One woman has had enough of her sister and brother-in-law's belly-aching about having to watch their own three kids. She took to Reddit to ask whether it's okay for her to ask the couple to take a chill pill and stop complaining.
My sister has 3 children under 5. She works full time due to choice. She always says that while her husband makes more than enough to support the family in a middle class lifestyle, she can’t imagine being home with all the kids all day.
Right now, she’s at home working 12 hours a week for full pay. My BIL is a consultant, so he’s working about 20 hours a week right now for full pay since most people are engaging his company’s services.
I’ve heard nonstop complaining from both of them about how hard it is to be with the kids. This is nothing new. If we’re visiting on a Saturday and we head outside with one parent to grab food out of the car, both parents will be horrified that the other was left alone for 5 minutes.
I don’t have kids, but I have nannied for a family of 4 and worked at a daycare. I feel that sometimes, their reactions are over the top. They chose to have the kids, and that means that they have to actually spend some time with them.
When my sister was complaining on the phone yesterday, I said “yeah, but they could be good, because you get to be with your kids more than usual.” She said: “obviously you have no idea how hard it is to be around them this much.”
I said: “well you knew it could be when you chose to have them.” She hung up with me and we haven’t talked since. [Am I the a-hole] here?
My problem isn’t that she’s saying it now with everything going on, it’s that she’s been saying it since they could walk. She says it in front of the kids in a slightly joking manner and expects me to laugh at it with her I.e. “can you believe I had to take the three of them to the playground today alone haha what a nightmare.”
I really love my nieces and it bothers me. So I’m looking for judgment more on a general level - I get that it’s a bit different with everything going on, but I don’t see this stopping anytime soon, even once the kids are back in daycare.
people shouldn't have children if they're THAT opposed to spending time with them. Yes it's hard, yes everyone gets to complain sometimes, but if complaining about parenthood has become their ENTIRE personality then they made the wrong choice.
brntchckngngt thinks the sister bit off more than she can chew, but shouldn't take it out on the kids:
it sounds like she had kids because she wanted the aesthetic of a nuclear family but then didn't want to do any of the childcare. imagine growing up knowing that the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally resent you and hate being around you. you rightfully called her out.
sinkydoodles says that as a parent, the Who's-More-Stressed Olympics can be exhausting:
I get your sister’s pain, I’m in my house with one kid. I’ve always worked full time so it’s a whole new adjustment to be at home with kiddo 24/7, especially when he has aspergers and is NOT happy with his whole life routine changing.....
But my god, one of my pals has 3 kids and every. Single. Day. She’s on the phone complaining. If I say this is hard she’ll say HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL I HAVE THREE!!!
Eventually said well you f***** well chose to have 3, there’s a reason I was one and done!
Anyway, make child mind child.
Chemgal32 clearly wants to watch the parenting world burn:
When parents complain, I am always tempted to ask them if they think their kids are difficult because of nature or nurture? Either way, if your kids are unusually difficult, it is usually due to some parenting issues. People that complain the most about caring for their kids would be shocked at how enough sleep and a schedule that is followed on a regular basis works wonders to keep younger kids manageable.
But RoxyMcfly thinks this childless woman knows not of what she speaks:
Complaining right now due to world events is normal. Kids are not being stimulated, they are off their schedule. It's not like things are open where you can do things with them outside of the house. I have 1 kid and it's so hard all day every day.
Parents complain about their kids all the time, it's not because they dont love them, but kids are hard. You worked for a daycare and was a nanny, you literally get to go home without kids.
Try being at home 24/7 for a month or 2 without being able to go anywhere and tell people how it is. I love my child, I cant even imagine having 3 small ones. I feel for her. Everyone does have problems, but it doesn't mean she doesn't. I say [you're not the a-hole], but cut her some slack.
Daycare and being a nanny isn’t even close. You just had to keep them alive for a few hours. They didn’t have a true bond with you even if they liked you.
Their parents have all the difficult parts of feeding, clothing, discipline, getting them to sleep, making sure they are healthy, making decisions about the family as a whole, explaining current events, worrying about exposure, keeping them occupied without being able to leave the house or have others over, etc. Their kids are not old enough to do basically anything themselves.
TunaMustard has some strong words for the woman:
Your sister didn't do anything but vent, which is something you're supposed to be able to do with close friends and family.
In a world without time machines, how is this helpful? You were being intentionally dismissive and catty with her, saying that you don't care about her problems. And no, she didn't sign up for a 24/7 shelter-in-place order lasting weeks with virtually no break from her home, spouse, or kids (and working a bit to boot). Let her vent, 'cause why not?
Also, her saying that she is working by choice might just be something she says to others. They might really rely on her income.