kept talking to the guy. She says this time she’s really going to stop but I have a hard time believing it. Or even if she does stop, I fear when things don't go so well between us she'll do it again. I really love her but can’t keep living like this. Is there any situation in which this can work? What would you do?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:


Dude, you are being blind


You've been married three years and you don't mention kids - so I'm assuming you don't have any. Consider yourself lucky, dude.

1.) She's cheating on you. A lot of people cheat, most don't get caught. Consider yourself lucky, again, that you don't have to take her word for it because the evidence you found is clear-cut. She may eventually admit, she may not. No matter, you have your answer.

2.) Get a lawyer. You know your marriage is over and you can never trust her again, right?

3.) Book an appointment with a therapist. A video-chat appointment is better than none at all and even if you have never had therapy before, you would be surprised by how settled you can feel after opening up to someone about how badly you have been hurt.

And they will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and in your case it's a life without someone who is pretending to love you while deceiving you to serve their own purposes. (What are they? The comfort, love and stability that you provide at home while getting it dirty, hot and cheap on the side. Again, sorry dude.)


I've taken the liberty of rewriting your post:

My wife, who has previously slept with a coworker multiple times, has been texting that same coworker about sleeping together. I confronted her about this and she said it was all virtual and nothing happened.

Then she continues to message the same coworker and sleep together more, i discover topless photos of that coworker on my wifes phone. My wife appologises and again tells me nothing is happening. Do you think my wife is cheating on me?


Get out pls. For your own sake, leave. She has broken your trust more than once now. I was in the same situation, it does not end well.

Commenters agreed: She's cheating. And they urged OP to GTFO.

A few days later, OP shared this update:

After reading every single comment of the reddit post, my brain just couldn't overcome the catastrophe and the collapse of the world I had built for me in which my wife is my love, my best friend and partner, as well a the person I admire the most.

She was entirely perfect, and made me happy for many years. I thought no couple in the world could have what we had. We were both very happy for a long time. We were both attractive, we were both inherently good, had big hearts and were individually wildly successful in our careers.

After the reddit post, I moved to an airbnb and eventually with family to think things through. It was a terrible time but a psychologist helped me recover from a terrible mental state. It coincided with the pandemic hitting very hard in my city (I caught the virus), which didn't help.

During this time, we kept talking and my wife was very sorry and continued saying they hadn't met. I knew it wasn't true but was willing to forgive the woman of my dreams, who continued being in the highest altar of my universe.

Fast forward last saturday morning, I went back to our place, ready to forgive her and talk things through in the most mature way possible. And well, there she was, but I was the one who received the biggest surprise, to say the least. The guy was in my house naked, and so was my wife. The guy from the messages, the guy from the pics. The one she said she didn't even like.

I caught him hiding in my bathroom as my wife was putting her pajamas on. When I saw him hiding in my bathroom, he uttered "sorry dude". For a second I asked myself, is this were I kill him? But I instantly replied "I got nothing against you", because the guy was just nailing this hot woman.

Even if he was doing so in a house full of pictures of me. Pictures of our wedding and our families. Pictures of my dead father who would be so sad to see how the marriage he never witnessed was going to end. He has always been the reason I try to make the world a better place. He passed away two months before our wedding.

I'm sorry. I still love her to death. But I understand enough is enough. Even if my world collapses, I hope I can build a new one without lies and in which I'm not just a blind believer under an altar of a fake god. Godspeed.

Sources: Reddit
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