life

<p>Is there anything more difficult &mdash; and easier to accidentally find yourself doing &mdash; than raising a kid?</p><p>Raising kids isn&#39;t easy, and there are so many different ways to do it. A <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/p240zo/parents_of_reddit_what_are_mistakes_that_you_feel/">recent Reddit thread</a> asked, &quot;Parents of reddit, what are mistakes that you feel that you made that others could learn from before it is too late?&quot; The answers prove that other parents might be the best resource.</p><h2>1. It sounds so simple...</h2><blockquote> <p>make time for your kid. really make time. my son is 9 now and I am lucky in that I am now able to give him the attention he deserves. when i was working myself to death, i was only home to sleep and get ready for work, and it affected him emotionally a lot.</p> <p>now, he is doing better w/schooling, has waaaay less tantrums, is eating better, sleeping better, and just doing better overall. - Suspicious_Music949</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>2. It&#39;s not a contest between parents.</h2><blockquote> <p>Co-parent. Be civil and realistic with your expectations of each other. Stop making it a competition to see who is more loved. It&#39;s not a competition. It&#39;s a cooperation. The constant battle between the two of you is not healthy for your kids. You are stuck together for the rest of this child&#39;s life whether you like it or not. Have each other&#39;s backs. Support each other. Even though you are no longer together you are still a family to your kids. Work together to help this kid grow up normal. - EerieArizona</p> </blockquote><h2>3. Let people do stuff for you!</h2><blockquote> <p>For the love of God accept all the help. Let other people clean, bring you food and watch your kids while you sleep. It really does take a village and for some reason we want to be able to do every thing ourselves. It&#39;s complete nonsense. - culps001</p> </blockquote><h2>4. Expensive baby stuff is just pointless.</h2><blockquote> <p>For infants, buy everything at ikea. The infant furniture/toys is ridiculously over priced. You don&#39;t need a $200 high chair. You don&#39;t need a $500 crib. Your don&#39;t need a $500 nursing chair. You don&#39;t need $150 baby carrier. Save your money and only spend it on a really good carseat.</p> <p>Don&#39;t agonize over the stroller, rocker, swing, baby carrier. They mostly all do the same thing and the small differences won&#39;t be noticable when you are using it. - hanginonwithtwofingers</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>5. Don&#39;t overlook your child&#39;s vision.</h2><blockquote> <p>I didn&#39;t take my kid to the optometrist. Doctor and dentist, yes, but I figured optometrists were for people who needed glasses. He seemed to be fine. I didn&#39;t realize there are other vision problems that may not be apparent, which are only correctable if caught early. When one eye started drifting, I took him in. Now he needs expensive vision therapy, and it may be that he&#39;s too old to fully benefit. Vision development happens in the brain as well as the eyes, and the visual system matures around age 7. I wish I&#39;d taken him to be screened earlier. - Mostly_Harmless12</p> </blockquote><h2>6. This can be a game-changer.</h2><blockquote> <p>Start learning about your emotions now. Not how to control them or make them go away, but how to identify, name, acknowledge, breathe with, love and accept them. Then learn what they are trying to tell you about what you need and want. Life gets a load easier when you can do this. It also saves your child years of therapy.</p> <p>Read &ldquo;The book you wish your parents had read&rdquo; - throwaway4u2021</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>7. You can possibly research your way into being a better parent.</h2><blockquote> <p>Mine would be to familiarise yourself with psychology of family units, trauma if you have any, and general psychology. It has helped me as a parent so much. Makes navigating tough situations with your child easier when you know where they are coming from and understand your own thought process. I have stopped myself from making regretful decisions from studying psychology and it helped me distance myself from my mothers parenting style which was abusive and traumatic. So many things I didn&rsquo;t realise were extremely important to DO and AVOID. - screamsinbold</p> </blockquote><h2>8. This sounds incredibly stressful.</h2><blockquote> <p>Not putting your foot down.</p> <p>When I had my kid, I didn&#39;t want any family or friends over for a week to acclimate to this huge life change. An hour after my kid was born, my in-laws showed up at the hospital unannounced and made this massive fuss.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>An hour or so later, more distant in-laws (S/O&#39;s aunts/uncles/cousins) showed up, some I hadn&#39;t seen for a good year or so. I pretended to sleep when they randomly showed up without notice to the hospital and then my house.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>It also lead to postpartum depression, and wanted nothing to do with my kid the first few weeks. I went through the motions, feeding, bathing, and taking care of him, but there was no love there. Postpartum is a serious thing, and if you see your partner suffering, make time for them. Help them, even if it&#39;s just letting them take a walk alone. - BoneshakerBaybee</p> </blockquote><h2>9. There may not be one &quot;right&quot; time, but there are plenty of wrong times.</h2><blockquote> <p>People always say there is never a right time to have kids. That&rsquo;s not true! Don&rsquo;t feel pressured to have kids wait until you feel you are in the right mind set emotionally and financially. Don&rsquo;t let family pressure you because you will blame the child for emotional and financial stress you weren&rsquo;t ready for. - jonboalex</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>10. These are good rules.</h2><blockquote> <p>Praise effort, not traits.</p> <p>Talk to your kid like an adult, from day one.</p> <p>Minimize screen time as much as possible.</p> <p>Don&#39;t get caught up on schedules. All that does is make your kid inflexible and makes you a slave to their schedule.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Don&#39;t react as if every boo-boo is a life threatening injury. In fact, even if it&#39;s instinctual, try to hold back reactions. My experience is that kids with these types of parents don&#39;t overreact when they have a minor injury or fall, and parents who act the opposite have kids that lose their shit if they so much as scrape a knee. - AmigoDelDiablo</p> </blockquote><h2>11. Now this is smart.</h2><blockquote> <p>If you&rsquo;re going to give in - give in early. For example, if your kid wants ice cream and you say no, and they beg a little that&rsquo;s when you&rsquo;d give in. If you give in once they&rsquo;ve started kicking and screaming then you&rsquo;ve just taught them that&rsquo;s how they get their way.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m not saying always give in, and I&rsquo;m not saying that you should in the first place. But if you change your mind or decide to give in, do it quick!!</p> <p>Otherwise, follow through and keep it at no. - curiositykilledme__</p> </blockquote><h2>12. This could also apply to, like, everything in life...</h2><blockquote> <p>Put down the damn phone. Perpetual low-grade distraction is unhealthy and sets a terrible example. - bog_hippie</p> </blockquote><h2>13. It&#39;s very easy to give your kid a messed up relationship with food.</h2><blockquote> <p>Don&rsquo;t use food as a reward, it leads to a unhealthy relationship with food. Make sure to use proper portions, no bedtime snacks. If your child is full don&rsquo;t force them to clean the plate. - ShockaZuluu</p> </blockquote><h2>14. Good cop/bad cop isn&#39;t always the best way to go.</h2><blockquote> <p>Refrain from making one person be the disciplinarian and the other the consoler. Try to share the load. You may fall into one category naturally, but there will be times that you want to be in the other role, and it will take time to transition out of the role you had especially if you&#39;ve done it a long time. This can turn into teenagers who do respect the consoler or in the opposite teenagers who cannot open up to the disciplinarian.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>It is not a hard fast rule but my wife and I have kids that at are at very different ages. For our youngest I asked to not be the bad cop all the time, and he is much more affectionate to me than my other kids ever were. I know my other kids love me, but they will always go to m with their problems, and getting them to open up to me can be very difficult. What is worse, it is much easier for them to see me as the enemy on certain days, no matter how much work I&#39;ve done to show them they can trust me.</p> </blockquote><p> </p><blockquote> <p>That said, I know it is difficult for my wife to get the kids to listen to her, and it is really no issue for me.</p> <p>Basically, realize that you are building a long term relationship with your child and starting at very young age. The time will fly by for you, and what same seem trivial to you, may be a very big deal for your kids.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p> </p><blockquote> <p>Even after all of that, don&#39;t overthink it. Take time to stop and live in the moment. Raising kids is very rewarding experience. I have 4 ranging from 6 to 17, and each brings us so much in their own way. Four very different personalities, and at the same time pretty much the same people. Enjoy that. - Pancake_Dan</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

14 parents share the mistakes they made that they hope new moms and dads don't repeat

Is there anything more difficult &mdash; and easier to accidentally find yourself doing &mdash; than raising a kid?Raising kids isn&#39;t easy, and there are so many different ways to do it. A recent Reddit thread asked, &quot;Parents of reddit, what are mistakes that you feel that you made that others could learn from before it is too late?&quot; The answers prove that other parents might be the best resource.1. It sounds so simple... make time for your kid. really make time. my son is 9 now and I am lucky in that I am now able to give him the attention he deserves. when i was working myself to death, i was only home to sleep and get ready for work, and it affected him emotionally a lot. now, he is doing better w/schooling, has waaaay less tantrums, is eating better, sleeping better, and just doing better overall. - Suspicious_Music949 2. It&#39;s not a contest between parents. Co-parent. Be civil and realistic with your expectations of each other. Stop making it a competition to see who is more loved. It&#39;s not a competition. It&#39;s a cooperation. The constant battle between the two of you is not healthy for your kids. You are stuck together for the rest of this child&#39;s life whether you like it or not. Have each other&#39;s backs. Support each other. Even though you are no longer together you are still a family to your kids. Work together to help this kid grow up normal. - EerieArizona 3. Let people do stuff for you! For the love of God accept all the help. Let other people clean, bring you food and watch your kids while you sleep. It really does take a village and for some reason we want to be able to do every thing ourselves. It&#39;s complete nonsense. - culps001 4. Expensive baby stuff is just pointless. For infants, buy everything at ikea. The infant furniture/toys is ridiculously over priced. You don&#39;t need a $200 high chair. You don&#39;t need a $500 crib. Your don&#39;t need a $500 nursing chair. You don&#39;t need $150 baby carrier. Save your money and only spend it on a really good carseat. Don&#39;t agonize over the stroller, rocker, swing, baby carrier. They mostly all do the same thing and the small differences won&#39;t be noticable when you are using it. - hanginonwithtwofingers 5. Don&#39;t overlook your child&#39;s vision. I didn&#39;t take my kid to the optometrist. Doctor and dentist, yes, but I figured optometrists were for people who needed glasses. He seemed to be fine. I didn&#39;t realize there are other vision problems that may not be apparent, which are only correctable if caught early. When one eye started drifting, I took him in. Now he needs expensive vision therapy, and it may be that he&#39;s too old to fully benefit. Vision development happens in the brain as well as the eyes, and the visual system matures around age 7. I wish I&#39;d taken him to be screened earlier. - Mostly_Harmless12 6. This can be a game-changer. Start learning about your emotions now. Not how to control them or make them go away, but how to identify, name, acknowledge, breathe with, love and accept them. Then learn what they are trying to tell you about what you need and want. Life gets a load easier when you can do this. It also saves your child years of therapy. Read &ldquo;The book you wish your parents had read&rdquo; - throwaway4u2021 7. You can possibly research your way into being a better parent. Mine would be to familiarise yourself with psychology of family units, trauma if you have any, and general psychology. It has helped me as a parent so much. Makes navigating tough situations with your child easier when you know where they are coming from and understand your own thought process. I have stopped myself from making regretful decisions from studying psychology and it helped me distance myself from my mothers parenting style which was abusive and traumatic. So many things I didn&rsquo;t realise were extremely important to DO and AVOID. - screamsinbold 8. This sounds incredibly stressful. Not putting your foot down. When I had my kid, I didn&#39;t want any family or friends over for a week to acclimate to this huge life change. An hour after my kid was born, my in-laws showed up at the hospital unannounced and made this massive fuss.   An hour or so later, more distant in-laws (S/O&#39;s aunts/uncles/cousins) showed up, some I hadn&#39;t seen for a good year or so. I pretended to sleep when they randomly showed up without notice to the hospital and then my house.   It also lead to postpartum depression, and wanted nothing to do with my kid the first few weeks. I went through the motions, feeding, bathing, and taking care of him, but there was no love there. Postpartum is a serious thing, and if you see your partner suffering, make time for them. Help them, even if it&#39;s just letting them take a walk alone. - BoneshakerBaybee 9. There may not be one &quot;right&quot; time, but there are plenty of wrong times. People always say there is never a right time to have kids. That&rsquo;s not true! Don&rsquo;t feel pressured to have kids wait until you feel you are in the right mind set emotionally and financially. Don&rsquo;t let family pressure you because you will blame the child for emotional and financial stress you weren&rsquo;t ready for. - jonboalex 10. These are good rules. Praise effort, not traits. Talk to your kid like an adult, from day one. Minimize screen time as much as possible. Don&#39;t get caught up on schedules. All that does is make your kid inflexible and makes you a slave to their schedule.   Don&#39;t react as if every boo-boo is a life threatening injury. In fact, even if it&#39;s instinctual, try to hold back reactions. My experience is that kids with these types of parents don&#39;t overreact when they have a minor injury or fall, and parents who act the opposite have kids that lose their shit if they so much as scrape a knee. - AmigoDelDiablo 11. Now this is smart. If you&rsquo;re going to give in - give in early. For example, if your kid wants ice cream and you say no, and they beg a little that&rsquo;s when you&rsquo;d give in. If you give in once they&rsquo;ve started kicking and screaming then you&rsquo;ve just taught them that&rsquo;s how they get their way.   I&rsquo;m not saying always give in, and I&rsquo;m not saying that you should in the first place. But if you change your mind or decide to give in, do it quick!! Otherwise, follow through and keep it at no. - curiositykilledme__ 12. This could also apply to, like, everything in life... Put down the damn phone. Perpetual low-grade distraction is unhealthy and sets a terrible example. - bog_hippie 13. It&#39;s very easy to give your kid a messed up relationship with food. Don&rsquo;t use food as a reward, it leads to a unhealthy relationship with food. Make sure to use proper portions, no bedtime snacks. If your child is full don&rsquo;t force them to clean the plate. - ShockaZuluu 14. Good cop/bad cop isn&#39;t always the best way to go. Refrain from making one person be the disciplinarian and the other the consoler. Try to share the load. You may fall into one category naturally, but there will be times that you want to be in the other role, and it will take time to transition out of the role you had especially if you&#39;ve done it a long time. This can turn into teenagers who do respect the consoler or in the opposite teenagers who cannot open up to the disciplinarian.   It is not a hard fast rule but my wife and I have kids that at are at very different ages. For our youngest I asked to not be the bad cop all the time, and he is much more affectionate to me than my other kids ever were. I know my other kids love me, but they will always go to m with their problems, and getting them to open up to me can be very difficult. What is worse, it is much easier for them to see me as the enemy on certain days, no matter how much work I&#39;ve done to show them they can trust me.   That said, I know it is difficult for my wife to get the kids to listen to her, and it is really no issue for me. Basically, realize that you are building a long term relationship with your child and starting at very young age. The time will fly by for you, and what same seem trivial to you, may be a very big deal for your kids.   Even after all of that, don&#39;t overthink it. Take time to stop and live in the moment. Raising kids is very rewarding experience. I have 4 ranging from 6 to 17, and each brings us so much in their own way. Four very different personalities, and at the same time pretty much the same people. Enjoy that. - Pancake_Dan 

Is there anything more difficult &mdash; and easier to accidentally find yourself doing &mdash; than raising a kid?  Raising kids isn&#39;t easy, and there are so many different ways to do it. A recent Reddit thread asked, &quot;Parents of...