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Pregnant woman asks if she's wrong to tell husband to save her life over baby's.

Pregnant woman asks if she's wrong to tell husband to save her life over baby's.


Childbirth can be rough — and sometimes tough decisions have to be made.

One mom has asked the internet to weigh in on a tough question.

'[Am I the a-hole] For telling my husband that if he had to choose between my self and my daughter during birth to choose me?' she asked.

Her story is serious, so buckle up.

She developed gestational diabetes at 32 weeks 'due to [...] being overweight,' she wrote. Her OB-GYN scheduled a C-section, and then:

Before going in to the hospital I talked with my husband that if something where to happened and he needed to choose between myself and our baby to please choose me. He got quiet but said that he agreed and that please let me mother know about what we talked.

The birth was fine, mother and baby came out unscathed. But now she's trying to get pregnant again and in case of emergency, she asked her husband to honor the same agreement.

She brought this up at a gathering of mom friends and it didn't go over great:

I said that I do want another baby and that pregnancy doesn’t scare me such as giving birth again. I said that I straight told my husband again that I’m scared that something may happened to me during the birth and in the hopes of giving my daughter a sibling I could leave her without a mother. That the original agreement stands that he needs to choose me if that’s the case.

When she explained her mom-over-baby policy, her friends freaked out:

My friends where disgusted with my thinking and said that i was an asshole to my husband in asking him to basically kill his baby (those where the exact words), that I was a very negative person and that I needed to rethink my thoughts. I’m a person that likes to be prepared for the worse case scenario and hope for the best.

I didn’t want my husband to be blindsided with who to choose and to have the answer on the spot. Nobody likes to think in what could go wrong specially in a pregnancy but I need to think every possible case that we could encounter.

While it's a tough call, people largely agree that this mom isn't an a-hole for thinking this way.

PrometheusMadLad summed it up:

it's your f*cking life. You can make another baby, there can't be another you. Also, if your Husband agreed, it's none of their business

Others, like vvousmevoyez, agreed that the entire family would suffer without a mom:

Exactly. A widow father with 2 kids will have a lower quality of life than a healthy mother and father with just 1 child. I’m not looking down on single fathers by the way! I just think the family would be happier if the mother was alive. They can choose to have future kids but they can’t choose to bring the mother back to life if she dies.

And boudicas-shield made another interesting point:

Also, and more importantly, the mother (OP) is a human whose life is full and rich and has value outside what her existence would do for her husband and children. It’s perfectly acceptable for OP to live because she doesn’t want to die in childbirth, not just because men and children would be better served by her not being dead.

Women are full humans who deserve to be considered as humans in their own right, not just what they mean to their husbands and children.

Not everyone agreed with the mom.

Some, like DaveyDukes, implied it was irresponsible to have another potentially risky pregnancy where gestational diabetes is a possibility — even though plenty of moms who aren't clinically overweight can develop GD:

this is not a typical mother not wanting to martyr for her child situation. This is a- mother is an unhealthy weight and is choosing to still go for another baby despite almost guaranteed health risks for mother and baby. How is everyone overlooking this selfish decision?

Henrywinkelred agreed:

You’re making the choice to bring this person into the world. You’ve lived, loved, had adventures. And you want to deny them the same experiences so you can have more?

But thankfully, it's unlikely the husband will ever have to make this decision. Usually, this would be in the hands of doctors.

Medical professionals are on her side, according to Daytripsinsidecars:

Doctors will make this decision for you anyway.

OBGYNS save mother first. Baby second.

And FallaciousCrumb:

When a pregnant woman arrests, we do four rounds of CPR, and then we do a perimortem caesarian section. The purpose of this is not to save the baby, but to save the woman, because pregnancy puts a massive strain on a woman's body. If the baby makes it, that's an added bonus, but this is not the purpose of the caesarian section.

Mother before baby, always.

Sources: Reddit
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