The moment you announce an engagement, you can expect other people's opinions to come flooding in. One woman is wondering if she went too far in telling a frenemy to cram it.
A newly engaged future bride took to Reddit to ask for advice after she told a perpetually single friend 'exactly why' she's not married.
So I'm engaged. This news has been circling through my old high school friends and I've been getting a lot of nice messages about it from everyone except this girl Kate. Kate and I were friends in middle school/high school, but I haven't spoken to her since then (we are both 25).
When we were kids she was very clear that her whole goal in life was to get married and become a SAHM. Dope, you do you. She's always been very traditional and feminine and I've always been very tomboyish/masculine. This never posed an issue when we were friends.
Since I got engaged Kate has felt the need to let me, and everyone else, know how she 'doesn't understand how' I'm engaged. She said 'OP is just not what anyone thinks of as wife material' and 'OP just isn't very feminine, it's surprising she's getting married first' or just straight up making fun of the fact that I make more money than my fiance and he's taking my last name.
I sent her a message 'hey kate. I've heard from some other people what you've been saying and it's hurtful to me' and she hasn't stopped. My best friend thinks I should be more empathetic because Kate always imagined she'd be pregnant with baby #1 at 25, and instead she's never even had a boyfriend.
This is where I might be TA. We were in a group chat talking about my wedding and Kate said 'it's crazy that you're getting married when you don't even shave your legs' and I just snapped and wrote 'stop shitting on me just because you're lonely.'
'No one wants to marry you because you have no thoughts or feelings or ambitions outside of being a wife or a mother. You're just jealous because I'm successful and happy and you're living at home with mom and dad and failing on Christian Mingle'
I know I was mean, but I feel like I was pushed and I tried to tell her that she was hurting me. Other people told her to stop as well.
Boorikano thinks her mildly a-hole behavior was justifiable:
People don't seem to understand consequences these days, it's all fun until their feelings get hurt. She is hurting and taking it out on you, despite you and many others repeatedly telling her to stop.
Yes you could've put the phone down or responded to just her or done a number of different things, but honestly she needs to grow up and I can't blame you for snapping. You don't deserve to be belittled like that (especially during such a stressful time as wedding planning) because she's insecure and bitter.
And mielparochun agreed:
the truth hurts. She’s clearly insecure. She’s also probably [not] married because she has some entitlement issues. If she was so hot why hasn’t she had a bf? Sorry not sorry. Someone should have told her a long time ago.
Smalltownmortician says they're both at fault, but it was probably worth it:
[Everyone sucks here,] she totally deserved it but you were extra brutal. That being said sometimes it's fun to be an a-hole and I think you picked a good time lol.
And marheena thinks maybe Kate will thank her one day:
She needs a reality check and sounds like nobody else is giving it to her. Maybe you helped her in the long run. Time will tell.
So there you have it. It's okay to be a little bit of an a-hole if someone's poked you for long enough!