Man demands stepdaughter share inheritance with his daughter; wife 'stays out of it.'

"AITA for expecting my daughters to share their grandma's inheritance 50/50 regardless of the will?"

I have two daughters that were my late mother-in-law's only grandchildren, Elise (22f) and Rea (21f). She always favored Elise because Elise wanted to follow in her footsteps and be just like her. She spent so much more time with Elise, teaching her her profession and using her connections to get her set up in her field. When she went into care, she had to disperse her assets to pay for it.

She took yet another opportunity to favor Elise by making sure she alone got her tools and a small amount of land that she used to set up greenhouses. She passed a little over a year ago, and we got a letter in the mail about a trust that she had set up about a decade ago. There isn't much, about $30,000.

The trust states that it's supposed to be shared equally between her grandchildren and can only be fully dispersed when the youngest is 21. The only two grandchildren are my daughters, Elise and Rea, and Rea just turned 21. We asked about it, and got the answer that unfortunately, only Elise is eligible to withdraw any money from this trust.

She set up a clause that anyone who had a child before the minimum age to inherit is automatically disqualified. In short, if one of the grandchildren has a baby before age 21, they get $0 and their portion goes to the other heirs. Rea has a two year old son, and Elise doesn't have kids, so according to the terms, Elise gets 100%. I'm pissed. My wife wants to just let it go and ignore that it ever existed just like the land.

I don't. My mother-in-law never treated Rea like a real grandchild. She never spent real time with her or gave her the same opportunities. At the time she set this up, Elise had had to undergo a hysterectomy. She set this up so that only Rea could fail and she'd have an excuse to get a dig in one last time.

I swallowed the land thing because it was affected Elise's career and there were already things to maintain that only Elise cared to, but this is too much. I think Elise is obligated to do the right thing and split this with her sister. Elise thinks we shouldn't fight the will and my wife is trying to stay neutral.

People didn't hold back one bit on OP.

anti_hero_123 brought up one crucial detail OP omitted in the main post:

YTA for leaving out that Rea is your MIL’s step grandchild, and Elise is MIL’s bio grandchild. That’s a pretty critical part of the story.

HeirOfRavenclaw wrote:

Honestly, yeah YTA. Sure, I can see how you want to split evenly, but it’s not your money to make decisions on. You literally have no claim to it, or can make any decisions regarding it. It doesn’t even come from your side of the family.

Stomp your feet all you want, it’s Elise’s choice what to do with it now. Grandmother didn’t like the idea of teen mothers, and made sure that behaviour wasn’t rewarded. Sucks, but that’s how it is.

cultqueennn wrote:

YTA. Elise is her biological granddaughter, Rhea isn't. Elise spent time with her grandmother, Rhea didn't. Mind your business.

cuervoguy2002 wrote:

N A H. (except grandma, but she is dead)

YTA. You are being a good father, wanting both children to have something. Your wife is trying to play Switzerland. However, it seems grandma had other ideas.

That said, I think you can have your opinions, but you should stay out. You can advise Elise one time about it. And say something like "look, if you take all this money, legally you can do that, but you may be ruining your relationship with your sister." At that point though you need to let her make her choice.

This money was left to her, so it needs to be up to her what she does with it. You can be disappointed in her choice. But you still need to let it be her choice. And frankly, I don't know that I'd call Elise and AH if she kept it all.

My grandmother had many grandchildren. I got more in the will than others when she died. Me and her were very close. I don't think I was obligated to make it equal. Changed to YTA when it was revealed in the comments that they are step sisters, so Elise came into the family later.

That part makes a huge difference here. You are essentially mad that "your" daughter isn't getting the same thing as your wife's daughter. Yes, I understand you adopted Elise, and your wife adopted Rae, so they are both of your kids. But being a blended family definitely is something that should be made clear.

Key-Bit1208 wrote:

YTA. It’s not your place to decide how someone else divides their estate. Your MIL had every right to place whatever wacky parameters she wanted on the trust. It’s heartbreaking that Elise had to undergo a hysterectomy at a young age…but that doesn’t mean that the grandmother ‘set up’ Rea to fail. Rea made her own life choices.

Pushing for this is not going to ‘bring the girls together’, it’s only going to increase the tension and create animosity. If you are truly disturbed over the money, sit the girls down and discuss setting aside $15k from your own estate for Rea. It’s the amount that she would have received from the trust, had she met the terms.

Elise gets her $15k plus Rea’s share now, and eventually gets $15k less during the division of your estate. It’s not a perfect solution, but it seems better than tearing your family apart by fighting the trust or badgering Elise to give her sister $15k.

While this situation might be understandably hard for Rea, OP is TA for inserting himself where he doesn't belong.