life

<p>A question from a mom about whether she should meet the daughter she gave up as an infant is <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/">dividing Reddit</a>.</p><p>The woman shared her story with Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A-hole?&quot; forum, seeking advice. The jist is that she gave up her daughter to her cheating husband and another woman (who was also pregnant with his child) 14 years ago. Now the daughter wants to meet her &mdash; and she&#39;s not into it.</p><h2>The whole thing started with a cheating scandal:</h2><blockquote> <p>Many years ago, I was married to man named Mark. 2 years into the marriage, I found out he was cheating on me and got the other woman pregnant. It was a huge blow because I too was pregnant with his child. I was only 9 weeks pregnant and was determined to abort the child and divorce him. He begged me to reconsider, and insisted I give our relationship a second chance, and so I did, albeit reluctantly.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>And it turned out his affair wasn&#39;t a one-time thing.</h2><blockquote> <p>I had a very unhappy pregnancy and when I was 6 months pregnant, I learned that he never stopped seeing the other woman. He told me that he was torn and that he was in love with both of us. I wasn&#39;t willing to tolerate any of that bullshit, so I moved out and filed for divorce. I wanted him to disappear from my life, but being pregnant with his child made things difficult.</p> <p>I never bonded with the baby , and the baby being his offspring contributed to the negative emotions that I felt.</p> </blockquote><h2>So she gave up the baby to her now-ex and his new partner.</h2><blockquote> <p>I told him that I didn&#39;t want this baby. So when he got together with the other woman, I gave her the choice to adopt the baby, which she did. With that, I officially signed over my parental rights as soon as the girl turned 6 months old (I left the day she was born). When I left, I told Mark that I didn&#39;t want anything to do with the girl and the other woman was free to be her mother.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>Now, her life is completely different.</h2><blockquote> <p>I moved to another country and tried to leave that part of my life behind. I met a wonderful man and we got married. He knew all about my past and now we have 3 wonderful kids who are 9, 5 and 2 years old.</p> </blockquote><h2>But her ex seems unwilling to let sleeping dogs lie.</h2><blockquote> <p>Recently, my ex Mark contacted me out of the blue and told me that my biological daughter, who is 14 now, wants to meet me. Apparently, his wife had passed away and before she died, she confessed that she wasn&#39;t her biological mother.</p> <p>I&#39;m torn. I don&#39;t want to meet this kid. It was very difficult for me to leave that part of my life behind. I was depressed for years. I reminded him that I gave up my parental rights years ago and that I wanted nothing to do with both of them. I planned on telling my kids about their half sibling once they were grown and mentally mature, not right now when they are still so little. I told him to never contact me again and hanged up.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><h2>So is she in the wrong for refusing to see the kid?</h2><p>No one can seem to agree on the answer. On the &quot;not the a-hole&quot; side, some are saying she has every right to box the child out of her life.</p><p>One user, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9owbze/">indianatarheel</a>, suggested ensuring the daughter has her medical history and that&#39;s it:</p><blockquote> <p>It&#39;s clear you will not be pursuing a significant relationship with this kid, and I think it would be more cruel to meet her once, possibly giving her hope that you guys will continue to communicate, than to just continue being absent.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9oxzag/">SimplyBewildered</a> agreed, saying a meeting could do more harm than good:</p><blockquote> <p>That girl (the one you gave birth to 14 years ago) lost her REAL mother. She doesn&#39;t need the trauma of meeting you. You were just a host for 9 months. Please, for her sake, never change your mind.</p> </blockquote><p>Many, like <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9p03y2/">thatcrazyplantgirl</a>, blamed her ex for being the a-hole. Some suggested it was not cool for the girl&#39;s late mother to spill the beans on her death bed.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>He should be the one to explain to his daughter why his biological mom is not in the picture and why you want nothing to do with her. It&rsquo;s sad but I totally understand where you&rsquo;re coming from. That&rsquo;s just a lot of pain you don&rsquo;t want to relive, nor should you.</p> </blockquote><h2>But a sizable contingent think the biological mom owes her daughter at least one meeting.</h2><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9pb22k/">Primertime</a> says the daughter&#39;s life might never feel complete without the meeting.</p><blockquote> <p>At the end of the day you made and gave birth to a child. The LEAST you owe to her is a conversation. Why do people think you can sign your parental rights over and that gives you the right to have nothing to do with them? You created a human being. I seriously cannot believe that you aren&#39;t even willing to have a conservation and give her the answers that she will NEED.</p> <p>Children growing up without a biological parent has a serious impact on them, whether they have a good substitute or not. People like you make me so angry. You wanted nothing to do with her cause it was a tough time for you? Well guess what, life ain&#39;t fucking fair, and she will have questions and doubts herself- for her WHOLE LIFE!!!</p> <p>My ex partner grew up with a fantastic step dad from the first day he was born and not his real dad. But he would still always question, why didn&#39;t he real dad want him? Why did he not even reach out once? It NEVER goes away. You are a serious AH</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>Some adoptees, like <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9p805w/">BacksideBugle</a>, weighed in to say this meeting could be more important to the daughter than she realizes.</p><blockquote> <p>I understand your pain but as a kid who was in her shoes and who will never know who I truly am or ever be fully complete I&#39;d say you absolutely owe her at least a single conversation. She didn&#39;t ask to be born and adopted any more than you asked to be pregnant. But it happened. The reality is and will always be that you are her birth mother. Now you need to be an adult and take one for the team. Your pain is not the only pain here. Stop being so selfish. Call me biased or call me experienced but that&#39;s how I feel.</p> <p>If you want better advice I suggest you re-post this in r/Adopted.</p> </blockquote><p>And <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9p7nle/">Cocotte3333</a> pointed out that while she has every right to refuse the meeting, that might be an a-hole thing to do.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Honestly, people won&#39;t agree but YTA. You could meet them at least once instead of making them wonder and be thorn for the rest of her life. Don&#39;t be a selifsh a**hole. You can&#39;t understand the deep, violent desire to know your roots. If you deprive her of that she&#39;s going to suffer all her life and you&#39;re setting her up to be f*cked up.</p> <p>Seriously, this sub is weird sometimes. &#39;&#39; YoU HaVe The RiGhT To....&#39;&#39; Having a right doesn&#39;t make you NOT an a**hole.</p> </blockquote><h2>After seeing this wide variety of responses, it&#39;s clear <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e6avb1/aita_for_refusing_to_meet_my_biological_daughter/f9p9zd6/">stevenbass14</a> probably gets it right:</h2><blockquote> <p>Definitely think this is above the [Reddit Am I the A-hole?] pay grade.</p> <p>Talk to your husband and maybe a counselor.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Woman asks if it would be wrong to refuse meeting her biological daughter.

A question from a mom about whether she should meet the daughter she gave up as an infant is dividing Reddit.The woman shared her story with Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A-hole?&quot; forum, seeking advice. The jist is that she gave up her daughter to her cheating husband and another woman (who was also pregnant with his child) 14 years ago. Now the daughter wants to meet her &mdash; and she&#39;s not into it.The whole thing started with a cheating scandal: Many years ago, I was married to man named Mark. 2 years into the marriage, I found out he was cheating on me and got the other woman pregnant. It was a huge blow because I too was pregnant with his child. I was only 9 weeks pregnant and was determined to abort the child and divorce him. He begged me to reconsider, and insisted I give our relationship a second chance, and so I did, albeit reluctantly. And it turned out his affair wasn&#39;t a one-time thing. I had a very unhappy pregnancy and when I was 6 months pregnant, I learned that he never stopped seeing the other woman. He told me that he was torn and that he was in love with both of us. I wasn&#39;t willing to tolerate any of that bullshit, so I moved out and filed for divorce. I wanted him to disappear from my life, but being pregnant with his child made things difficult. I never bonded with the baby , and the baby being his offspring contributed to the negative emotions that I felt. So she gave up the baby to her now-ex and his new partner. I told him that I didn&#39;t want this baby. So when he got together with the other woman, I gave her the choice to adopt the baby, which she did. With that, I officially signed over my parental rights as soon as the girl turned 6 months old (I left the day she was born). When I left, I told Mark that I didn&#39;t want anything to do with the girl and the other woman was free to be her mother. Now, her life is completely different. I moved to another country and tried to leave that part of my life behind. I met a wonderful man and we got married. He knew all about my past and now we have 3 wonderful kids who are 9, 5 and 2 years old. But her ex seems unwilling to let sleeping dogs lie. Recently, my ex Mark contacted me out of the blue and told me that my biological daughter, who is 14 now, wants to meet me. Apparently, his wife had passed away and before she died, she confessed that she wasn&#39;t her biological mother. I&#39;m torn. I don&#39;t want to meet this kid. It was very difficult for me to leave that part of my life behind. I was depressed for years. I reminded him that I gave up my parental rights years ago and that I wanted nothing to do with both of them. I planned on telling my kids about their half sibling once they were grown and mentally mature, not right now when they are still so little. I told him to never contact me again and hanged up. So is she in the wrong for refusing to see the kid?No one can seem to agree on the answer. On the &quot;not the a-hole&quot; side, some are saying she has every right to box the child out of her life.One user, indianatarheel, suggested ensuring the daughter has her medical history and that&#39;s it: It&#39;s clear you will not be pursuing a significant relationship with this kid, and I think it would be more cruel to meet her once, possibly giving her hope that you guys will continue to communicate, than to just continue being absent. And SimplyBewildered agreed, saying a meeting could do more harm than good: That girl (the one you gave birth to 14 years ago) lost her REAL mother. She doesn&#39;t need the trauma of meeting you. You were just a host for 9 months. Please, for her sake, never change your mind. Many, like thatcrazyplantgirl, blamed her ex for being the a-hole. Some suggested it was not cool for the girl&#39;s late mother to spill the beans on her death bed. He should be the one to explain to his daughter why his biological mom is not in the picture and why you want nothing to do with her. It&rsquo;s sad but I totally understand where you&rsquo;re coming from. That&rsquo;s just a lot of pain you don&rsquo;t want to relive, nor should you. But a sizable contingent think the biological mom owes her daughter at least one meeting.Primertime says the daughter&#39;s life might never feel complete without the meeting. At the end of the day you made and gave birth to a child. The LEAST you owe to her is a conversation. Why do people think you can sign your parental rights over and that gives you the right to have nothing to do with them? You created a human being. I seriously cannot believe that you aren&#39;t even willing to have a conservation and give her the answers that she will NEED. Children growing up without a biological parent has a serious impact on them, whether they have a good substitute or not. People like you make me so angry. You wanted nothing to do with her cause it was a tough time for you? Well guess what, life ain&#39;t fucking fair, and she will have questions and doubts herself- for her WHOLE LIFE!!! My ex partner grew up with a fantastic step dad from the first day he was born and not his real dad. But he would still always question, why didn&#39;t he real dad want him? Why did he not even reach out once? It NEVER goes away. You are a serious AH Some adoptees, like BacksideBugle, weighed in to say this meeting could be more important to the daughter than she realizes. I understand your pain but as a kid who was in her shoes and who will never know who I truly am or ever be fully complete I&#39;d say you absolutely owe her at least a single conversation. She didn&#39;t ask to be born and adopted any more than you asked to be pregnant. But it happened. The reality is and will always be that you are her birth mother. Now you need to be an adult and take one for the team. Your pain is not the only pain here. Stop being so selfish. Call me biased or call me experienced but that&#39;s how I feel. If you want better advice I suggest you re-post this in r/Adopted. And Cocotte3333 pointed out that while she has every right to refuse the meeting, that might be an a-hole thing to do. Honestly, people won&#39;t agree but YTA. You could meet them at least once instead of making them wonder and be thorn for the rest of her life. Don&#39;t be a selifsh a**hole. You can&#39;t understand the deep, violent desire to know your roots. If you deprive her of that she&#39;s going to suffer all her life and you&#39;re setting her up to be f*cked up. Seriously, this sub is weird sometimes. &#39;&#39; YoU HaVe The RiGhT To....&#39;&#39; Having a right doesn&#39;t make you NOT an a**hole. After seeing this wide variety of responses, it&#39;s clear stevenbass14 probably gets it right: Definitely think this is above the [Reddit Am I the A-hole?] pay grade. Talk to your husband and maybe a counselor. 

A question from a mom about whether she should meet the daughter she gave up as an infant is dividing Reddit.  The woman shared her story with Reddit&#39;s &quot;Am I the A-hole?&quot; forum, seeking advice. The jist is that she gave up...