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Woman tells husband it's 'tacky' to talk about his future inheritance, asks him to stop.

Woman tells husband it's 'tacky' to talk about his future inheritance, asks him to stop.


Few topics ruffle feathers quite like finances, and even the most peaceful relationships can hit a snag when there are differences around what's appropriate to discuss moneywise. It's natural to have massively different perspectives if you grow up with different financial privileges and different cultural mores around money. Talking through them is the challenge at hand.

All these dynamics apply exponentially when something as loaded as inheritance is involved.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for telling her husband to stop talking about his future inheritance.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my husband not to talk about his future inheritance?

My husband and I are in our early 40s and have been married for ten years. Over the last couple of years, as his family members have grown older, the subject of my husband's inheritance has come up. Since the relatives bring it up, I have found that appropriate, but have cringed a bit when he sidebars later with his sister to discuss how they will split the money, etc.

This has all been done in private, but yesterday, we were out on a boat ride with friends, and we saw a property that looked a lot like his uncle's lake house. He then bragged that he and his two cousins would very likely be splitting that house in the future. He sounded excited. Then he started talking about some other details of his father's inheritance, and I quickly shut the conversation down and redirected.

Today I explained to him that I felt like him talking excitedly about his inheritance undermined the love, respect, and appreciation he has for his family members. He flipped out, basically told me that since I don't stand to gain anything from my parents, I don't really understand that it's normal to talk about these things.

I think I might be the a**hole because he took my comments as me accusing him of being a greedy, entitled brat, where he thinks these things are just openly discussed in his family.

TL;DR: My husband thinks it's totally normal to talk excitedly about future inheritance, and I told him it was tacky and that he shouldn't do it. AITA for judging him and telling him that his comments were indecent?

The internet had plenty of thoughts.

cyncount wrote:

NTA what did I just read? My biggest hope for my parents is that they live long enough to spend everything they have. How can you be excited for an inheritance when it means someone you love will no longer be alive? I'd rather have the person.

Anony-Depressy wrote:

NTA. Make sure if they die under suspicious circumstances to have the police look at your husband and the cousins first. 👀

CanyouhearmeYau wrote:

NTA. I mean, I don't really like the word 'normal' but I would say it is always foolish to spend money that you don't yet have. If word of his big mouth got back to some of these relatives, with the way he is talking so gleefully about the fruits of their demise, they might well rethink his place in the will...but it's just a bit ghoulish beyond that.

I may well have some money coming to me someday (not second-house money) and I can't say I've ever thought about or discussed it in that way. That's just me though. I do not think you are out of line for feeling this is inappropriate.

If you actually brought the issue to him in the way that you presented it here, then I don't believe you've done anything wrong and if anything, by his reaction it sounds like you may have struck a nerve. Some people think it's gauche to talk about money in general but that's not the problem here.

I agree with you that gleefully and excitedly talking about future purchases to be made as a direct result of the passing of a loved one is disrespectful at best. The main pitfall would be approaching the conversation afterwards indelicately, but it doesn't sound like that was the case.

LillyWithTwoLs wrote:

This is apparently going to be a very unpopular option here but NAH. It’s fine for you to be uncomfortable with it. But as someone who spent many years working in estate law, having conversations like this early before the deaths makes the process later much, much easier.

Sure, it’s fine to talk about it with those that will be leaving the assets—but the important conversations are had with those you’ll be sharing them with. There’s a good chance that their willingness to talk about it now will prevent some issues down the road.

Alaskerian wrote:

You could add a lot of joy to his life by getting a $1,000,000 life insurance policy. He can be like, 'If jujubeamz fell off this boat and drowned right now, I'd buy a boat like that one!!!'

MortifyingMember wrote:

YTA. So was he actually bragging or was he talking excitedly about his future prospects among friends? Why is he not allowed to talk to his sister about their split inheritance? What does he stand to inherit? Millions? Perhaps real estate? Businesses? Is that somehow not exciting?

It is normal to talk about inheritance in some families. Mine discusses it because we own businesses and we want to keep it in the family. Discussing future plans is normal to make sure you don't blow the money or make poor choices. Realize that the excitement is normal if he stands to inherit a lot.

While the internet is a little divided on this, it seems most of them agree that OP's husband is a bit out of line in the way he talks about this.

Sources: Reddit
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