Kid on ATV tries to run over neighbors' pet; ends up inflicting punishment on himself.
Friend's little brother gets 'mailed!'
Way back in the day, circa 1986, my brother and I lived with our Mom, her new husband, and my stepbrother, out in the country. Where we lived, there was five things to do for fun: Hunting, fishing, football, swimming, and riding ATVs. If you didn't like doing any of those, well, you were SOL.
For my birthday that year, my Dad had given me a little German Shepard/St. Bernard mixed puppy. I named her Fluffy, because she was a little ball of fluff. What do you want, I was 10 years old. Fast-forward 6 months, and Fluffy was not quite so fluffy anymore...nor was she small. She was a fierce protector of my brother and I, and much beloved by us and our friends.
Our next-door neighbors had two boys: one my age, and one a few years younger. They also had a GIANT 4-wheeler, one of those big ones that you use for hunting in the back woods. Their younger son was a spoiled little a**hole, could do no wrong in his mother's eyes, and the rest of us kids absolutely HATED him.
His brother regularly got in trouble for not letting him tag along with us when we were playing. His parents would also let him ride the 4-wheeler around the 'neighborhood'...really, a couple of dirt roads that crossed each other. In any case, he was MUCH too young to be riding around on his own.
One fine day, we were all outside playing, and the little a**hole was riding around on the ATV. He was crossing back and forth through the yard in between our houses, and after a few back-and-forth passes, he saw Fluffy, who was laying in the sun.
He made a beeline for her with the ATV, narrowly missing running her over when she got up and dodged. Of course, all of us older kids started yelling at him. Of course, his mother, who was outside as well, yelled at us for yelling at her baby, spouting stuff like 'he's just playing, he didn't mean any harm, he wasn't really going to run her over', etc.
In the middle of the yelling match, he tried to run over her again. At this point, I had had beyond enough, so I took up my sword and advanced to do battle.
Yes, I said 'sword'. Don't get all upset, it was a plastic toy sword. At most it would have bruised him a little. I know, as I speak from experience. Anyway, he rode away, laughing at us, taunting that he was gonna 'get my stupid dog'. Unfortunately for him, he was NOT watching where he was going.
You ever see someone take a mailbox to the face? Well, if you haven't, my friends, I'm here to tell you that it was GLORIOUS! The mailbox, like most out in the country, was on a wooden post, and stuck out in front. While riding the ATV, he was at the perfect height for the ATV to pass underneath the mailbox unimpeded.
The ATV. Not him. He was at the perfect height to catch a face-full of mailbox, having turned to look where he was going when his Mom screamed at him to, well, 'look out where you're going!'
It also didn't help him that, in his effort to run away from us, he had that ATV running pretty much flat out. Ever watch Wyle E Coyote hit the tunnel while riding a rocket, and the rocket keeps on going through the tunnel while Wyle E Coyote stops in midair and falls? It was like that, but with more of a metallic twwwoooommmmp sound.
Little a**hole hits the mailbox, then hits the dirt. Of course, he starts crying like his very soul got knocked out of him. Of course, we are all dying laughing. Of course, his mother is beyond pissed. At us. For laughing at her baby's misfortune.
She was yelling at us, running over to her baby, while I yelled back at her that he got what he deserved for trying to run over my dog. She came over to the house later on, after my Mom had gotten home from work, to complain to her.
Having already heard the story from me, my brother, and my stepbrother, my Mom told her off about her kid being a spoiled little s**t who got what he deserved for trying to run over my dog, and if he tried it again she was going to call CPS.
To this day, whenever I'm having a bad day, the memory of him hitting that mailbox and landing flat on his back never fails to bring a smile to my face.
Here is what people had to say:
Self inflicted was the best part.
I'm glad your dog wasn't hurt, and I pity that brat's older brother for being saddled with such a coddled, spoiled little schmuck 24/7.
Gives 'you got mail.' A new meaning.
I worked briefly at the water department as a teen, and an old guy had just come back to work after a long medical leave. He had bought a motorcycle, and twenty seconds into his first ride, hit a stop sign with his face. A few days into us working together, I was working as a flagger, holding a stop sign on a small stick.
I called out his name, then ran at him with the stop sign into my hand, and pretended to get him in his face. Nobody got the joke. Not even the guy. My humor was wasted on those jug heads.
Perfect revenge without having to do anything.
'To this day, whenever I'm having a bad day, the memory of him hitting that mailbox and landing flat on his back never fails to bring a smile to my face.' I wasn't there and your description alone brings a smile to my face. Thank you for sharing, glad Fluffy was okay.
This was so much better than the image i had in my head. Weird fact you didn't hear in history class: people used to mail their children to their relatives because it was cheaper than a train ticket. Look up historical photos of children being mailed via usps. They exist.