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'AITA for banning my SIL from my house until she uses the names of my twins?'

'AITA for banning my SIL from my house until she uses the names of my twins?'


When people ignore a request over and over again, they know what they're doing.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for banning her husband's sister from her house until she uses the names of her twins. She wrote:

"AITA for banning my husband's sister from my house until she uses the names of my twins?"

I (38f) am married with 2 children, twins Amy and Nina (6f). We live in the same town as most of his families in the house I inherited from my grandfather. It is the biggest house in the family so we often host family gatherings. My husband’s youngest sister Jane (31f) has been traveling for work ever since her early 20’s. Mid 2022 she moved in with her fiancé about half a hour drive away from us.

After that Jane shows up regularly at family gatherings and rebuilds relationships with her family members. The only thing she never bothers to do is address my daughters by their names. Amy and Nina are identical twins. I understand when people refer to them as “the twins” but I think it is important that their individuality is respected.

I always tell family and friends that now that they are 6 years old it is important for them to have their own identity and if possible please treat them as individual rather than a pair or a unit. My girls have different interests and hair/dressing styles so it is not hard to tell them apart. Jane always insists on calling the girls “the twins” and makes no effort to distinguish them.

I asked her many times to treat them as individuals, like her other nieces and nephews, and Jane would say OK and then keep doing the same thing. Last Christmas Amy made paper cranes and Nina painted flower pictures as their Christmas gifts to everyone in the family. They signed their names and individually handed the gift to everyone.

Jane’s fiancé had to work this year and did not join us so after brunch she video called him in the living room while the rest of us did our things nearby. Her fiancé saw the crane in her hand and asked where she got it and Jane said “Oh, one of the twins gave it to me for Christmas. The other twin drew some flowers.”

I felt that this was a disrespect as my girls put a lot of effort into the gifts and deserve to have their private dedication recognized. When everyone left, I told Jane I expected her to call my girls Amy and Nina from now on and to treat them like individual and know their differences. Jane said that she won’t bother as my girls are too young.

So I told her she is banned from my house until she learns how to address my girls by their names. Jane just stomped off. My husband agreed with me on this. A few days ago my MIL called to plan my husband’s birthday in early February. I told her we could have the party at my house like usual but Jane would not be invited.

My MIL was alarmed and asked why and when she learned of what happened she was mad at Jane. Jane called me a few hours ago calling me AH for making a big deal out of something insignificant. She said my girls would be known as the twins whether I like it or not and once they get older people WILL recognize them as individuals but not now when they’re young and “just another couple of girls.”

She said she deserves to be with her family for her brother’s birthday and I need to let it go. AITA?

People jumped on with all of their thoughts.

MommaGrammy wrote:

NTA. As the mother of identical twin girls (who are now adults), I was very intentional about clearly treating them as individuals while still enjoying the uniqueness of being twins. Creating an environment where they are treated as two separate humans, not a unit, is incredibly important. They have commented more than once how much they appreciated this growing up. Stick to your guns on this.

derpyhermit wrote:

NTA. Your girls deserve to be individuals and not have their identities smushed into a collective single. She is dehumanizing your babies by doing this. NTA Protect your babies. There is absolutely nothing wrong for with forcing someone to undergo the consequences of their actions. Hugs to you and your family. Give Nina and Amy forehead kisses from Reddit. 💜

RWAdvice wrote:

This is a strange hill for her to die on when she (I assume) can tell them apart and has no reason not to treat them like individuals. NTA Let her have her hill and don't worry about it.

FeistyIrishWench wrote:

NTA. They are not 6 months old. They are 6 years old. My 6 year old and the ones before her have all had their own ideas by then and did not like being misidentified. Mine are feral and had zero compunction about calling out assholes like Jane. Tell the girls they can call Jane "aunt jack", short for Jack A$$.

OP is NTA at all, she's simply standing up for her daughters.

Sources: Reddit
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