life

<p>No one wants to bring a baby into an abusive home. And one woman is looking for advice about how to handle a sticky situation regarding her pregnancy and her husband&#39;s alleged past.</p><p>The woman, who&#39;s pregnant, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/">asked for advice on Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A-hole?&quot; forum</a>. She&#39;s wondering if it would be wrong to terminate her pregnancy without telling her husband about it, because she recently learned that he was abusive to an ex.</p><p>She and her husband have been together for five years and married for four, she wrote. They&#39;ve been trying to get pregnant for a few years and &quot;finally got lucky.&quot; She found out she was pregnant about a week ago, and hasn&#39;t told her husband yet because he&#39;s been out of town.</p><p>But the day after finding out about her pregnancy, she was going through her husband&#39;s emails (she says they share access for business purposes) when she found old emails from his ex-wife. She goes on:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Now I met my husband when he was newly divorced. He always told me that his ex wife was crazy and toxic and that the marriage ended because of her needy behavior.</p> <p>When I read those emails I got to know that their marriage ended because of his infidelity during her pregnancy. She lost the baby and then he moved on with the other woman. Things didn&#39;t work out with other woman and then he met me.</p> </blockquote><p>So her husband&#39;s previous marriage dissolved because he cheated &mdash; not because his ex was &quot;crazy and toxic&quot; and &quot;needy.&quot; She contacted the ex and decided to meet with her:</p><blockquote> <p>She has since gotten remarried and is expecting a baby with her new husband. When I met her, many things became clear to me. I realized that my husband had lied about how his marriage ended. She seemed like a nice, sorted woman who had suffered through an emotionally abusive marriage with a narcissist - that is my husband.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Now that the woman has learned her husband may have lied, she no longer wants to be with him:</p><blockquote> <p>Now here is the thing, I don&#39;t think I will be able to continue with a marriage build on lies. He is not the person I thought he was. I also think that in the wake of this discovery, I don&#39;t feel comfortable having a baby with him.</p> </blockquote><p>So now she&#39;s debating whether it would be okay for her to terminate the pregnancy, then the marriage.</p><blockquote> <p>I told my best friend that I plan to terminate (I&#39;m only 5 weeks along) without letting him know that I was pregnant in the first place. In my opinion, we need to talk about the issues in our marriage first. I&#39;m not even sure if I want to be married to him anymore. My friend told me that I will be the asshole if I don&#39;t tell him about my pregnancy. I feel like telling him about my pregnancy will complicate the situation further and ruin any chance of an honest conversation with him.</p> <p>I really want to know. [Would I be the a-hole] if I don&#39;t tell my husband about my pregnancy?</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>People have pretty mixed opinions.</h2><p>User <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f86mgng/">kr_sparkles</a> says the woman should focus on her safety first and foremost.</p><p>&quot;In abusive relationships, pregnancy is an extremely dangerous time,&quot; they wrote. &quot;With the recent revelations about your husband, you need to ensure your safety.&quot;</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f86mvfu/">Lickitstickitstamps4</a> agreed, saying, &quot;if anything he is going to turn around and do the same thing to you that he did to his ex.&quot;</p><p>But <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f86myxm/">bitchy_badger</a> asked for more details:</p><blockquote> <p>has he ever displayed that behavior to you? People can change, some relationships work and others don&rsquo;t. If you haven&rsquo;t seen a hint of what she describes I would take a long sober look at the situation - seek counseling - before you chuck a pregnancy and husband</p> </blockquote><p>The original poster responded, saying:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>He is very particular about his privacy. I only have access to his email account because he uses it for purely business reasons. I guess he forgot to delete the old emails. From what his ex told me, he was good to her when they got together but carried on with a whole double life with a mistress. Full of gaslighting and lies. I&#39;m not saying people don&#39;t change, but I don&#39;t want to take a chance with my life and future. I&#39;m fairly young now. I don&#39;t want to lose 10 years of my life in a relationship that is build on lies.</p> </blockquote><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f87414k/">Transothewonderkitty</a> applauded her:</p><blockquote> <p>You&#39;re a smart one and god I wish I saw more forward-thinking women protecting themselves from potentially shitty men this way. Thumbs up up up. This is thorny but you&#39;re going to come out on top.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>But not everyone was on the woman&#39;s side.</h2><p>&quot;This seems EXTREMELY one sided,&quot; <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f86q8o9/">yeetus-Antq</a> wrote. &quot;I would like to hear the husbands story of what actually happened.&quot;</p><p>&quot;We haven&#39;t heard from the husband here. Neither has OP - what if her husband&#39;s ex is just a really bitter ex who&#39;s great at lying?&quot; wrote <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f8719cc/">Dont420BlazeMeBruh</a>.</p><p>But the woman clarified again:</p><blockquote> <p>My husband made her out be this horrible, psychotic person who made his life unbearable with her constant neediness. He said that was the only reason their marriage ended. Imagine my shock when I found out what really went on in their marriage.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f873xn6/">S0URxCHERRY</a> chimed in:</p><blockquote> <p>How is it one sided if she initially got the information via old emails that were between the ex-wife and the husband? Doesn&#39;t that incriminate him as it is? It&#39;s not like the ex showed up on this womans doorstep all of a sudden with this story.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dzc3du/wibta_if_i_dont_tell_my_husband_that_im_pregnant/f87an2j/">Pregnancyinsomnia</a> went fully against the original poster, saying:</p><blockquote> <p>YTA if you make decisions based on the word of a stranger before even speaking with the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with.</p> <p>You know nothing about this woman. You don&#39;t know if she&#39;s mentally stable, vindictive, jealous... anything. You&#39;re making judgement calls based on her side of the story and judging him base on what his ex says.</p> <p>Pregnancy hormones can create a subconscious feeling of vulnerability. This doesn&#39;t invalidate how you&#39;re feeling at all but is important to be aware of.</p> <p>Talk to the man you married about his previous relationship and the conversation you had with his ex.</p> </blockquote><h2>But for the most part, people advised her to GTFO of there.</h2><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if it's okay to end pregnancy without telling husband after learning his abusive past.

No one wants to bring a baby into an abusive home. And one woman is looking for advice about how to handle a sticky situation regarding her pregnancy and her husband&#39;s alleged past.The woman, who&#39;s pregnant, asked for advice on Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A-hole?&quot; forum. She&#39;s wondering if it would be wrong to terminate her pregnancy without telling her husband about it, because she recently learned that he was abusive to an ex.She and her husband have been together for five years and married for four, she wrote. They&#39;ve been trying to get pregnant for a few years and &quot;finally got lucky.&quot; She found out she was pregnant about a week ago, and hasn&#39;t told her husband yet because he&#39;s been out of town.But the day after finding out about her pregnancy, she was going through her husband&#39;s emails (she says they share access for business purposes) when she found old emails from his ex-wife. She goes on: Now I met my husband when he was newly divorced. He always told me that his ex wife was crazy and toxic and that the marriage ended because of her needy behavior. When I read those emails I got to know that their marriage ended because of his infidelity during her pregnancy. She lost the baby and then he moved on with the other woman. Things didn&#39;t work out with other woman and then he met me. So her husband&#39;s previous marriage dissolved because he cheated &mdash; not because his ex was &quot;crazy and toxic&quot; and &quot;needy.&quot; She contacted the ex and decided to meet with her: She has since gotten remarried and is expecting a baby with her new husband. When I met her, many things became clear to me. I realized that my husband had lied about how his marriage ended. She seemed like a nice, sorted woman who had suffered through an emotionally abusive marriage with a narcissist - that is my husband. Now that the woman has learned her husband may have lied, she no longer wants to be with him: Now here is the thing, I don&#39;t think I will be able to continue with a marriage build on lies. He is not the person I thought he was. I also think that in the wake of this discovery, I don&#39;t feel comfortable having a baby with him. So now she&#39;s debating whether it would be okay for her to terminate the pregnancy, then the marriage. I told my best friend that I plan to terminate (I&#39;m only 5 weeks along) without letting him know that I was pregnant in the first place. In my opinion, we need to talk about the issues in our marriage first. I&#39;m not even sure if I want to be married to him anymore. My friend told me that I will be the asshole if I don&#39;t tell him about my pregnancy. I feel like telling him about my pregnancy will complicate the situation further and ruin any chance of an honest conversation with him. I really want to know. [Would I be the a-hole] if I don&#39;t tell my husband about my pregnancy? People have pretty mixed opinions.User kr_sparkles says the woman should focus on her safety first and foremost.&quot;In abusive relationships, pregnancy is an extremely dangerous time,&quot; they wrote. &quot;With the recent revelations about your husband, you need to ensure your safety.&quot;Lickitstickitstamps4 agreed, saying, &quot;if anything he is going to turn around and do the same thing to you that he did to his ex.&quot;But bitchy_badger asked for more details: has he ever displayed that behavior to you? People can change, some relationships work and others don&rsquo;t. If you haven&rsquo;t seen a hint of what she describes I would take a long sober look at the situation - seek counseling - before you chuck a pregnancy and husband The original poster responded, saying: He is very particular about his privacy. I only have access to his email account because he uses it for purely business reasons. I guess he forgot to delete the old emails. From what his ex told me, he was good to her when they got together but carried on with a whole double life with a mistress. Full of gaslighting and lies. I&#39;m not saying people don&#39;t change, but I don&#39;t want to take a chance with my life and future. I&#39;m fairly young now. I don&#39;t want to lose 10 years of my life in a relationship that is build on lies. Transothewonderkitty applauded her: You&#39;re a smart one and god I wish I saw more forward-thinking women protecting themselves from potentially shitty men this way. Thumbs up up up. This is thorny but you&#39;re going to come out on top. But not everyone was on the woman&#39;s side.&quot;This seems EXTREMELY one sided,&quot; yeetus-Antq wrote. &quot;I would like to hear the husbands story of what actually happened.&quot;&quot;We haven&#39;t heard from the husband here. Neither has OP - what if her husband&#39;s ex is just a really bitter ex who&#39;s great at lying?&quot; wrote Dont420BlazeMeBruh.But the woman clarified again: My husband made her out be this horrible, psychotic person who made his life unbearable with her constant neediness. He said that was the only reason their marriage ended. Imagine my shock when I found out what really went on in their marriage. And S0URxCHERRY chimed in: How is it one sided if she initially got the information via old emails that were between the ex-wife and the husband? Doesn&#39;t that incriminate him as it is? It&#39;s not like the ex showed up on this womans doorstep all of a sudden with this story. Pregnancyinsomnia went fully against the original poster, saying: YTA if you make decisions based on the word of a stranger before even speaking with the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with. You know nothing about this woman. You don&#39;t know if she&#39;s mentally stable, vindictive, jealous... anything. You&#39;re making judgement calls based on her side of the story and judging him base on what his ex says. Pregnancy hormones can create a subconscious feeling of vulnerability. This doesn&#39;t invalidate how you&#39;re feeling at all but is important to be aware of. Talk to the man you married about his previous relationship and the conversation you had with his ex. But for the most part, people advised her to GTFO of there.

No one wants to bring a baby into an abusive home. And one woman is looking for advice about how to handle a sticky situation regarding her pregnancy and her husband&#39;s alleged past.  The woman, who&#39;s pregnant, asked for advice on...