While it is a frustrating premise, sometimes there are deep feelings that lie beneath a seemingly platonic relationship. One man was certain that his girlfriend had a few male friends with ulterior motives. While she rejected this premise, one of his preminitions turned out to be true. She was devastated but her boyfriend felt vindicated.
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now. My girlfriend has more than a few guy friends, and I'm not one of those guys that thinks men and women can't be friends.
However, with 2 of these guys, it's very clear that they want more than just friendship from her. Like clear as day to the point where I don't get how she doesn't see it.
If I can notice just by the weird energy they try to exude when I'm present, she should be able to get too right? Wrong. Any time I have pointed this out, she gets upset with me.
She tells me that I am being jealous and reading into things, that aren't there. I argue back that I'm just letting her know and as a guy, I can probably tell much better than she can since women tend to be a little slow regarding things like this.
So 2 nights ago night, she was hanging out with her friends and this guy was present. From what she told me, they were all drinking and he said some things that implied he'd want to be with her. She was made uncomfortable by this and the night ended shortly after.
Fast forward to yesterday morning. She got a series of texts apologizing for what he said, and then backpedaling and saying he would treat her so much better than me and she's wasting her time with me.
She of course said no and was upset with him. After she told me, I just read the texts and simply said, 'Wow who could've seen this coming' a bit sarcastically.
This set her off and she got mad. She said that I was being such a huge asshole to her and she had no way of seeing this coming. She's been pissed at me since.
I'm just letting her know and as a guy, I can probably tell much better than she can since women tend to be a little slow regarding things like this
Wow, as a woman this was extremely revelatory. Now I know that whenever I need to determine if something a man says to me is just a sincere, harmless compliment vs. him subtly hitting on me, I can just ask someone with a faster man brain to help me out. Yay! I learned something today! YTA
ETA - to all of the people below going 'but women do this to men too!' - I don't condone that either, nor does it make OP's above statement any less offensive.
Sweeping generalizations about gender are not effective tools when communicating with your partner about interpersonal issues. It's about as helpful as an 'I told ya so!' to your upset partner who just lost a friend when their trust was violated.
No, that's a double standard. Men CONSTANTLY hear from women that we're dense, never pick up hints, and don't recognize flirting, but the ONE TIME a man implies that women have the same trouble, it's misogynistic and he's sexist.
And don't even pretend y'all haven't heard this kind of language about men dozens of times. It stands out here because it's the opposite of the norm. Women are always allowed to criticize men as a whole, but a throwaway statement about men understanding other men better is sexist?
Get out of here with that. Unless you also speak up when a woman says the same thing about men, which again happens all the time.
Funny, (as a women myself) I read it as him saying that people from the same sex are better at decrypting that kind of thing from other from the same sex. Not as « I know better than you »
But he could have phrased it better and if he told that to his girlfriend she probably took it like you.
I don't think he meant 'I am smarter than you so I know this better than you', it comes off more along the lines of 'I'm a straight man so I'm more familiar with what this behavior from a straight man means'.
This sub is really trigger happy in jumping to sexist conclusions huh?
NTA but C'mon man, there was no need to gloat. She's probably also sad that someone she thought of as a friend disrespected her relationship and basically only wanted to hang around with her just to date her.
I was on your side until I read 'I can probably tell much better than she can since women tend to be a little slow regarding things like this.' And then I read more that showed you should have been supportive of her and not an AH towards her. So yes, YTA.
YTA So someone made your GF uncomfortable, overstepped boundaries, she did everything right, told him to get lost, and instead of comforting her and make sure she ist okay, you scold her? Are you insane? She lost a friend and was harassed, and you tell her she deserved it? Huge AH.