'I left work early and caught my BF cheating on me with his long time friend.' UPDATED 4X

"I (20F) walked in on my boyfriend (22M) cheating on me with his long time friend"

I wish this were a joke. My heart physically hurts just typing this out. My boyfriend who I'll call K and I have been dating for 4 years. After high-school he asked me to move in with him in a different state. I agreed so that we could be together while we attended college.

Over the years we made amazing friends here and he was just as kind to me as when we first started dating. Cute awkward text messages, surprise gifts and flowers at least once every two weeks. We had a date night every Thursday after work as well. We were both from well off families so we never struggled financially. He also told me he loved at least once a day.

Well, last week I got out of work early. I was in a good mood because K had sent flowers to my workplace and ordered me Chinese for lunch, because I had mentioned that I had a taste for it the night before. On my way home from work I picked up some of his favorite donuts and went home.

When I walked in the door, I could immediately hear sounds. I walked to our bedroom to see that our friend Elly was in bed with him. My heart dropped. They'd known eachother for 10 years but they were never close, or so I thought. They didn't notice me until I'd dropped the donuts in shock.

They quickly covered themselves up and K got up to try and explain the situation to me, but I wasn't hearing any of it. I packed a bag and left to my friends house. I've been here for the last week trying to rationalize everything. He's been calling me and texting me. Telling me he loves me and that he doesn't know why he did this. Hes been asking me to come back. Where did I go wrong?

Was I not satisfying him enough? I just don't understand why he would do this to me. I have no idea what to do moving forward.

Tl;dr I got off of work early and found my BF of 4 years in bed with his friend of nearly 10 years. I don't understand why he would do this to me or what I did wrong.

This is what top commenters had to say:

Twinmomwineaddict said:

'Where did I go wrong? Did I not satisfy him enough?' DON'T!! Don't ever think that you are somehow responsible for this! If he had a problem with your relationship, or your intimate life, he should have adressed the issue with you. "I was unhappy in the relationship" is always just an excuse for people who are to cowardly to have an honest conversation with their partner.

Or for people who just can't keep it in their pants and use this as an out for their behaviour in stead of just admitting they are assholes. I'm very sorry this happened to you, but don't ever forget that this is HIS fault NOT YOURS!!

ayymahi said:

You’re 20, you’ll have time to fall in love again. focus on yourself & Block him on everything even his number. Then find hobbies, make new friends hang with old ones. Do things to distract you from him.

Majestic-Post-1684 said:

In your bed? This was not the first time he cheated on you. She is no friend to you and he is not a loyal boyfriend. I’m curious what stupid explanation he had for sleeping with another woman in your bed. But whatever it is it’s probably BS. If you hadn’t caught them, he would probably still be cheating on you now. She’s just as much scum as he is. They both deserve to be exposed for what they did to you.

Update:

First I would really like to thank you all for all of your supportive comments and dms. They really helped me to pull myself out of this hole a bit. For those wondering what excuse K gave me, he told me that it just happened. He said this really was the first time and it wasn't planned at all. That I should know this isn't the real him.

He explained that she came over and that one thing just lead to another and it was a mistake he'd do anything to fix. He's sent me pictures of an engagement ring as well. Elly messaged me as well, saying how she never meant to hurt me and that it wasn't supposed to be this way. K is still bombarding me with messages apologizing and asking for forgiveness.

After reading through all of your comments though I decided to take your advice. This morning I called my friend Ian and explained the situation to him. I asked him if he'd be willing to come with me and help me to grab my things while K was at work tomorrow morning. I explained the situation to my friends and family and they all agree that leaving is the best option.

I will be taking all of my things and flying back home. My parents have sent me the money for a ticket and I'll be moving back in with them for the time being. I don't plan on telling K anything. He Will just come home to a partially empty apartment. Thank you everyone for all of your wonderful support. Any future updates will be made to my page, for anyone interested.

Second update, two days later:

As planned, my friend Ian and I went back to the apartment in the morning when I knew K wouldn't be there, to pack my things. It took about 3 hours in total to pack all of my things with Ian's help. We packed my things into our cars then went to have them shipped back to my parents house.

To be honest, I'm still completely heart broken. All of you called me strong and I thank you, but I don't feel strong at all. I feel as if I just lost half of my heart. I really did think he was going to be the man I would marry.

So it was very scary when I got on my phone to look at the security cameras and K was throwing things around and acting like I'd never seen before. He'd always been very level headed. At least to my knowledge. He called me at least 100 time but I'm not going to answer. I decided to take your advice and block both him and elly. I'll be on my flight back to my parents tomorrow morning.

Third update, three days later:

Sorry it took so long for an update. A lot of crazy things happened after I got to my parents. As I was getting settled in it turns out that a mutual friend of ours told K what I was doing and he thought it would be a good idea to come to me In person to beg for forgiveness.

To be honest I almost had a moment of weakness until it became apparent that he didn't come alone. He brought Elly with him. He said it was because he figured with her also guaranteeing that it wouldn't happen again, I would believe him and go back to him.

Elly also decided this was the best time to admit that she was pregnant and that K might be the father. K said that even if he was the father, he would only be there for the baby. That his heart would only belong to me. I was furious and heart was broken all over again. This also made it very apparent it was indeed not the first time.

Because k wouldn't leave, my younger brother(18m) also came out and started calling K and Elly all sorts of things and it lead to a physical altercation. My little brother punched him in the face and thankfully K took that as a sign to leave. This is all such a huge mess. I don't want to see K or Elly anymore. I don't want to hear the excuses.

My heart feels like it's been ripped apart. They can have eachother for all I care. If I post more updates, they will likely be on my page for anyone interested. Really thank you all for all your kindness. Thank you for calling me strong even when I don't feel like it.

Fourth and final update, nine days later:

I've been going through a wave of different emotions. First I'll address some simple questions I got: I didn't drop out of college. Thankfully prior to this whole incident I was already taking online courses. I do plan to move to move back, but in my own apartment later on.

Now as for what happened next between K and I. He came back twice to try and apologize and ask me to reconsider. He reminded me about how I said I had never felt this way for someone before and that ending this would be a mistake. That we could work through these problems, if I give him a chance.

I told him that I don't plan on being a step parent to his mistresses kid, so even if I dismissed the cheating, which I made clear that I wouldn't, I'd break up with him because of that. He began crying and saying he would talk her into getting an abortion if it meant that I would go back with him.

I hate them both but to be honest hearing that made me feel disgusted. I told him that we were done and he needed to leave. The second time, my Dad threatened him if he didn't leave the property. From what I hear now, he went back home. I'm sorry this probably isn't an interesting update. But thank you all for your support. Your comments really helped me stand my ground on this.