Teacher asks if she was wrong to tell mom it's her kid's fault he has no friends.

Teaching isn't just teaching; it's also adjudicating spats between students.

And one pre-school teacher is wondering if she messed up by telling a student's parent it's actually his own fault that the other kids are leaving him out. The teacher took to Reddit's 'Am I the a-hole?' forum to find out if she was in the wrong.

The teacher explains that the student is a bit of a narc:

I, (f27) am a pre-school teacher. I have a student “Conner”

If someone sits 3 inches from where they’re supposed to sit, Connor (6) runs to us to report. Someone spills a drop of milk on the table, report.

Someone happens to brush past him, he says “ He just pushed and threw me to the ground”. Someone almost ran into him on a bike, says they rode over his toes on purpose and he is in terrible pain.

He even throws tantrums:

Someone is painting next to him and picks up a pen, cue crying and “She took a pen I was thinking of using soon” If someone is playing with a toy he wants he will throw a tantrum until they get fed up and give it to him.

The other kids don't like him:

All this has led to others taking a distance from him. They have even stopped playing with him outside of school. We’ve tried to get him to be included during school hours and have had multiple talks with him but to no avail. Kids tell us that they feel like they have to walk on eggshells around him and it’s tiring (I’m paraphrasing here)

We have had countless meetings with parents present as well, who dismiss our concerns. He has been evaluated and doesn’t have any diagnoses, disabilities, or anything.

Everything came to a head when he wasn't invited to a birthday party:

The main issue arose when Sarah had a birthday party, and everyone in the class was invited but Conner. He was understandably upset and crying. As we could predict, the mom was there the next day, fuming. She told us we had to force Sarah to invite her son by any means possible.

The mom didn't take it well:

When we said we have no control over what happens after school and that no, we can NOT call a meeting with all parents and tell them they have to make their kids spend time with him as she wants us to, she was furious. She even tried to approach Sarah when she got sight of her but we blocked her and said she is not allowed to talk to her. Poor thing was really scared.

The mom kept causing havoc:

The day after, Sarah’s mom who is a wonderful woman told us that Connor’s mom had called and shouted at her for not inviting him. She didn’t know if she should just invite him but Sarah and a few of her friends had specifically asked for him not to be there. I told her that we would support and respect her wishes whatever she chooses to do.

The party happened and the mom freaked out:

Well, the party was last night. Connor wasn’t invited. The mom shows up the next day, and we went away to talk. Well I talked, she shouted. I was pretty fed up and was wondering if I should call security. She kept screaming and blaming everything and everyone but when she called us useless, incompetent teachers who do nothing while her completely innocent kid was being “emotionally abused“.

So the teacher finally cracked:

I had enough. Told her that he isn’t completely innocent though as we had had many talks and he was excluded because of his own behavior towards others and based on what we’ve seen and heard, it’s pretty understandable. Well, she went from shouting to shrieking and told me I was going to lose my job. I decided to call security after all. I don’t know what’s gonna happen

Now she's wondering if she went too far:

TLDR, I want to know, did I go too far by saying it’s his own fault for not being invited?

The people of Reddit agree that unfortunately, this teacher had no choice.

JetItTogether points out that she tried to be nice:

You've had meetings with the parents... It goes no where.

You've been yelled at by his mom dozens of times... It goes no where.

You've tried to work with the kiddo and with the parents it goes no where.

It's really sad, and this isn't on the kiddo. This is on the parents who are teaching this kiddo how to be a human. They are teaching him to be a terrible one.

LobotomyxGirl says she was in the kid's position, too:

So this story hit me hard because I was the kid who would be left out at parties, who had incredibly huge emotions that I couldn't control, and yes- who alienated themselves from other kids with their s***** behavior.

She continues:

If anything, the teachers reaching out and trying to resolve the situation (this could easily be the parents emotionally neglecting the child at home- so they act out with manipulation for attention) is going above and beyond what was done in my time. I feel so bad for this kid, I hope they figure it out soon before they go on an angry self-destructive path.

Pride_Is_Expensive thinks the mother is passing her own issue to her kid:

That mother thinks she's infallible and is clearly raising her son to think he's infallible. They're both f***** and so is anyone unfortunate enough to have to be around them.

WorstFakeBloodEver makes an important distinction:

You did not blame the kid as so many seem to think; you explained to the parent it is the child's behaviour that is the reason for him being excluded - and that is a massive part of the parent’s responsibility to help form.

And YourThirstNightmare points out how this could help Conner in the long run:

My brother was like Connor growing up. By being left out and ostracized, he learned what he had to do in order to be included. He stopped tattling, he made an effort to be nicer and selfless, and it worked!

Sometimes, tough love it what teaches you life skills.

So unfortunately, this teacher did tell the mom what she needed to hear — whether or not the mom was receptive.

Let's hope poor Conner starts to take the hint from his classmates...