life

<p>Childbirth is one of the most stressful things, especially when it&#39;s a couple&#39;s first time having a kid. And one man is asking whether he went too far in protecting his wife from his mom&#39;s bad attitude.</p><p>The man kicked his mom out of the delivery room after she behaved inappropriately, and now she&#39;s furious and turning the rest of his family against him. He <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/">asked the people of Reddit</a> whether his actions were justified, and over 1,000 people weighed in.</p><p>When describing the birth process, he wrote, &quot;Unfortunately, the joy my wife &amp; I felt in this scenario was temporarily halted by my mother&#39;s wholly inappropriate behavior that I&#39;m just not ok with.&quot; Sounds serious.</p><h2>His mom has a victim complex already, he wrote:</h2><blockquote> <p>Some background: my mom has always been one of those people with a massive victim complex. People she knows go out to dinner &amp; don&#39;t invite her? Must have been intentional. A decision is made without getting her input? Must have been done on purpose to spite her. You get the idea.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>This behavior manifested heavily 5 years ago when we got married and became a sore point for a long time. Once she found out we were expecting, again the negative behaviors came out.</p> </blockquote><h2>He anticipated trouble around the birth, so he talked to his mom ahead of time:</h2><blockquote> <p>Tired of her leaving a stain on every moment that should be joyous, I finally had a sitdown with her. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn&#39;t going to raise my daughter in a negative environment like this, that we want her to be around and involved but her attitude needs to change.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I was polite but firm about all of this. She resisted at first, resorting to her usual ways &amp; thinking I was just plotting to get away from her completely, but in the end she claimed to have understood where I was coming from and promised to try and change her tone.</p> </blockquote><h2>The day of the birth came, and they invited mom in to meet the babe:</h2><blockquote> <p>Well, the big day arrives and everyone is at the hospital. Baby is born, we had some bonding time as a family, then invited the grandparents (both sides) up to meet her. On arrival we introduced her and shared her name (we&#39;d elected to keep it a secret).</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>My wife and I come from different religious backgrounds and thus different naming traditions. Mine is to name after a departed loved one, hers is to name after a living relative.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>So our compromise was to name her after my grandmother (mom&#39;s mom) who passed a while ago and make the middle name for her mom, our daughter&#39;s grand mother.</p> </blockquote><h2>But when the mom found out the baby&#39;s middle name came from the maternal grandmother, she flipped:</h2><blockquote> <p>After being in the room a bit and meeting her the question inevitably comes up of how we came up with her name. So I explain and at first she&#39;s beaming that her granddaughter is named for her mother, then when we get to the middle name her face changes to a look of pure anger and she says YOU DID WHAT?!?</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I calmly explain again, only to get OK, folded arms and a pouting demeanor clearly displaying her disapproval at this choice. This is supposed to be a happy occasion and I finally decided enough was enough and told her it was time to go.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>He tried to boot her, but she didn&#39;t go quietly:</h2><blockquote> <p>This lead to resistance from my dad, her going off the rails again about how everything is against her, and my wife hysterical that another even has been messed up.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>So I told my dad flat out that this behavior is the reason why and I won&#39;t have my kid around it, that when she&#39;s ready to behave like the grandmother we want our daughter around she can return but for today we&#39;re through. Apparently according to any and all in my family I&#39;m the a**hole for stepping in this way.</p> </blockquote><h2>Now he&#39;s wondering if his family&#39;s right or he is:</h2><blockquote> <p>I don&#39;t think I did anything wrong here, but I leave that decision up to you guys.</p> </blockquote><h2>And most people agree his mom was out of line.</h2><p>User <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/fedr49c/">soundlikebutactually</a> applauded the new dad:</p><blockquote> <p>I just want to say BRAVO TO YOU!!! I read stories like this so often about mother-in-laws ruining baby births and I am really impressed at you for not only recognizing the issues some time ago and having a serious talk with her, but also for stepping in and having her leave when she started throwing her tantrum.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/feduft1/">CheyBridgeMan</a> agreed &mdash; and suggested some reading:</p><blockquote> <p>finally, a man who will stand up to his nutjob mother instead of expecting the wife to just suck it up. Thank you. You may enjoy the book &ldquo;Facing Codependence&rdquo; and also &ldquo;stop walking on eggshells&rdquo; I&rsquo;m not a doctor and am not making any diagnosis of your mother but based on my experience, these two books may be useful.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/fedxipv/">Feegeegee</a> also gave the dad kudos for stepping in before his stressed out and tired wife had to:</p><blockquote> <p>I work in maternity care. I&#39;ve seen this kind of thing happen so many times. Everything is lovely, then the family arrive.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>However. It is rare that I see the partner being the one putting their foot down. So Bravo to you, sir. Your wife was tired, emotional, and absolutely needed your support. You are already setting excellent boundaries to benefit your little one. I see so many people who just let &#39;toxic&#39; family members walk all over them. Good for you.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/fedrzd4/">AsthmaticHummingbird</a> allowed that he might have handled it poorly, but the mom is still in the wrong:</p><blockquote> <p>without having been there it&#39;s possible that you didn&#39;t handle it as well as you say. If you caused a scene, or turned it into more of a scene than it was, you may be a little bit of [the a-hole]. The best situation would have been to say &quot;May I speak with you in the hallway?&quot; and take her out of the room to address the issue, then tell her to leave without having an audience.</p> </blockquote><h2>But some questioned why he waited until such an important moment to tell his mom something that would obviously upset her.</h2><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/fedw0ia/">MeltingMandarins</a> recommends coming up with a better way of handling his mom:</p><blockquote> <p>But what were you thinking to let it get that far? You knew your mum was like this, and you named the baby after your wife&rsquo;s mum, and had your mum find this out in the hospital room ... in front of your wife? [...]</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I feel like you should&rsquo;ve been able to anticipate your mum&rsquo;s reaction and figure out something that didn&rsquo;t end up with a confrontation in the hospital room and a hysterical wife.</p> <p>I really do believe you should ask yourself what you were thinking.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eon6gr/aita_for_booting_my_mom_her_negative_attitude/">RedditWhileWorking</a> thinks any grandparent would be upset at clear preferential naming treatment:</p><blockquote> <p>[...] I think this gesture was sweet for OP and his wife to name their child the way they did. But it probably wasn&#39;t the best idea to give Grandma 2 the honor of being a namesake without honoring Grandma 1 in any way, it would make a lot of grandparents upset, much less one with such a history of always being the victim. I&#39;m not saying OP and Wife made a bad choice and should feel bad, not at all.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>But it should have been one of those things you saw coming a mile away. [...]</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Either way, it sounds like this grandma probably won&#39;t get over it easily.</h2><p>This dad probably has a long road ahead of him.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if he was wrong to kick mom out of delivery room over baby name choice.

Childbirth is one of the most stressful things, especially when it&#39;s a couple&#39;s first time having a kid. And one man is asking whether he went too far in protecting his wife from his mom&#39;s bad attitude.The man kicked his mom out of the delivery room after she behaved inappropriately, and now she&#39;s furious and turning the rest of his family against him. He asked the people of Reddit whether his actions were justified, and over 1,000 people weighed in.When describing the birth process, he wrote, &quot;Unfortunately, the joy my wife &amp; I felt in this scenario was temporarily halted by my mother&#39;s wholly inappropriate behavior that I&#39;m just not ok with.&quot; Sounds serious.His mom has a victim complex already, he wrote: Some background: my mom has always been one of those people with a massive victim complex. People she knows go out to dinner &amp; don&#39;t invite her? Must have been intentional. A decision is made without getting her input? Must have been done on purpose to spite her. You get the idea.  This behavior manifested heavily 5 years ago when we got married and became a sore point for a long time. Once she found out we were expecting, again the negative behaviors came out. He anticipated trouble around the birth, so he talked to his mom ahead of time: Tired of her leaving a stain on every moment that should be joyous, I finally had a sitdown with her. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn&#39;t going to raise my daughter in a negative environment like this, that we want her to be around and involved but her attitude needs to change.  I was polite but firm about all of this. She resisted at first, resorting to her usual ways &amp; thinking I was just plotting to get away from her completely, but in the end she claimed to have understood where I was coming from and promised to try and change her tone. The day of the birth came, and they invited mom in to meet the babe: Well, the big day arrives and everyone is at the hospital. Baby is born, we had some bonding time as a family, then invited the grandparents (both sides) up to meet her. On arrival we introduced her and shared her name (we&#39;d elected to keep it a secret).  My wife and I come from different religious backgrounds and thus different naming traditions. Mine is to name after a departed loved one, hers is to name after a living relative.  So our compromise was to name her after my grandmother (mom&#39;s mom) who passed a while ago and make the middle name for her mom, our daughter&#39;s grand mother. But when the mom found out the baby&#39;s middle name came from the maternal grandmother, she flipped: After being in the room a bit and meeting her the question inevitably comes up of how we came up with her name. So I explain and at first she&#39;s beaming that her granddaughter is named for her mother, then when we get to the middle name her face changes to a look of pure anger and she says YOU DID WHAT?!?  I calmly explain again, only to get OK, folded arms and a pouting demeanor clearly displaying her disapproval at this choice. This is supposed to be a happy occasion and I finally decided enough was enough and told her it was time to go. He tried to boot her, but she didn&#39;t go quietly: This lead to resistance from my dad, her going off the rails again about how everything is against her, and my wife hysterical that another even has been messed up.  So I told my dad flat out that this behavior is the reason why and I won&#39;t have my kid around it, that when she&#39;s ready to behave like the grandmother we want our daughter around she can return but for today we&#39;re through. Apparently according to any and all in my family I&#39;m the a**hole for stepping in this way. Now he&#39;s wondering if his family&#39;s right or he is: I don&#39;t think I did anything wrong here, but I leave that decision up to you guys. And most people agree his mom was out of line.User soundlikebutactually applauded the new dad: I just want to say BRAVO TO YOU!!! I read stories like this so often about mother-in-laws ruining baby births and I am really impressed at you for not only recognizing the issues some time ago and having a serious talk with her, but also for stepping in and having her leave when she started throwing her tantrum. CheyBridgeMan agreed &mdash; and suggested some reading: finally, a man who will stand up to his nutjob mother instead of expecting the wife to just suck it up. Thank you. You may enjoy the book &ldquo;Facing Codependence&rdquo; and also &ldquo;stop walking on eggshells&rdquo; I&rsquo;m not a doctor and am not making any diagnosis of your mother but based on my experience, these two books may be useful. Feegeegee also gave the dad kudos for stepping in before his stressed out and tired wife had to: I work in maternity care. I&#39;ve seen this kind of thing happen so many times. Everything is lovely, then the family arrive.  However. It is rare that I see the partner being the one putting their foot down. So Bravo to you, sir. Your wife was tired, emotional, and absolutely needed your support. You are already setting excellent boundaries to benefit your little one. I see so many people who just let &#39;toxic&#39; family members walk all over them. Good for you. AsthmaticHummingbird allowed that he might have handled it poorly, but the mom is still in the wrong: without having been there it&#39;s possible that you didn&#39;t handle it as well as you say. If you caused a scene, or turned it into more of a scene than it was, you may be a little bit of [the a-hole]. The best situation would have been to say &quot;May I speak with you in the hallway?&quot; and take her out of the room to address the issue, then tell her to leave without having an audience. But some questioned why he waited until such an important moment to tell his mom something that would obviously upset her.MeltingMandarins recommends coming up with a better way of handling his mom: But what were you thinking to let it get that far? You knew your mum was like this, and you named the baby after your wife&rsquo;s mum, and had your mum find this out in the hospital room ... in front of your wife? [...]  I feel like you should&rsquo;ve been able to anticipate your mum&rsquo;s reaction and figure out something that didn&rsquo;t end up with a confrontation in the hospital room and a hysterical wife. I really do believe you should ask yourself what you were thinking. RedditWhileWorking thinks any grandparent would be upset at clear preferential naming treatment: [...] I think this gesture was sweet for OP and his wife to name their child the way they did. But it probably wasn&#39;t the best idea to give Grandma 2 the honor of being a namesake without honoring Grandma 1 in any way, it would make a lot of grandparents upset, much less one with such a history of always being the victim. I&#39;m not saying OP and Wife made a bad choice and should feel bad, not at all.  But it should have been one of those things you saw coming a mile away. [...] Either way, it sounds like this grandma probably won&#39;t get over it easily.This dad probably has a long road ahead of him.

Childbirth is one of the most stressful things, especially when it&#39;s a couple&#39;s first time having a kid. And one man is asking whether he went too far in protecting his wife from his mom&#39;s bad attitude.  The man kicked his mom...