life

<p>Let&#39;s be real: dads don&#39;t have much of a role in the birthing process beyond support. But does that mean they should feel free to come and go as they please?</p><p>That&#39;s<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6tzwu/aita_for_not_staying_overnight_with_my_wife_in/"> the question Reddit users are grappling with </a>right now after a dad asked for advice about a 20-year-old grudge his wife is apparently holding against him.</p><p>He opens his post with the subject line, &quot;[Am I the a-hole] for not staying overnight with my wife in the hospital?&quot; and an anecdote about his own wife&#39;s family:</p><blockquote> <p>My wife comes from a large family and for the most part they are incredible. However, one of their quirks is they feel that if one of them is in the hospital someone HAS to be there, ALL THE TIME. I learned about this when my mother-in-law had knee surgery and my wife and her siblings were making a schedule of who would be there every minute of the day. I told my wife I thought it was odd but she thought I was crazy for NOT thinking someone should be there all of the time.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Hmmm, this has nothing to do with staying overnight when your child is born but okay. He continues:</h2><blockquote> <p>The other day my wife asked what our plan was for this weekend. She said she wanted to go to the local Christmas parade Saturday morning but was afraid that we wouldn&#39;t be able to go. I told her it shouldn&#39;t be a problem and I assured her that my mother would be ok if we didn&#39;t visit her until afternoon and joked not everybody was as odd as her family.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>That&#39;s when it all came out. Apparently my wife is still a little salty that I didn&#39;t stay in the hospital with her when our first child was born!</p> </blockquote><h2>You have to love how surprised he is. Now the birth story comes out:</h2><blockquote> <p>In early February, 2000, my wife was pregnant and two weeks passed due. Her doctor scheduled her to be induced and we were supposed to be at the hospital at 630 AM. Of course, neither of us could fall asleep the night before until almost just before we had to get up. At eight that night, with no signs of our daughter coming,the Dr decided to call it a night and start again in the morning.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>At the end of a very long day, with both of us working on less than 3 hours of sleep, we were both completely exhausted. I sat with my wife until we both dozed off and woke her and told her I was going to go home and get some sleep.</p> </blockquote><h2>Okay, so he went home before the baby even came, so he definitely stayed after the birth, right? Nope:</h2><blockquote> <p>The next morning I was back at the hospital before 7 AM, at 8 they started trying to induce her again. Eventually the Dr decided to perform a c-section. I was in the OR with my wife during the birth and we spent that evening with our newborn. After midnight I kissed them goodnight and went home to sleep.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I returned the next morning and spent most of next day at the hospital with my wife and daughter entertaining visitors. I did leave when my mother-in law was there for a few hours to get some lunch and decompress. That night I left after everyone was asleep to make sure the house was ready and returned the next morning to take my wife and daughter home.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Bad move, pal.</h2><blockquote> <p>Apparently, the fact that I left to sleep was an issue. My wife never said anything to me then, but it bothered her for years. It wasn&#39;t until we talked about their schedule for her mom&#39;s surgery that she realized 1.not everyone expected someone to be there in the hospital with them 24/7 and 2.I had no idea she was expecting me to stay the night.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I don&#39;t think I did anything wrong but it does bother me that I may have caused my wife pain so I have to ask, twenty years ago, was I the asshole?</p> </blockquote><h2>Reddit is pretty united on the fact that he messed up.</h2><p>Sleeping on a terrible hospital cot is a dad rite of passage, says <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6tzwu/aita_for_not_staying_overnight_with_my_wife_in/f9t62n1/">virtual_biscuit</a>:</p><blockquote> <p>Bro, I&rsquo;ve slept on those uncomfortable-ass hospital reclining contraptions as has every other red-blooded husband with a pregnant wife. I can empathize with you on that. Let&rsquo;s recap your story: You WOKE UP your exhausted, overdue wife and TOLD her you were going home to get some sleep b/c this was all just too much for YOU.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Going home to sleep when you&rsquo;re exhausted does not make you an asshole. However, given the circumstances and how you went about doing that-</p> <p>100% [you&#39;re the a-hole]</p> </blockquote><p>And as <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6tzwu/aita_for_not_staying_overnight_with_my_wife_in/f9tafab/">chipsnsalsa123</a> points out, this has nothing to do with his wife&#39;s family&#39;s &quot;weird&quot; tendency to never leave anyone alone in the hospital:</p><blockquote> <p>this wasn&rsquo;t just any hospital stay. This was the birth of your child!</p> <p>I know how awful those stupid couches are. I slept on one for 4 days after I gave birth to my son because I didn&rsquo;t want to leave him in the NICU.</p> <p>I feel so bad for your poor wife. I would have ripped my husband a new asshole if he left like that.</p> </blockquote><p>Some also find it wild that the husband allotted himself time off to &quot;decompress&quot; from the stress of.... his wife having a baby.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Not to mention you left for several hours to decompress. Did it at any point occur to you that your wife didn&#39;t have that option and she was the one actually having a freaking baby? - <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6tzwu/aita_for_not_staying_overnight_with_my_wife_in/f9tfcbw/">mightymightygreenslo</a></p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6tzwu/aita_for_not_staying_overnight_with_my_wife_in/f9t56f4/">Ninjapajamas23</a> didn&#39;t hold back:</p><blockquote> <p>You think you were tired? How about your wife who also didn&#39;t get any sleep and was in labor with YOUR CHILD that needed the support of her husband? If they had to induce her again, she was in labor for 2 days? Being induced is no joke and is so taxing and tiring. Not to mention the delivery.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Then you left AGAIN? After she was in labor for 2 days then had a C-SECTION... to get sleep for YOURSELF? You should have taken care of your child that night while your wife recovered from her 2 day labor and major surgery.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6tzwu/aita_for_not_staying_overnight_with_my_wife_in/f9tjhv0/">felicionem</a> pointed out that this was a risky birth and he could&#39;ve missed it by going home &mdash; or worse.</p><blockquote> <p>The labor thing really bothers me. She was in lots of pain, completely uncomfortable, emotionally and physically exhausted and OP told her &quot;this is not that comfy I&#39;m going home to get a good night sleep call me once our daughter is born bye&quot;. He could have easily missed the birth of his child! All for a better nights sleep? I would never risk missing it if I had a wife in labor!</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>What if something had gone wrong and his wife had lost consciousness? He should have been there to make the important medical decisions about his wife and child! Or just to get her water.</p> </blockquote><p>She probably needed his help:</p><blockquote> <p>It&#39;s highly unlikely she slept through the night, she would have had to wait for a nurse to be able to bring her water, food, extra blankets. She would have woken up in pain and alone, all for him to get a nice rest. And then she would have had to look after her baby alone after recovering from major surgery or allow a nurse to do it. Instead of one of her parents who is meant to do actually be involved with looking after his own freaking daughter.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>And now he&#39;s trying to get validation from strangers that his then in-pain, miserable, poor wife is a total asshole for expecting him to sacrifice a couple days of luxurious sleep so he didn&#39;t miss the birth of his baby and look after her at probably her most vulnerable state?? He&#39;s TA even more.</p> </blockquote><h2>So there you have it. Fellas, don&#39;t leave your laboring wife in the hospital overnight, and don&#39;t bounce after the kid&#39;s born either!</h2><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Dad asks if he was wrong for going home to sleep before and after wife gave birth.

Let&#39;s be real: dads don&#39;t have much of a role in the birthing process beyond support. But does that mean they should feel free to come and go as they please?That&#39;s the question Reddit users are grappling with right now after a dad asked for advice about a 20-year-old grudge his wife is apparently holding against him.He opens his post with the subject line, &quot;[Am I the a-hole] for not staying overnight with my wife in the hospital?&quot; and an anecdote about his own wife&#39;s family: My wife comes from a large family and for the most part they are incredible. However, one of their quirks is they feel that if one of them is in the hospital someone HAS to be there, ALL THE TIME. I learned about this when my mother-in-law had knee surgery and my wife and her siblings were making a schedule of who would be there every minute of the day. I told my wife I thought it was odd but she thought I was crazy for NOT thinking someone should be there all of the time. Hmmm, this has nothing to do with staying overnight when your child is born but okay. He continues: The other day my wife asked what our plan was for this weekend. She said she wanted to go to the local Christmas parade Saturday morning but was afraid that we wouldn&#39;t be able to go. I told her it shouldn&#39;t be a problem and I assured her that my mother would be ok if we didn&#39;t visit her until afternoon and joked not everybody was as odd as her family.  That&#39;s when it all came out. Apparently my wife is still a little salty that I didn&#39;t stay in the hospital with her when our first child was born! You have to love how surprised he is. Now the birth story comes out: In early February, 2000, my wife was pregnant and two weeks passed due. Her doctor scheduled her to be induced and we were supposed to be at the hospital at 630 AM. Of course, neither of us could fall asleep the night before until almost just before we had to get up. At eight that night, with no signs of our daughter coming,the Dr decided to call it a night and start again in the morning.  At the end of a very long day, with both of us working on less than 3 hours of sleep, we were both completely exhausted. I sat with my wife until we both dozed off and woke her and told her I was going to go home and get some sleep. Okay, so he went home before the baby even came, so he definitely stayed after the birth, right? Nope: The next morning I was back at the hospital before 7 AM, at 8 they started trying to induce her again. Eventually the Dr decided to perform a c-section. I was in the OR with my wife during the birth and we spent that evening with our newborn. After midnight I kissed them goodnight and went home to sleep.  I returned the next morning and spent most of next day at the hospital with my wife and daughter entertaining visitors. I did leave when my mother-in law was there for a few hours to get some lunch and decompress. That night I left after everyone was asleep to make sure the house was ready and returned the next morning to take my wife and daughter home. Bad move, pal. Apparently, the fact that I left to sleep was an issue. My wife never said anything to me then, but it bothered her for years. It wasn&#39;t until we talked about their schedule for her mom&#39;s surgery that she realized 1.not everyone expected someone to be there in the hospital with them 24/7 and 2.I had no idea she was expecting me to stay the night.  I don&#39;t think I did anything wrong but it does bother me that I may have caused my wife pain so I have to ask, twenty years ago, was I the asshole? Reddit is pretty united on the fact that he messed up.Sleeping on a terrible hospital cot is a dad rite of passage, says virtual_biscuit: Bro, I&rsquo;ve slept on those uncomfortable-ass hospital reclining contraptions as has every other red-blooded husband with a pregnant wife. I can empathize with you on that. Let&rsquo;s recap your story: You WOKE UP your exhausted, overdue wife and TOLD her you were going home to get some sleep b/c this was all just too much for YOU.  Going home to sleep when you&rsquo;re exhausted does not make you an asshole. However, given the circumstances and how you went about doing that- 100% [you&#39;re the a-hole] And as chipsnsalsa123 points out, this has nothing to do with his wife&#39;s family&#39;s &quot;weird&quot; tendency to never leave anyone alone in the hospital: this wasn&rsquo;t just any hospital stay. This was the birth of your child! I know how awful those stupid couches are. I slept on one for 4 days after I gave birth to my son because I didn&rsquo;t want to leave him in the NICU. I feel so bad for your poor wife. I would have ripped my husband a new asshole if he left like that. Some also find it wild that the husband allotted himself time off to &quot;decompress&quot; from the stress of.... his wife having a baby. Not to mention you left for several hours to decompress. Did it at any point occur to you that your wife didn&#39;t have that option and she was the one actually having a freaking baby? - mightymightygreenslo Ninjapajamas23 didn&#39;t hold back: You think you were tired? How about your wife who also didn&#39;t get any sleep and was in labor with YOUR CHILD that needed the support of her husband? If they had to induce her again, she was in labor for 2 days? Being induced is no joke and is so taxing and tiring. Not to mention the delivery.  Then you left AGAIN? After she was in labor for 2 days then had a C-SECTION... to get sleep for YOURSELF? You should have taken care of your child that night while your wife recovered from her 2 day labor and major surgery. And felicionem pointed out that this was a risky birth and he could&#39;ve missed it by going home &mdash; or worse. The labor thing really bothers me. She was in lots of pain, completely uncomfortable, emotionally and physically exhausted and OP told her &quot;this is not that comfy I&#39;m going home to get a good night sleep call me once our daughter is born bye&quot;. He could have easily missed the birth of his child! All for a better nights sleep? I would never risk missing it if I had a wife in labor!  What if something had gone wrong and his wife had lost consciousness? He should have been there to make the important medical decisions about his wife and child! Or just to get her water. She probably needed his help: It&#39;s highly unlikely she slept through the night, she would have had to wait for a nurse to be able to bring her water, food, extra blankets. She would have woken up in pain and alone, all for him to get a nice rest. And then she would have had to look after her baby alone after recovering from major surgery or allow a nurse to do it. Instead of one of her parents who is meant to do actually be involved with looking after his own freaking daughter.  And now he&#39;s trying to get validation from strangers that his then in-pain, miserable, poor wife is a total asshole for expecting him to sacrifice a couple days of luxurious sleep so he didn&#39;t miss the birth of his baby and look after her at probably her most vulnerable state?? He&#39;s TA even more. So there you have it. Fellas, don&#39;t leave your laboring wife in the hospital overnight, and don&#39;t bounce after the kid&#39;s born either!

Let&#39;s be real: dads don&#39;t have much of a role in the birthing process beyond support. But does that mean they should feel free to come and go as they please?  That&#39;s the question Reddit users are grappling with right now after...