life

<p>Weddings can bring family drama to the surface. And one bride is wondering if she has to forgive her dad for not only cheating on her mom, but starting a secret second family, so that he can walk her down the aisle. Yikes.</p><p>The bride <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mos97u/wibta_if_i_dont_let_my_dad_walk_me_down_the_aisle/">took to Reddit </a>to ask if she has to include her dad in the ceremony. She really doesn&#39;t want to, but her mom thinks she should. The mom has even forgiven the dad for his cheating! Here&#39;s their story.</p><h2>The bride didn&#39;t learn about the &quot;second family&quot; until she was 11:</h2><blockquote> <p>My dad (61M) cheated on my mom (60F) when I (27F) was very young but they kept the charade of a complete family until they told me my dad had a second family when I was around 11. I didn&#39;t have a problem with it at the time and my dad would still come home daily, but that gradually decreased over the years until he wasn&#39;t anymore.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Her dad opted to slow-fade out of the first family:</h2><blockquote> <p>Along with that was his financial support decreasing and it went to a complete stop when he was forced into quitting his employment in 2012. My dad and I were okay despite that, and when my brother (33M now) graduated, he stepped up to take majority of expenses.</p> </blockquote><h2>Things came to a head when her dad&#39;s mom got sick:</h2><blockquote> <p>In 2017, my grandma (dad&#39;s mom) got the big C and was confined. My mom took care of her as they did have a relationship prior and even after the cheating (she stays in our house when she drops by our city and we all love her). She passed away after about 3mos.</p> </blockquote><h2>Her dad actually asked her not to attend a day of the wake because his second family would be there:</h2><blockquote> <p>But during the 3rd day of the wake, my dad talked to us and asked if we can not show up the next day because the other family was gonna visit. I took the most offense in that. But fine, we didn&#39;t show up the next day. That was the start of my relationship with my dad going stale.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I would not talk to him or only answer in single words from then on. It was also the start of me recalling sad memories I have with him, such as times when I had to summarize what happened in my life when we talk, simply because he wasn&#39;t around to be there when those happened.</p> </blockquote><h2>This turned into a lot of issues:</h2><blockquote> <p>That spiraled into depression later on and my psychiatrist told me that I was feeling what I should have felt when I was a kid. Whenever he would drop by our house to visit, all kinds of pain manifested and I would leave the house to &quot;escape&quot;. I even had SI because an accident sounded better than being in the same space as him.</p> </blockquote><h2>It&#39;s even affected her relationship with her fianc&eacute;:</h2><blockquote> <p>I also had a hard time trusting any potential partners, and even my fiance, to date, has to deal with my trust issues that all rooted in him cheating. I&#39;ve never talked to him or spoke of him since then, and my depression is way way better than before. Last year, I may have started to forgive him though I&#39;m not sure if it&#39;s also just because I don&#39;t see him due to the pandemic.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>She wasn&#39;t even going to invite her dad to the wedding, but her mom insisted:</h2><blockquote> <p>Now, I&#39;m getting married soon and I do not want to invite him, but I also realized that I may regret it later on looking back. So fine, I decided that I would, but now my mom is insisting that he should be the one walking me down the aisle, which I am very much against.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>She insists that it&#39;s the right thing to do and that my dad and I were still very close prior to my grandma&#39;s passing. (My mom has long forgiven him for what he has done, so it&#39;s not like she&#39;s being a martyr, more like she wants the best for me)</p> </blockquote><h2>She&#39;s wondering if she&#39;s allowed to veto the plan:</h2><blockquote> <p>My fiance and I are shouldering most of the expenses but some of our relatives chipping in a little, including my mom, so I&#39;m not sure if I WBTA if I decide not to have my dad walk me down the aisle. Thoughts?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The people of Reddit agree she&#39;s under absolutely no obligation to include her dog of a dad.</h2><p>notAgirl77 says:</p><blockquote> <p>Your wedding, your rules.</p> <p>Even if your relatives are chipping in, that doesn&rsquo;t mean that they get to call the shots.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Ask them, are they contributing to your wedding so that you and your partner can have a perfect day, or so they can get what they want?</p> </blockquote><p>ShakeSlow says:</p><blockquote> <p>Just because you wouldn&#39;t have existed without him does not mean he is entitled to anything. He&#39;s a sperm donor. He didn&#39;t carve you out of wood. Your mother may have forgiven him, but that doesn&#39;t mean you have to. I&#39;d recommend it, but that doesn&#39;t mean you have to pretend nothing happened. There&#39;s a difference between forgiving and forgetting.</p> </blockquote><p>AeroNic1967 says:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Your wedding, your choice. Dont let anyone pressurise you into something you&#39;re not comfortable with. You want this to be a happy memory so dont jeopardise it to make others happy.</p> </blockquote><p>lincmidd thinks it&#39;s too late for him to assume the dad role:</p><blockquote> <p>our mom can forgive him but he wronged you to and you do not have to forgive. Frankly, it seems very forgiving to simply invite him. Why would you want him to take a fatherly role now at your wedding when he has for so long choose not to.</p> </blockquote><p>And serenityrabbit really sums it up:</p><blockquote> <p>The &quot;right thing to do&quot; is everything he didn&#39;t do. Don&#39;t let them pressure you into letting him take part in something that&#39;s supposed to be for you.</p> </blockquote><h2>So there you have it. Your wedding, your rules &mdash; especially when your parent was this awful!</h2><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Bride asks if she's wrong to not let cheating dad walk her down the aisle.

Weddings can bring family drama to the surface. And one bride is wondering if she has to forgive her dad for not only cheating on her mom, but starting a secret second family, so that he can walk her down the aisle. Yikes.The bride took to Reddit to ask if she has to include her dad in the ceremony. She really doesn&#39;t want to, but her mom thinks she should. The mom has even forgiven the dad for his cheating! Here&#39;s their story.The bride didn&#39;t learn about the &quot;second family&quot; until she was 11: My dad (61M) cheated on my mom (60F) when I (27F) was very young but they kept the charade of a complete family until they told me my dad had a second family when I was around 11. I didn&#39;t have a problem with it at the time and my dad would still come home daily, but that gradually decreased over the years until he wasn&#39;t anymore. Her dad opted to slow-fade out of the first family: Along with that was his financial support decreasing and it went to a complete stop when he was forced into quitting his employment in 2012. My dad and I were okay despite that, and when my brother (33M now) graduated, he stepped up to take majority of expenses. Things came to a head when her dad&#39;s mom got sick: In 2017, my grandma (dad&#39;s mom) got the big C and was confined. My mom took care of her as they did have a relationship prior and even after the cheating (she stays in our house when she drops by our city and we all love her). She passed away after about 3mos. Her dad actually asked her not to attend a day of the wake because his second family would be there: But during the 3rd day of the wake, my dad talked to us and asked if we can not show up the next day because the other family was gonna visit. I took the most offense in that. But fine, we didn&#39;t show up the next day. That was the start of my relationship with my dad going stale.  I would not talk to him or only answer in single words from then on. It was also the start of me recalling sad memories I have with him, such as times when I had to summarize what happened in my life when we talk, simply because he wasn&#39;t around to be there when those happened. This turned into a lot of issues: That spiraled into depression later on and my psychiatrist told me that I was feeling what I should have felt when I was a kid. Whenever he would drop by our house to visit, all kinds of pain manifested and I would leave the house to &quot;escape&quot;. I even had SI because an accident sounded better than being in the same space as him. It&#39;s even affected her relationship with her fianc&eacute;: I also had a hard time trusting any potential partners, and even my fiance, to date, has to deal with my trust issues that all rooted in him cheating. I&#39;ve never talked to him or spoke of him since then, and my depression is way way better than before. Last year, I may have started to forgive him though I&#39;m not sure if it&#39;s also just because I don&#39;t see him due to the pandemic. She wasn&#39;t even going to invite her dad to the wedding, but her mom insisted: Now, I&#39;m getting married soon and I do not want to invite him, but I also realized that I may regret it later on looking back. So fine, I decided that I would, but now my mom is insisting that he should be the one walking me down the aisle, which I am very much against.  She insists that it&#39;s the right thing to do and that my dad and I were still very close prior to my grandma&#39;s passing. (My mom has long forgiven him for what he has done, so it&#39;s not like she&#39;s being a martyr, more like she wants the best for me) She&#39;s wondering if she&#39;s allowed to veto the plan: My fiance and I are shouldering most of the expenses but some of our relatives chipping in a little, including my mom, so I&#39;m not sure if I WBTA if I decide not to have my dad walk me down the aisle. Thoughts? The people of Reddit agree she&#39;s under absolutely no obligation to include her dog of a dad.notAgirl77 says: Your wedding, your rules. Even if your relatives are chipping in, that doesn&rsquo;t mean that they get to call the shots.  Ask them, are they contributing to your wedding so that you and your partner can have a perfect day, or so they can get what they want? ShakeSlow says: Just because you wouldn&#39;t have existed without him does not mean he is entitled to anything. He&#39;s a sperm donor. He didn&#39;t carve you out of wood. Your mother may have forgiven him, but that doesn&#39;t mean you have to. I&#39;d recommend it, but that doesn&#39;t mean you have to pretend nothing happened. There&#39;s a difference between forgiving and forgetting. AeroNic1967 says: Your wedding, your choice. Dont let anyone pressurise you into something you&#39;re not comfortable with. You want this to be a happy memory so dont jeopardise it to make others happy. lincmidd thinks it&#39;s too late for him to assume the dad role: our mom can forgive him but he wronged you to and you do not have to forgive. Frankly, it seems very forgiving to simply invite him. Why would you want him to take a fatherly role now at your wedding when he has for so long choose not to. And serenityrabbit really sums it up: The &quot;right thing to do&quot; is everything he didn&#39;t do. Don&#39;t let them pressure you into letting him take part in something that&#39;s supposed to be for you. So there you have it. Your wedding, your rules &mdash; especially when your parent was this awful!

Weddings can bring family drama to the surface. And one bride is wondering if she has to forgive her dad for not only cheating on her mom, but starting a secret second family, so that he can walk her down the aisle. Yikes.  The bride took...