life

<p>When you&#39;re dealing with an illness, your partner can be the biggest source of support. But what happens when a caregiving spouse has had enough?</p><p>A man <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/naazzg/aita_for_making_my_wife_choose_between_me_and_her/">has taken to Reddit</a> to ask if he&#39;s in the wrong for asking his wife to skip her best friend&#39;s wedding in order to support him during his surgery. He thinks his wife should be at his bedside, but she&#39;s worried that her friendship will be ruined.</p><p>Here&#39;s the full story.</p><h2>He says his wife&#39;s been supportive overall:</h2><blockquote> <p>I M36 am preparing for my upcoming surgery at the end of may. I have respiratory condition that I have been suffering from and my wife has been very supportive and accommodating of all my needs. She has endured so much by shouldering this burden with me and I can never describe how much supportive she&#39;s been with everything that has been going on with me.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>But his surgery conflicts with her best friend&#39;s wedding:</h2><blockquote> <p>The problem is that her best friend&#39;s wedding is at the end of may, specifically on the 27th and my surgery takes place the exact same date. Now 27th was not the original date of her friend&#39;s wedding it was supposed to be on may 18th but got changed. Her friend informed us about it on short notice. And my wife wanted to go but it&#39;s a 8_hour trip since the wedding will be held in the groom&#39;s hometown.</p> </blockquote><h2>They can&#39;t decide what to do:</h2><blockquote> <p>My wife and I discussed this, and I bluntly told her I needed her there for my surgery. She told me that that&#39;s her best friend and this will hopefully be her only wedding and she wanted to attend. She asked if I could get a friend as my support but I just didn&#39;t think this was right I was even puzzled that she asked me to get a substitute while she goes to her friend&#39;s wedding. I asked if her friend&#39;s wedding was more important than my health.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>But his wife won&#39;t budge:</h2><blockquote> <p>She argued that there was nothing wrong with it and I won&#39;t need her since the medical team will take care of me. Then She said that by refusing I was making her choose between me and her best friend. We went back n&#39; forth on this argument and she insisted she wants to attend her friend&#39;s wedding.</p> </blockquote><h2>He says she&#39;s being &quot;unreasonable&quot;:</h2><blockquote> <p>I told her she was being unreasonable and I never expected her to prioritize a wedding over my health. She loudly yelled &ldquo;what do you want me to do?, I might lose my friend over this&rdquo; then stopped talking to me.</p> </blockquote><h2>They&#39;re at an impasse:</h2><blockquote> <p>I think I handled this badly and acted in ungrateful manner but I think she&#39;s the one who doesn&#39;t understand the difference since my surgery is an emergency and if her best friend is a good friend then she&#39;d understand, right?.</p> <p>So am I wrong for what I said?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>The people of Reddit are divided &mdash; but most of them say he should let the wife go to the wedding.</h2><p>User butt5000 says:</p><blockquote> <p>In sickness and in health does not have a temporary suspension due to BFF&rsquo;s wedding clause.</p> </blockquote><p>FigureEast agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>It&rsquo;s an emergency surgery, your life depends on it&hellip;if your wife would rather be at a friend&rsquo;s wedding after that friend changed the date last minute&hellip;jeez. I&rsquo;m sorry. Even if she&rsquo;s been supportive in the past, I cannot imagine being that heartless towards my spouse.</p> </blockquote><p>But RealisticVoice8 has another take:</p><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m going to say NAH because you&rsquo;re totally reasonable for wanting her there and she&rsquo;s also reasonable for not wanting to miss a once-in-a-lifetime event for her best friend.</p> <p>It also sounds like she&rsquo;s experiencing some caregiver fatigue. Has she had to give up other things to care for you? Spending time with friends, going on trips, etc.?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>They continue:</p><blockquote> <p>If so, she might be feeling a little burnt out and like she really needs to do something for herself, and if that&rsquo;s so, I think if you at least try to arrange to have someone else to support you for your surgery that will go a long way. For a lot of caregivers, the constant stress of having to put their own needs second can be really really draining.</p> </blockquote><p>All_names_taken agrees:</p><blockquote> <p>There is nothing OP&rsquo;s wife can do during the surgery but wait. She might not even be allowed to wait at the hospital, but wait at home. If OP dies the hospital will call the wife. Not much difference if they call her at home or call her at her friends wedding. Would it be nice if OP could see his wife&rsquo;s face when he wakes up from surgery? Yes. But there&rsquo;s nothing she can do for him post surgery.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>They add:</p><blockquote> <p>A friend being there immediately after for moral support is sufficient. Especially since wife is CURRENTLY taking care of OP AND will be taking care of OP POST surgery. She deserves a break to be with her best friend on her big day. I think OP is being selfish here.</p> </blockquote><p>Says DarcyKnits:</p><blockquote> <p>Since this seems like an inpatient surgery, you&#39;re asking your wife to miss a wedding So she can sit in the waiting room of the hospital. She can&#39;t perform the surgery. All she can do is sit and wait.</p> <p>When my best friend needed surgery, She asked me to take her spouse out of the hospital because she didn&#39;t want him there.</p> </blockquote><p>They continue:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>You start out by saying how supportive your wife has been, So the fact that she wants to go to the wedding suggests that she doesn&#39;t feel she needs to be at your surgery. The fact that you&#39;re insisting she&#39;s there when she&#39;s not needed, suggest that maybe she&#39;s more supportive of you than you are of her.</p> </blockquote><p>And finally:</p><blockquote> <p>Given how hospitals I have jumped into the 21st century with technology and an allowed people to be present even if they are remote, there&#39;s nothing your wife can&#39;t do from a distance.</p> <p>You mentioned how giving your wife is, maybe you should give something back to her and not make her miss her best friend&#39;s wedding.</p> </blockquote><p>Still, MayorCleanPants says the wife should be there:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>All surgeries have risks, even &ldquo;simple&rdquo; or &ldquo;routine&rdquo; ones (heck, my nephew almost died from a tonsillectomy). In the event something goes wrong, the wife needs to be there to make medical decisions. A friend cannot legally do this. I couldn&rsquo;t imagine not being there (let alone being 8 hours away) if my husband had surgery and my BFF would absolutely understand if I missed her wedding for it.</p> </blockquote><p>Still, people like irethkat say she should get a break from caregiving:</p><blockquote> <p>She&#39;s been supportive, you said as much, so it isn&#39;t as if she just doesn&#39;t care, and you will be in surgery meaning that she&#39;ll miss her friend&#39;s wedding to wait in the waiting room. Now this is under the assumption that she&#39;ll be coming back the next morning (since it&#39;s an 8 hour drive) and not spending several days there, because that might change things.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>They continue:</p><blockquote> <p>Because she&#39;s been so supportive and because she seems afraid that if she misses the wedding she&#39;ll lose her friend, I&#39;m wondering if she&#39;s been neglecting her friendship to be there for you. Either way, it sounds like she truly feels she cannot miss this wedding and, judging by her otherwise support, it is a really big deal to her and/or her best friend.</p> </blockquote><h2>So while this is a sticky situation, most people agree that this wife deserves a break to go to her friend&#39;s wedding.</h2><p>Let&#39;s hope the couple can find a solution that works for them both.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Man asks if he's wrong to ask wife to skip best friend's wedding to be at his surgery.

When you&#39;re dealing with an illness, your partner can be the biggest source of support. But what happens when a caregiving spouse has had enough?A man has taken to Reddit to ask if he&#39;s in the wrong for asking his wife to skip her best friend&#39;s wedding in order to support him during his surgery. He thinks his wife should be at his bedside, but she&#39;s worried that her friendship will be ruined.Here&#39;s the full story.He says his wife&#39;s been supportive overall: I M36 am preparing for my upcoming surgery at the end of may. I have respiratory condition that I have been suffering from and my wife has been very supportive and accommodating of all my needs. She has endured so much by shouldering this burden with me and I can never describe how much supportive she&#39;s been with everything that has been going on with me. But his surgery conflicts with her best friend&#39;s wedding: The problem is that her best friend&#39;s wedding is at the end of may, specifically on the 27th and my surgery takes place the exact same date. Now 27th was not the original date of her friend&#39;s wedding it was supposed to be on may 18th but got changed. Her friend informed us about it on short notice. And my wife wanted to go but it&#39;s a 8_hour trip since the wedding will be held in the groom&#39;s hometown. They can&#39;t decide what to do: My wife and I discussed this, and I bluntly told her I needed her there for my surgery. She told me that that&#39;s her best friend and this will hopefully be her only wedding and she wanted to attend. She asked if I could get a friend as my support but I just didn&#39;t think this was right I was even puzzled that she asked me to get a substitute while she goes to her friend&#39;s wedding. I asked if her friend&#39;s wedding was more important than my health. But his wife won&#39;t budge: She argued that there was nothing wrong with it and I won&#39;t need her since the medical team will take care of me. Then She said that by refusing I was making her choose between me and her best friend. We went back n&#39; forth on this argument and she insisted she wants to attend her friend&#39;s wedding. He says she&#39;s being &quot;unreasonable&quot;: I told her she was being unreasonable and I never expected her to prioritize a wedding over my health. She loudly yelled &ldquo;what do you want me to do?, I might lose my friend over this&rdquo; then stopped talking to me. They&#39;re at an impasse: I think I handled this badly and acted in ungrateful manner but I think she&#39;s the one who doesn&#39;t understand the difference since my surgery is an emergency and if her best friend is a good friend then she&#39;d understand, right?. So am I wrong for what I said? The people of Reddit are divided &mdash; but most of them say he should let the wife go to the wedding.User butt5000 says: In sickness and in health does not have a temporary suspension due to BFF&rsquo;s wedding clause. FigureEast agrees: It&rsquo;s an emergency surgery, your life depends on it&hellip;if your wife would rather be at a friend&rsquo;s wedding after that friend changed the date last minute&hellip;jeez. I&rsquo;m sorry. Even if she&rsquo;s been supportive in the past, I cannot imagine being that heartless towards my spouse. But RealisticVoice8 has another take: I&rsquo;m going to say NAH because you&rsquo;re totally reasonable for wanting her there and she&rsquo;s also reasonable for not wanting to miss a once-in-a-lifetime event for her best friend. It also sounds like she&rsquo;s experiencing some caregiver fatigue. Has she had to give up other things to care for you? Spending time with friends, going on trips, etc.? They continue: If so, she might be feeling a little burnt out and like she really needs to do something for herself, and if that&rsquo;s so, I think if you at least try to arrange to have someone else to support you for your surgery that will go a long way. For a lot of caregivers, the constant stress of having to put their own needs second can be really really draining. All_names_taken agrees: There is nothing OP&rsquo;s wife can do during the surgery but wait. She might not even be allowed to wait at the hospital, but wait at home. If OP dies the hospital will call the wife. Not much difference if they call her at home or call her at her friends wedding. Would it be nice if OP could see his wife&rsquo;s face when he wakes up from surgery? Yes. But there&rsquo;s nothing she can do for him post surgery. They add: A friend being there immediately after for moral support is sufficient. Especially since wife is CURRENTLY taking care of OP AND will be taking care of OP POST surgery. She deserves a break to be with her best friend on her big day. I think OP is being selfish here. Says DarcyKnits: Since this seems like an inpatient surgery, you&#39;re asking your wife to miss a wedding So she can sit in the waiting room of the hospital. She can&#39;t perform the surgery. All she can do is sit and wait. When my best friend needed surgery, She asked me to take her spouse out of the hospital because she didn&#39;t want him there. They continue: You start out by saying how supportive your wife has been, So the fact that she wants to go to the wedding suggests that she doesn&#39;t feel she needs to be at your surgery. The fact that you&#39;re insisting she&#39;s there when she&#39;s not needed, suggest that maybe she&#39;s more supportive of you than you are of her. And finally: Given how hospitals I have jumped into the 21st century with technology and an allowed people to be present even if they are remote, there&#39;s nothing your wife can&#39;t do from a distance. You mentioned how giving your wife is, maybe you should give something back to her and not make her miss her best friend&#39;s wedding. Still, MayorCleanPants says the wife should be there: All surgeries have risks, even &ldquo;simple&rdquo; or &ldquo;routine&rdquo; ones (heck, my nephew almost died from a tonsillectomy). In the event something goes wrong, the wife needs to be there to make medical decisions. A friend cannot legally do this. I couldn&rsquo;t imagine not being there (let alone being 8 hours away) if my husband had surgery and my BFF would absolutely understand if I missed her wedding for it. Still, people like irethkat say she should get a break from caregiving: She&#39;s been supportive, you said as much, so it isn&#39;t as if she just doesn&#39;t care, and you will be in surgery meaning that she&#39;ll miss her friend&#39;s wedding to wait in the waiting room. Now this is under the assumption that she&#39;ll be coming back the next morning (since it&#39;s an 8 hour drive) and not spending several days there, because that might change things. They continue: Because she&#39;s been so supportive and because she seems afraid that if she misses the wedding she&#39;ll lose her friend, I&#39;m wondering if she&#39;s been neglecting her friendship to be there for you. Either way, it sounds like she truly feels she cannot miss this wedding and, judging by her otherwise support, it is a really big deal to her and/or her best friend. So while this is a sticky situation, most people agree that this wife deserves a break to go to her friend&#39;s wedding.Let&#39;s hope the couple can find a solution that works for them both.

When you&#39;re dealing with an illness, your partner can be the biggest source of support. But what happens when a caregiving spouse has had enough?  A man has taken to Reddit to ask if he&#39;s in the wrong for asking his wife to skip...