Jealous

Woman's family learns her fiance is 'erotic' circus acrobat, disown her. UPDATE

Most people associate the circus with family fun.This story is an exception. One man struggled when his fiance was uncomfortable with the &#39;sexual&#39; nature of his performance art and addressed him about it. Then, her family found a video of his performace and everything escalated very quickly. This story takes place over the course of two years and starts from the relationship struggle.My(m26) fiance(f24) is concerned about another girl I&#39;m working withThrowRA3837374 My fianc&eacute; wanted to talk to me a couple of nights ago about something that&#39;s been on her mind for awhile, but something that she wasn&#39;t sure how to express. She was nervous about &quot;coming off wrong&quot; to use her words, and she said that she was afraid that bringing it up would ruin our relationship.  I did my best to promise her that nothing she said could do that, so she told me what it was, and I&#39;m trying to find the best way to handle it.  We have known each other going back to high school, and we have been dating for the past 3 years. We both recently graduated and wanted to wait until we did before we talked about marriage, but after we did, we both began looking for places and I proposed to her with a ring that she pointed out to me.  But, she said that she felt guilty for not saying anything before telling me to buy the ring, and even though I promised her that nothing she said could change how I feel about her, she still feels bad after we talked last night, and I wanted to come here and ask for advice on the situation.  When I was in college, I fell in love with circus arts on the side at a place that offered it, and after trying a trial class, I ended up taking classes there from my first college semester going on four plus years, and I mostly specialize in handstand balancing and partner acrobatics, but this is the thing that she was slightly concerned about.  In the partner acrobatics class/community that I&#39;ve been a part of for the past few years, the instructors would assign partners based on similar skill levels in the group, and I have been working with another girl similar to my skill level.  My fiance knows this and has even attended a few of our recitals, not to mention she&#39;s also tried a few classes herself, but felt that she&#39;d be a long time until she became decent, and she didn&#39;t feel like putting a lot of hours into it, which is totally fine.  We all have different passions, and I try to support hers like she tried to support mine by attending our recitals over the past few years.  However, when we talked, she said that she didn&#39;t want to come off as if she was jealous (and she made sure to emphasize that numerous times), but she said that she had doubts about how closely we worked together.  Specifically how we&#39;re usually holding/catapulting each other up into different balances and work very closely to each other, along with the time we&#39;ve spent together to refine our skills for performances and such, and she just wanted to ask as it&#39;s been on her mind for awhile, but she felt bad for not stating her concern months before.  I did my best to tell her that I love her and appreciate her concern and for telling me too, since I know she could&#39;ve kept it inside and lead to future problems by never voicing it, problems I would never know about in all likelihood.  However, I also tried my best to emphasize that while we worked closely together to refine our skills, that we were not in any romantic relationship whatsoever, despite the fact that my partner isn&#39;t in a relationship... and I know how it can look when we&#39;re balancing and stunting together in close proximity.  But, my partner also knows that I&#39;m in a relationship, and I personally see it similar to when dancers work with other dancers or actors/actresses in a movie/play may have relations that don&#39;t translate off of the screen and are strictly professional  However, I told her that if she prefers that I stop doing acrobatics with her, that I&#39;d be more than willing to do that as we&#39;re especially about to get married, but she began to feel guilty and say that she &quot;didn&#39;t want to waste all the money from our last 4 years of working together&quot;.  Along with how we make some money on the side performing at gigs that our studio often provides, and she began to feel guilty for bringing it up and &quot;causing a riff&quot; between me and my partner, which has not happened at all.  I want to show her that I appreciate her telling me her concern and that I&#39;m willing to do my best to erase any concerns she may have, and especially as we&#39;re about to get married in the near future, and I&#39;m happy that we could have a conversation about it.  However, I wanted to ask for advice on how to move forward and what choice would be the best one to make, perhaps even from others who are actors/dancers and have relationships aside from working with a partner in a professional field. Any advice is appreciated, and thanks for reading all of that. The OP also provided a video showing the type of performance he does.     Here was the initial response from readers:MoreCuriousThanEver The open communication and love, empathy, care and consideration demonstrated on both sides is amazing. Your relationship sounds as if it&rsquo;s really worth holding on to and nurturing, to the point where, if absolutely necessary, I would give up the classes to avoid distressing her. BUT I&#39;m equally sure that won&#39;t be necessary. black-pearl-dust I&#39;m sure her concerns are groundless, but that doesn&rsquo;t invalidate them. She&rsquo;s just human. She loves you like crazy and she&rsquo;s afraid of losing you. And what you are doing isn&#39;t quite the same as, say, lion-taming.  We all know how affairs start every year on all those TV dance competitions. It&rsquo;s because the couples spend so much time alone together, doing close-up physical activity out of sight, and I&#39;m sure that&rsquo;s at the back of your fianc&eacute;&rsquo;s mind.  So if it&rsquo;s possible to arrange, I suspect that the solution is to avoid alone-together training. Make sure it&rsquo;s always out in the open where other people can see you, and let your fianc&eacute; know this, and that she is always welcome to swing by unannounced to watch or to collect you for lunch. The openness will allay all her fears, and she will probably never come by.  I think this will help more than inviting her to join you and this other girl for lunch. After all, the dynamics of that setup might make your fianc&eacute; feel like the outsider at the table, and that isn&#39;t going to help anything. A month later, the OP returned:UPDATE: My(m26) fiance(f24) is concerned about my dance partner, and I want to do my best to accommodate herThrowRA3837374 I went back and forth on writing this a few times, but it&#39;s been hard when I thought things were getting better, but we never ended up getting married. In my first post, my fianc&eacute; said she wanted to talk to me for some time, but was afraid of coming off wrong and feared it could &quot;ruin our relationship&quot;.  For context, we knew each other since high school and began dating after graduation. She said she felt guilty for not bringing it up before I proposed, but I told her there was nothing she had to be afraid of and that she didn&#39;t have to say anything before she was ready. But before getting into what she said, I&#39;ll add a bit more context  I joined a circus studio during college on the side that caught my attention with a background in dance, and I mostly specialize in handbalancing/partner acrobatics from a group class that they offered.  Our instructor would assign partners based on our skill level, and I had done some partner work in dance when I was younger.  Many of the partners in the class were mixed, and I was also assigned to work with a girl for an upcoming recital at the end of the course semester, a recital that my fianc&eacute; (Erin) was invited to (the first one that she attended).  Erin had also tried a free demo class after briefly expressing interest after watching us perform, but only that once as she said it &quot;wasn&#39;t for her&quot; and that she was only curious to try.  Her main hobby was cooking with one of her friends, and I supported her in the same way she supported me by joining them sometimes or even recording them for TikTok, and it was always a fun time.  However, when we talked, she said she was afraid of coming off jealous because she &quot;didn&#39;t know how to explain herself&quot;, but when she found the words, she said she was concerned about how closely we worked together as partner acrobats, specifically how we&#39;re holding/catapulting each other up in the air during balances/tricks along with the time we spent training together too.  She emphasized numerous times that she didn&#39;t want me to quit because it would lead to resentment, but that she was asked numerous times about if there was something going on between us from friends who saw my post of us performing along with her parents who asked about it too.  I told her that I appreciated her bringing it to my attention and that I, obviously, still love her too. But I also assured her that my relationship with my partner was strictly professional similar to actors/actresses who work together, but that if she wanted me to stop, I would (along with promising that we&#39;d never hang out socially outside of the studio after someone suggested that too).  That&#39;s when she said she didn&#39;t want me to quit, and in the comments, someone suggested having her meet my partner (she met her after the recital, but a more official meeting) and giving her an invitation to drop in on our training unannounced.  A few people also said that we were respectful of each other&#39;s feelings and trying our best to communicate too and that it should make for a strong marriage foundation. However, the past year has been almost impossible to get through at times, and I want to explain why. The update sparked new opinions:lelalubelle I am impressed by the emotional maturity you two are bringing to this. I did not see your original post but I can understand where she is coming from while also understanding that it would be a shame for you to give up something that you love.  I think the problem is our culture does not have a precedent for platonic male and female touching. Even at the Olympic level, it&#39;s always assumed that ice-skating partners are also sexual partners. Unfortunately it&#39;s hard to challenge gender norms on an individual basis.  Whatever bonding activity you two choose, it may make sense to select one that is grounded in physicality. My partner and I met swing dancing, and I wonder if some sort of partnered social dancing could be an option for you both. Or partners yoga or a martial art. Redd_81 Well done!! Both of you approached and resolved this situation in the best and most mature way possible. Honesty, communication, and willingness to find a compromise. People really should take note. Another user suggested some social dancing and I just want to second that this sounds like an excellent way to strengthen your bond. Best of luck moving forward. RaiseIreSetFires Yep give your act up now. She&#39;s just going to be more insecure/controlling once you put a ring on it. Amy14here You&#39;ve received great advice so all I&#39;ll do is appreciate both of you. You&#39;re a rare couple. Both of you have been extremely mature, understanding, open, considerate and kind. You were willing to make sacrifices for her and understood where she was coming from.  Despite her concerns, she loves you so much that she doesn&#39;t want you to give up your passion. It&#39;s a rare day on reddit when we see such a wholesome couple. The OP responded to all the posts from people trying to help and shared some promising and then upsetting new information:ThrowRA3837374 One of the best pieces of advice I received was to &quot;use the situation as a precedent for how male/female relationships would be handled in the future&quot; as a means to build trust going into our marriage, a better alternative than quitting which could lead to resentment.  So when we talked again, I offered to have her drop by unannounced as well as offering to have her meet my partner too. She said she didn&#39;t need to drop by and that she still felt guilty for bringing it up in the first place, but I told her that it would only make us stronger and that we could try a new hobby together too.  She said that she was open to it, and after my update post, I felt things were looking up. She came to one of our training sessions (my partner and I rent studio time to train together outside of group classes for specific choreography routines), and she met my partner formally and watched the entire session.  Afterward, she was open to the three of us grabbing lunch since they didn&#39;t get to talk much at the studio, and they seemed to hit it off well.  However, not long after, she told me that her parents created most of her doubts about my partner and I being &quot;together&quot; along with sending the video of our performance to her relatives to convince her that it &quot;looked like more going on between us&quot; when there wasn&#39;t.  This was the first that I learned about it (as her parents never brought their concern to me), but I told her that I didn&#39;t look at her differently because of her parents because I wasn&#39;t marrying them.  But she said she felt embarrassed and that her parents said some things that really hurt her along with spreading them to relatives too, and she was really emotional when she said all of this too.  In the aftermath of learning about my hobby/seeing the performance video, they told her that they wouldn&#39;t support our marriage anymore unless I quit... but she made sure to emphasize that her initial conversation was not about me quitting, but rather feeling &quot;insecure&quot; about herself/her body compared to my acro partner.  I told her I didn&#39;t care what her parents thought despite their threat to not attend/want their wedding funds back (that I&#39;d happily give so that we&#39;d owe nothing to them), but that I also understood how harsh they were being after they called her derogatory names (wh___ being one) in addition to spreading gossip to both relatives/church.  She had received calls/messages from all three sides, and they began to make her depressed too. I asked if she wanted to talk to someone about it, perhaps even together if that made it easier, but she said she wanted space &quot;not because of me&quot; but because of her parent&#39;s threats to not talk to her anymore on top of everything else.  I wanted to stay together with her through the process, but she insisted on doing it alone and just was really depressed. So, we took a break that I thought would be brief, but she&#39;s stopped responding almost entirely.  I even considered going over to see her after some time, but my dad said that that was a bad idea. On the bright side, Erin formally canceled with our wedding planner which honestly made my heart sink although I appreciate her doing it the right way instead of rushing into it.  Her parents were always fine with me up until the video (I guess), but refused to answer any calls/messages I gave them BEFORE Erin left (to talk to them together) and strictly stuck to gossiping about me (even offered to go over, but they texted Erin that I couldn&#39;t and to stop bugging them).  I&#39;ve been unwilling to practice acro much too, taking a break for a time as things have been tough, but my partner has been understanding and said she hopes I come back to class, and I&#39;m thinking about it to get active again.  After my first initial messages to Erin, I took breaks to give her space for a few weeks before trying again, but there has been no response.  My dad said it&#39;s tough for people to break away from their parents and make big decisions sometimes too (her parents also called me some derogatory names too in a 180 since the video, and they also threatened to post more sensitive things about her too if she didn&#39;t reconsider).  So, I&#39;m just trying to take things by each day, but if there&#39;s anything I&#39;ll ask for, it&#39;s how to move on and get active again because it&#39;s been tough and some days especially. Maybe going back to class would be a start, but I&#39;m just hoping to have the strength to do so soon because it&#39;s been hard to do much of late. This update again got thousands of responses:ListenM0rty I&rsquo;m sorry but your fianc&eacute; hasn&rsquo;t shown you an ounce of respect by ghosting you like this. It&rsquo;ll be hard to hear but it might be best to cut your losses and move on. You don&rsquo;t deserve to be treated this way. You need a partner who will support you and this isn&rsquo;t it. Continue doing what you enjoy, it definitely helps you move on. I wish for better things to come to you.  EducationalTangelo6 Those parents are f*cking monstrous. thievingwillow Me reading the first part: That&rsquo;s unfortunate. I&rsquo;ve seen it before with couples where one was an actor, or dancer, or pairs figure skater, and had a hard time explaining that the ways they were touching their opposite-gender counterpart were part of the performance, not an expression of desire. It&rsquo;s tough, and not for everyone.  Me reading the second part: I want to take her parents and throw them into the dampest, blackest, most vermin-infested oubliette I can find and then throw the key in the ocean. ZeroTicktacktoe What I can guess from your story is that your fiance had serious doubts about you and your partner. Probably she is holding that for a long time and her parents saying all the bad stuff put a lot more doubts in her head. I don&#39;t think she will have enough strength to cut her parents with so many doubts about you. lucyfell You lost nothing in the end OP, as much as you&#39;ll feel empty right now. Your ex wasn&#39;t a good person, and if you&#39;d ended up having kids with her it might have been way worse than this way. Good luck for the future, I hope you find someone who deserves you. Karyatids I feel so sad for them both because you know in 5,10,20 years from now she&rsquo;ll be married to someone her awful parents approve of, or alone, and she&rsquo;ll think about what a kind, caring and compassionate man she lost. This whole story was a wild ride. What would you advise to this would-be couple. Do you think it just wasn&#39;t meant to be or is there some way they could reconcile.

Most people associate the circus with family fun.  This story is an exception. One man struggled when his fiance was uncomfortable with the &#39;sexual&#39; nature of his performance art and addressed him about it. Then, her family found a...