life

<p>Weddings can be a minefield, and so can coming out &mdash; especially if your family contains bigoted people. Combine the two, and you&#39;ve got a really tough situation.</p><p>A Reddit user asked for advice in this situation. He&#39;s getting married, and his brother who&#39;s gay wants to bring his boyfriend to the wedding. The groom and his parents love and accept his brother. But their extended family might not.</p><h2>Their extended family has no idea he&#39;s gay &mdash; and they might make a scene when they find out.</h2><p>As the groom says in his post:</p><blockquote> <p>Ok this is the worst. I&rsquo;m losing sleep over this. [...]</p> <p>My brother is gay, but my family doesn&rsquo;t know, only me and my parents know. I come from a very old school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century&rsquo;s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/sibilings are open minded, and are living in the present.</p> <p>So my brother has been dating his bf for 6 months now, the dude is great, I&rsquo;m so happy my brother found a great guy. But it&rsquo;s kind of a secret, as he hasn&rsquo;t told my family he is gay.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>The groom has been encouraging his brother to come out for years, but he hasn&#39;t yet (which is fine &mdash; it&#39;s his choice when he does or doesn&#39;t come out).</p><h2>Only now, the brother wants to bring his new boo to the wedding:</h2><blockquote> <p>I was not expecting that to be honest. So he went from 0 to 100 pretty fast.</p> <p>If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don&rsquo;t think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and bullshit that would happen. And I don&rsquo;t want to get the attention away from my fianc&eacute;e, that&rsquo;s her day. And I dont wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it&rsquo;s a pretty good reason</p> </blockquote><p>The groom asked his brother why he wants to effectively come out at the wedding, and the brother said it&#39;s &quot;because he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most, me and his boyfriend.&quot; Oof.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>&quot;This is killing me,&quot; the groom writes. &quot;I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can&rsquo;t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future.&quot;</p><h2>He asked the brother to come alone, and after leaving his house crying, the brother agreed &mdash; but clearly wasn&#39;t happy about it.</h2><blockquote> <p>With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me. He started crying and left my house without saying anything.</p> <p>Next day I got a text and he said &ldquo; dont worry, going alone&rdquo;. I tried calling him but he didnt answer me, and my parents don&rsquo;t seem to know what&rsquo;s happening because they didn&rsquo;t say anything.</p> <p>He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>&quot;This is the worst situation of my life,&quot; he writes, &quot;am I the asshole for handling it the way I did?&quot;</h2><p>He also added that his fianc&eacute;e is in agreement with him, and clarified that no matter what the people of the internet say, his point is not that his brother&#39;s in the wrong. It&#39;s just that he feels he&#39;s in an impossible position.</p><blockquote> <p>I know it won&rsquo;t be my brother that would cause trouble. The trouble would start with remarks and looks from some aunt/uncle. Doesn&rsquo;t matter, we are spending a lot of money on this wedding, planned it for a long time, my fiancee put her heart and soul into planning this wedding.I don&rsquo;t want to see my bride or mom crying, or some idiot uncle insulting my brother. Literally every other day of my life I will support my brother&rsquo;s decision to come out. Even at the wedding, I would obviously defend him. But the point is, NOT AT THE WEDDING. Also, MY BROTHER IS NOT THE ASSHOLE. Not at all.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>So what do the people of the internet think?</h2><p>They mostly agree that the groom is not the a-hole for asking his brother to come alone.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exbewwz/">FlamingCabbage91</a> totally gets where the groom is coming from:</p><blockquote> <p>God I&#39;m queer and I gotta say, a sibs wedding would NOT be the place to trot out that bit of my life. Its your wedding its your day.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exbq6cs/">HarperValleyPTA</a> agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>Almost all wedding etiquette comes down to &ldquo;don&rsquo;t upstage the couple&rdquo;. It&rsquo;s too bad there isn&rsquo;t more time, because if he was actually able to come out beforehand, bringing his boyfriend to the wedding would have been fine. People will still talk, but it wouldn&rsquo;t stop the show.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exbqsh9/">MrProspero</a> makes a good point for why his brother might have suggested this in the first place:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>It sounds like your brother really values your protection and support about this issue. I wonder if part of why he is having this admittedly bad idea is because he feels that if he comes out on &quot;your&quot; turf, and you show support for him, it will protect him and make letting the broader family know easier.</p> <p>Maybe you could suggest hosting a party or event soon where he could bring his boyfriend to? That way he gets to feel supported and protected by you, but not take up your and your fiancee&#39;s wedding day.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exc27fp/">Izzgo</a>, too:</p><blockquote> <p>Lesbian here, and I agree. Any wedding other than your own is NOT the place to come out.</p> <p>I suspect the gay brother figures that coming out at the wedding would 1) let him come out to the whole family all at once and 2) be so overshadowed by the wedding that people would hardly notice. Number 1 would happen, but not number 2. Instead, his coming out would become the centerpiece of the day.</p> <p>OP tell your brother exactly this. And that you would have his back coming out any time and place AFTER your wedding (since it&#39;s so soon now.)</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Others, like <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exblme9/">AndrewWaldon</a>, condemned the brother more strongly:</p><blockquote> <p>Your wedding, the day your wife has been dreaming of her whole life, is NOT the time for your closeted brother to come out.</p> <p>It will be THE event of the wedding. Not your vows, not the walk, nor the cake, but rather it will be all the drama it causes.</p> <p>Your brother is an a**hole if he pushes this.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exbv9n1/">TXperson</a> equated it to getting engaged or announcing a pregnancy at someone else&#39;s wedding. That seems a bit different, but here are their thoughts:</p><blockquote> <p>Tbh it&rsquo;s so f*cking rude to use someone&rsquo;s special event for yourself. It&rsquo;s kind of the equivalent of someone getting engaged or announcing a pregnancy at your wedding. It&rsquo;s different from holidays bc those are &ldquo;family&rdquo; events and a wedding is a special day for the two people getting married and everyone else is just a spectator. If he were to come out then, it would shift focus from y&rsquo;all to him and that&rsquo;s an asshole thing to do. I&rsquo;m happy you accept your brother but he was definitely an a**hole for deciding this without consulting you. NTA, and I say this as a gay man</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cs0bfh/aita_for_asking_my_brother_not_to_bring_his/exbjk7c/">whyamisoawesome9</a> suggested a compromise:</p><blockquote> <p>Invite the boyfriend to the family brunch the next day.</p> <p>Don&#39;t let it overshadow your day, which is what you have done. The next morning still allows that wedding / good fam vibes thing, but the pictures are done</p> </blockquote><h2>Hopefully, this family will figure everything out before the wedding day.</h2><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if he's wrong for telling his brother not to come out of the closet at his wedding.

Weddings can be a minefield, and so can coming out &mdash; especially if your family contains bigoted people. Combine the two, and you&#39;ve got a really tough situation.A Reddit user asked for advice in this situation. He&#39;s getting married, and his brother who&#39;s gay wants to bring his boyfriend to the wedding. The groom and his parents love and accept his brother. But their extended family might not.Their extended family has no idea he&#39;s gay &mdash; and they might make a scene when they find out.As the groom says in his post: Ok this is the worst. I&rsquo;m losing sleep over this. [...] My brother is gay, but my family doesn&rsquo;t know, only me and my parents know. I come from a very old school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century&rsquo;s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/sibilings are open minded, and are living in the present. So my brother has been dating his bf for 6 months now, the dude is great, I&rsquo;m so happy my brother found a great guy. But it&rsquo;s kind of a secret, as he hasn&rsquo;t told my family he is gay. The groom has been encouraging his brother to come out for years, but he hasn&#39;t yet (which is fine &mdash; it&#39;s his choice when he does or doesn&#39;t come out).Only now, the brother wants to bring his new boo to the wedding: I was not expecting that to be honest. So he went from 0 to 100 pretty fast. If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don&rsquo;t think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and bullshit that would happen. And I don&rsquo;t want to get the attention away from my fianc&eacute;e, that&rsquo;s her day. And I dont wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it&rsquo;s a pretty good reason The groom asked his brother why he wants to effectively come out at the wedding, and the brother said it&#39;s &quot;because he wants to celebrate love with the 2 people he loves the most, me and his boyfriend.&quot; Oof.&quot;This is killing me,&quot; the groom writes. &quot;I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can&rsquo;t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future.&quot;He asked the brother to come alone, and after leaving his house crying, the brother agreed &mdash; but clearly wasn&#39;t happy about it. With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me. He started crying and left my house without saying anything. Next day I got a text and he said &ldquo; dont worry, going alone&rdquo;. I tried calling him but he didnt answer me, and my parents don&rsquo;t seem to know what&rsquo;s happening because they didn&rsquo;t say anything. He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us &quot;This is the worst situation of my life,&quot; he writes, &quot;am I the asshole for handling it the way I did?&quot;He also added that his fianc&eacute;e is in agreement with him, and clarified that no matter what the people of the internet say, his point is not that his brother&#39;s in the wrong. It&#39;s just that he feels he&#39;s in an impossible position. I know it won&rsquo;t be my brother that would cause trouble. The trouble would start with remarks and looks from some aunt/uncle. Doesn&rsquo;t matter, we are spending a lot of money on this wedding, planned it for a long time, my fiancee put her heart and soul into planning this wedding.I don&rsquo;t want to see my bride or mom crying, or some idiot uncle insulting my brother. Literally every other day of my life I will support my brother&rsquo;s decision to come out. Even at the wedding, I would obviously defend him. But the point is, NOT AT THE WEDDING. Also, MY BROTHER IS NOT THE ASSHOLE. Not at all. So what do the people of the internet think?They mostly agree that the groom is not the a-hole for asking his brother to come alone.FlamingCabbage91 totally gets where the groom is coming from: God I&#39;m queer and I gotta say, a sibs wedding would NOT be the place to trot out that bit of my life. Its your wedding its your day. HarperValleyPTA agrees: Almost all wedding etiquette comes down to &ldquo;don&rsquo;t upstage the couple&rdquo;. It&rsquo;s too bad there isn&rsquo;t more time, because if he was actually able to come out beforehand, bringing his boyfriend to the wedding would have been fine. People will still talk, but it wouldn&rsquo;t stop the show. MrProspero makes a good point for why his brother might have suggested this in the first place: It sounds like your brother really values your protection and support about this issue. I wonder if part of why he is having this admittedly bad idea is because he feels that if he comes out on &quot;your&quot; turf, and you show support for him, it will protect him and make letting the broader family know easier. Maybe you could suggest hosting a party or event soon where he could bring his boyfriend to? That way he gets to feel supported and protected by you, but not take up your and your fiancee&#39;s wedding day. Izzgo, too: Lesbian here, and I agree. Any wedding other than your own is NOT the place to come out. I suspect the gay brother figures that coming out at the wedding would 1) let him come out to the whole family all at once and 2) be so overshadowed by the wedding that people would hardly notice. Number 1 would happen, but not number 2. Instead, his coming out would become the centerpiece of the day. OP tell your brother exactly this. And that you would have his back coming out any time and place AFTER your wedding (since it&#39;s so soon now.) Others, like AndrewWaldon, condemned the brother more strongly: Your wedding, the day your wife has been dreaming of her whole life, is NOT the time for your closeted brother to come out. It will be THE event of the wedding. Not your vows, not the walk, nor the cake, but rather it will be all the drama it causes. Your brother is an a**hole if he pushes this. TXperson equated it to getting engaged or announcing a pregnancy at someone else&#39;s wedding. That seems a bit different, but here are their thoughts: Tbh it&rsquo;s so f*cking rude to use someone&rsquo;s special event for yourself. It&rsquo;s kind of the equivalent of someone getting engaged or announcing a pregnancy at your wedding. It&rsquo;s different from holidays bc those are &ldquo;family&rdquo; events and a wedding is a special day for the two people getting married and everyone else is just a spectator. If he were to come out then, it would shift focus from y&rsquo;all to him and that&rsquo;s an asshole thing to do. I&rsquo;m happy you accept your brother but he was definitely an a**hole for deciding this without consulting you. NTA, and I say this as a gay man And whyamisoawesome9 suggested a compromise: Invite the boyfriend to the family brunch the next day. Don&#39;t let it overshadow your day, which is what you have done. The next morning still allows that wedding / good fam vibes thing, but the pictures are done Hopefully, this family will figure everything out before the wedding day.

Weddings can be a minefield, and so can coming out &mdash; especially if your family contains bigoted people. Combine the two, and you&#39;ve got a really tough situation.  A Reddit user asked for advice in this situation. He&#39;s getting...