life

<p>If you have a good relationship with your grandparents, it&#39;s understandable to want them at your wedding. But what if they&#39;ve made it clear that they don&#39;t support their gay grandchildren &mdash; your cousins?</p><p>A man recently <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nez42p/aita_for_being_homophobic_by_inviting_my/">took to Reddit</a> to ask for advice in this very situation. He wants his grandparents at his wedding &mdash; but his cousins who are gay think it&#39;s wrong, because the grandparents skipped <em>their</em> weddings. Now he&#39;s asking if he&#39;s in the wrong.</p><h2>The man specifies that his two older cousins are gay:</h2><blockquote> <p>I (21m) am getting married this summer. I am straight; my fianc&eacute;e is a woman, obviously. I have two older cousins (29m and 26f) let&#39;s call them Mark and Jane, both of whom are openly gay/lesbian, respectively.</p> </blockquote><h2>And his grandparents are raging homophobes:</h2><blockquote> <p>My grandparents (87m and 79f) are unashamedly homophobic. They have attended every straight wedding in the family. They declined invitations to Mark and Jane&#39;s weddings because they &quot;don&#39;t believe that&#39;s a real marriage&quot;.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>He still considers his grandparents to be &quot;amazing&quot;:</h2><blockquote> <p>Here&#39;s the problem: Homophobia aside, my grandparents are amazing, hardworking, good people. I intend to invite them to my own wedding. Jane and Mark completely oppose this. Because I&#39;m a bit of a &quot;golden boy&quot; for the family, they want me to exclude my grandparents from my wedding to punish my grandparents and to &quot;promote marriage equality&quot;. I refuse to listen to them.</p> </blockquote><h2>The family is divided on whether his grandparents should be invited:</h2><blockquote> <p>Most of the family has taken my side (it&#39;s a very big family), except for Jane, Mark, their in-laws, and Mark&#39;s parents. They call me a homophobe and a terrible person or beg me not to invite my grandparents. I won&#39;t listen to them, but I feel somewhat sorry that I&#39;m not fighting my grandparents for them. I can&#39;t help but feel like a bit of an a**hole for that.</p> </blockquote><h2>He added some clarifications:</h2><blockquote> <p>My grandparents will be mostly respectful to Jane and Mark if they&#39;re all at the wedding. They call their spouses their &quot;boyfriend/girlfriend&quot; and don&#39;t show that they&#39;re bothered by their relationship (unless someone straight up asks them). I should also add that they don&#39;t hate Mark. Even though they dodged his wedding, they helped pay for his college tuition and he and his husband&#39;s house mortgage (they didn&#39;t do this for Jane (or Jane&#39;s straight brother) because they have Conservative views on immigration and my grandparents are immigrants).</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Confusing. Well, most of Reddit agrees that his grandparents&#39; homophobia is indefensible &mdash; but if he wants homophobes at his wedding, that&#39;s his choice.</h2><p>Marmaladeanddryice argues that there is no &quot;homophobia aside&quot;:</p><blockquote> <p>I know the grandparent situation is complicated. And I know you love them. But they have opinions about human beings tantamount to &quot;these people don&#39;t deserve rights.&quot; Or &quot;their love isn&#39;t real.&quot; Do yourself a favour and read up on just what kinds of problems queer couples face without marriage rights and try to put yourself in your cousins&#39; shoes.</p> </blockquote><p>They continue:</p><blockquote> <p>Imagine that your own grandparents are the type of people to vote against your ability to see your terminal significant other on hospital, get POA, assist in other affairs, you name it. Imagine that they would vote to leave you cold, alone, and scared, while your spouse is in the hospital because they find your existence and love offensive (and don&#39;t downplay it, just because you have the luxury of not seeing it that way).</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>debt2set agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>Your grandparents are bigots. That automatically disqualifies them from being amazing people. But, if you&#39;re good with having bigots in your family and showing them that you support their disgusting beliefs (by tolerating them, you&#39;re telling others that you agree with them, which is why they&#39;re calling you a homophobe) that&#39;s your prerogative.</p> </blockquote><p>But Gojira085 thinks it&#39;s up to him:</p><blockquote> <p>Eh, as a gay man, he&#39;s [not the a-hole]. Its his wedding, he can invite whoever he wants as long as they agree to act civil and respectful. A wedding is is a day for the couple, not protests. What happens if he disinvites them and half his family doesn&#39;t come? One of the things that all LGBTQ people must accept is that there will always be be bigots, and we all need to learn how to deal with them. It looks a lot better to come in and act respectful and take the moral high ground rather than to make demands on loved ones. Let the bigots make themselves look bad.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>But VROF thinks he&#39;s enabling them:</p><blockquote> <p>people like you are why these bigots never change, because even though you recognize they are terrible, you treat them well and include them in your life because they are nice to you.</p> <p>Your grandparents are not &quot;amazing, hardworking, good people&quot; they are rotten and deserve to be shunned, not invited to weddings.</p> </blockquote><p>rabidturbofox agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>I mean, you&rsquo;re prioritizing the comfort and inclusion of homophobes, and making sure they don&rsquo;t face consequences for their behavior, helping the world stay a more comfortable place to be a homophobe. So yeah, supporting other people&rsquo;s ability to be homophobic is actually homophobic, the same way that covering for racists is in itself racist.</p> </blockquote><p>They continue:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Real change and justice can&rsquo;t just come from the marginalized. It&rsquo;s the normalized population, the ones in positions of relative power (in this situation, that&rsquo;s you) who must help out.</p> <p>You can choose to let the opportunity pass by, but understand that in doing so, you&rsquo;re protecting your grandparents&rsquo; homophobia. And that&rsquo;s homophobic.</p> </blockquote><p>Still, some, like girl_in_red_dress, disagree:</p><blockquote> <p>It&#39;s your marriage, not a protest. I understand why your cousins are mad with their grandparents but if you love them and want them in your marriage, it&#39;s your decision and it doesn&#39;t make you an homophobe. It&#39;s also up to your cousins not to atend bc of the presence of their bigot grandparents, but it&#39;s not their place to tell you who to invite.</p> </blockquote><p>But NewBromance thinks differently:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>If you dont call out bigotry when you see it you&#39;re condoning it. You may not claim you agree with it, but your actions enable it.</p> <p>Your actions speak louder than words. And what they show is despite your apparent support for your cousins, you dont consider the homophobia they receive to be significant enough to bother you.</p> </blockquote><p>They continue:</p><blockquote> <p>And homophobia is not just &quot;something old people do&quot;</p> <p>My grandparents are in their 80s and neither are homophobic. They where ignorant and confused about it to begin with but they learned and grew because they kept an open mind.</p> <p>Letting your grandparents off the hook because they are old is just giving them an excuse to never grow.</p> </blockquote><h2>While this is a tricky one with plenty of disagreement, most people still say he should not invite his grandparents.</h2><p>Or lose his cousins&#39; trust forever.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if it's OK let grandparents who boycotted gay wedding come to his wedding.

If you have a good relationship with your grandparents, it&#39;s understandable to want them at your wedding. But what if they&#39;ve made it clear that they don&#39;t support their gay grandchildren &mdash; your cousins?A man recently took to Reddit to ask for advice in this very situation. He wants his grandparents at his wedding &mdash; but his cousins who are gay think it&#39;s wrong, because the grandparents skipped their weddings. Now he&#39;s asking if he&#39;s in the wrong.The man specifies that his two older cousins are gay: I (21m) am getting married this summer. I am straight; my fianc&eacute;e is a woman, obviously. I have two older cousins (29m and 26f) let&#39;s call them Mark and Jane, both of whom are openly gay/lesbian, respectively. And his grandparents are raging homophobes: My grandparents (87m and 79f) are unashamedly homophobic. They have attended every straight wedding in the family. They declined invitations to Mark and Jane&#39;s weddings because they &quot;don&#39;t believe that&#39;s a real marriage&quot;. He still considers his grandparents to be &quot;amazing&quot;: Here&#39;s the problem: Homophobia aside, my grandparents are amazing, hardworking, good people. I intend to invite them to my own wedding. Jane and Mark completely oppose this. Because I&#39;m a bit of a &quot;golden boy&quot; for the family, they want me to exclude my grandparents from my wedding to punish my grandparents and to &quot;promote marriage equality&quot;. I refuse to listen to them. The family is divided on whether his grandparents should be invited: Most of the family has taken my side (it&#39;s a very big family), except for Jane, Mark, their in-laws, and Mark&#39;s parents. They call me a homophobe and a terrible person or beg me not to invite my grandparents. I won&#39;t listen to them, but I feel somewhat sorry that I&#39;m not fighting my grandparents for them. I can&#39;t help but feel like a bit of an a**hole for that. He added some clarifications: My grandparents will be mostly respectful to Jane and Mark if they&#39;re all at the wedding. They call their spouses their &quot;boyfriend/girlfriend&quot; and don&#39;t show that they&#39;re bothered by their relationship (unless someone straight up asks them). I should also add that they don&#39;t hate Mark. Even though they dodged his wedding, they helped pay for his college tuition and he and his husband&#39;s house mortgage (they didn&#39;t do this for Jane (or Jane&#39;s straight brother) because they have Conservative views on immigration and my grandparents are immigrants). Confusing. Well, most of Reddit agrees that his grandparents&#39; homophobia is indefensible &mdash; but if he wants homophobes at his wedding, that&#39;s his choice.Marmaladeanddryice argues that there is no &quot;homophobia aside&quot;: I know the grandparent situation is complicated. And I know you love them. But they have opinions about human beings tantamount to &quot;these people don&#39;t deserve rights.&quot; Or &quot;their love isn&#39;t real.&quot; Do yourself a favour and read up on just what kinds of problems queer couples face without marriage rights and try to put yourself in your cousins&#39; shoes. They continue: Imagine that your own grandparents are the type of people to vote against your ability to see your terminal significant other on hospital, get POA, assist in other affairs, you name it. Imagine that they would vote to leave you cold, alone, and scared, while your spouse is in the hospital because they find your existence and love offensive (and don&#39;t downplay it, just because you have the luxury of not seeing it that way). debt2set agrees: Your grandparents are bigots. That automatically disqualifies them from being amazing people. But, if you&#39;re good with having bigots in your family and showing them that you support their disgusting beliefs (by tolerating them, you&#39;re telling others that you agree with them, which is why they&#39;re calling you a homophobe) that&#39;s your prerogative. But Gojira085 thinks it&#39;s up to him: Eh, as a gay man, he&#39;s [not the a-hole]. Its his wedding, he can invite whoever he wants as long as they agree to act civil and respectful. A wedding is is a day for the couple, not protests. What happens if he disinvites them and half his family doesn&#39;t come? One of the things that all LGBTQ people must accept is that there will always be be bigots, and we all need to learn how to deal with them. It looks a lot better to come in and act respectful and take the moral high ground rather than to make demands on loved ones. Let the bigots make themselves look bad. But VROF thinks he&#39;s enabling them: people like you are why these bigots never change, because even though you recognize they are terrible, you treat them well and include them in your life because they are nice to you. Your grandparents are not &quot;amazing, hardworking, good people&quot; they are rotten and deserve to be shunned, not invited to weddings. rabidturbofox agrees: I mean, you&rsquo;re prioritizing the comfort and inclusion of homophobes, and making sure they don&rsquo;t face consequences for their behavior, helping the world stay a more comfortable place to be a homophobe. So yeah, supporting other people&rsquo;s ability to be homophobic is actually homophobic, the same way that covering for racists is in itself racist. They continue: Real change and justice can&rsquo;t just come from the marginalized. It&rsquo;s the normalized population, the ones in positions of relative power (in this situation, that&rsquo;s you) who must help out. You can choose to let the opportunity pass by, but understand that in doing so, you&rsquo;re protecting your grandparents&rsquo; homophobia. And that&rsquo;s homophobic. Still, some, like girl_in_red_dress, disagree: It&#39;s your marriage, not a protest. I understand why your cousins are mad with their grandparents but if you love them and want them in your marriage, it&#39;s your decision and it doesn&#39;t make you an homophobe. It&#39;s also up to your cousins not to atend bc of the presence of their bigot grandparents, but it&#39;s not their place to tell you who to invite. But NewBromance thinks differently: If you dont call out bigotry when you see it you&#39;re condoning it. You may not claim you agree with it, but your actions enable it. Your actions speak louder than words. And what they show is despite your apparent support for your cousins, you dont consider the homophobia they receive to be significant enough to bother you. They continue: And homophobia is not just &quot;something old people do&quot; My grandparents are in their 80s and neither are homophobic. They where ignorant and confused about it to begin with but they learned and grew because they kept an open mind. Letting your grandparents off the hook because they are old is just giving them an excuse to never grow. While this is a tricky one with plenty of disagreement, most people still say he should not invite his grandparents.Or lose his cousins&#39; trust forever.

If you have a good relationship with your grandparents, it&#39;s understandable to want them at your wedding. But what if they&#39;ve made it clear that they don&#39;t support their gay grandchildren &mdash; your cousins?  A man recently...