Sometimes you just need an outsider's opinion to find out if you're right, or you're just 'The A**hole.'
Our Facebook group Am I The A*Hole? lets people anonymously state their case, and receive unfiltered judgment from their peers on life's stickiest situations. From family drama to roommate woes, to literal baby poop, these 5 people need your help to find out if they really are 'The A**hole.'
1. Asks if she's 'The A**hole' for leaving her niece's birthday party after fighting with a family friend.
So I (30f) was at my niece's birthday party today, and in attendance was my dad's deceased best friend's wife, we will call her Donna (67f). So Donna was basically like a second mother to me growing up, my mom left me and my sisters when we were really young and we were constantly at Donna's house.
Donna was always super mean to me when I was a kid, like I literally got in trouble for everything I did or said so needless to say we don't have the best relationship.
At the party today, we were all talking about funny childhood memories (I shared about the time that my grandma made me get into a high chair when I was way too old to be in a high chair and I got stuck lol) and Donna decided that this was the perfect opportunity to tell everyone at the party including my two children (15&10) who are standing right beside me that I've always been a spoiled brat.
I've never had any consequences for my actions, I'm never gotten any type of discipline, Etc. I tried to laugh it off and said tell me how you really feel Donna and she said I just did.
So obviously my feelings are really hurt by this and I'm kind of in shock that she would sit there and insult me in front of my family and my kids and more hurt by the fact that no one said anything in my defense. (granted, my 15-year-old was/is livid)
So I quietly walked over to my sister whispered in her ear what had happened and let her know that we were going to go ahead and leave early I gave my niece her present gave her hugs and kisses and we left.
Now everyone is saying that I caused drama at the birthday party because I left early and I should have just stayed. Personally, I feel like when I was a child I didn't have a choice but to deal with Donna's disdain for me but now that I'm an adult I don't have to subject myself to that. AITA?
So what do you think? Should #1 have taken Donna's insults to maintain peace at the party or was she justified in leaving when things got heated?
2. Asks 'AITA for refusing to cook my partner dinner, one night, because he refused to help around the house?'
My fiance and I work a similar amount of hours each week. When I am not at work, I clean the house, care for our animals, go to therapy, cook, etc. When he is not at work he is asleep.
I am legally blind, as well as physically and mentally disabled. He is perfectly healthy. Because I am legally blind, he has to do the driving (like running to the laundry mat since we don't have a washer or dryer).
Today (my one day off a week) I had to do laundry so I had clean work clothes for the week. He knew this several days ago and even blew it off days ago when I asked if we could do laundry a few days early.
He claimed he was tired, and went upstairs to take a nap instead of just getting done what we needed to get done. So instead of cooking dinner, I hand-washed my work clothes and hung them up to dry. When he woke up (with barely enough time to get dressed without being late for work) he threw a fit because I didn't cook him dinner.
Am I the a-hole for not cooking him dinner, despite having to take the time to hand wash my clothes?
Is this woman's fiancé entitled to a home-cooked meal after he refused to help her with laundry or should she dump him before they say 'I do?'
3. Asks if they are 'The A-Hole' for spending $100 to re-home a stray dog instead of paying spouse's bills.
Background: Married 16 years; 1 child.
I work a full-time job, my spouse worked a full-time job when we married but left it about 5 years in and never quite made it back to FT. His part-time job earns about 1/3 what I do when he works all 3 days in the week.
I have used the money my mother left me to pay off our house, pay my spouse’s student loan debts, and pay for 1 used car and 1 brand new car for my spouse over the years. Our salaries alone don’t pay all the bills so I have also used that inheritance money to offset what my salary and my spouse’s salary don’t cover.
Recently, the inheritance that I set aside to offset my spouse not working has finally run its course-mostly. I get the odd check here and there from an investment and for small amounts like a hundred dollars and I put that towards anything not in the budget hat I need to cover for myself like the occasional new car tire, a new shirt, or a charity donation.
I told my spouse about 2 months ago that I could no longer cover what they failed to pay into the monthly expenses. I pay $2400/mo and my spouse pays $900. I could cover myself and they would have to cover their $900. Despite this conversation, my spouse worked less than part-time hours at their store this past month.
They could have picked up an extra shift or two to make up for it, but didn’t. I stuck to my guns and said I would not cover their part as I was already covering 3/4 of the bills and I needed them to step up. We have both been doing without extras to reduce costs.
Fast forward to today. My spouse found out I spent $100 of my occasional “extra” to help rehabilitate a dog that was dumped in my neighborhood. (4 of us neighbors are working together to share the expense to rescue this dog and re-home him)
My spouse felt I should have told them about the expense and is upset they are doing without extras when I am helping to pay for an animal that isn’t mine. I maintain that I have done my part and then some. That this will not impact my ability or willingness to pay my 3/4 of our expenses.
Am I an asshole for not wanting to give up every single penny I have coming in and save a small modicum for my discretionary use when I cover so much else of the cost? I might feel differently if we were both working full time or if my spouse offset not working as much with taking on more home responsibilities but that has never been the case.
Is it acceptable for spouses to have their own money to spend as they wish, or does every purchase for the family count when money is tight? They aren't contributing equally to expenses, so what do you think?
4. Asks, 'Am I The A**hole for reporting NICU nurse over a dirty diaper?'
Ok, am I the a**hole? So my brother and his girlfriend just had their 1st baby and he has some issues at birth so is in the NICU.
Well he had pooped and I mean he blew out it was coming out of his diaper. And when the nurse was told she told them they couldn't change the baby till his 'care time ' which was an hour away. So I reported her to the hospital administration and the head of her department.
Now my brother and his GF, along with my mom, are calling me the a**hole saying that he was pooping back to back so he would have been fine. Where I say he should be changed every time he gets done so as to avoid diaper rash or other infections.
So am I the a**hole for reporting the nurse and telling my brother and his GF to step up and stand up for their kid so he can simply have his diaper changed?
If your nephew needs help, do you speak up or leave it to the parents? This person thought they were doing the right thing, but his family disagreed. Who is 'The A**hole' here.
5. Asks, 'AITA for calling the police on my roommate after he said he wanted to burn the house down?'
My fiance (29m) and I (24f) had to call the police on our roommate (27m) after watching him slowly slip into psychosis?
My fiance and I decided to have our best friend move in with us, 2k miles away, after months of seeing him miserable in his then-living situation. In which, his father called the police on him for the same reason, 2 years earlier.
Before everything started to get really bad, he had had multiple mental health 'breaks,' which has resulted in the same way every time. This time, he started to believe he had disassociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) and was having arguments with characters from his favorite show, claiming they were his alters/head mates.
My fiance and I both have had our share of mental health issues, along with experiencing a similarly unhealthy (and terrifying) living situation prior to buying our current house. We understand that at some point, he had lost touch with reality, and was acting on pure instinct.
While in the throws of his episode, I heard him yell that he wanted to burn our house down, and take our animals away from us. Shortly after, a mutual friend of ours (20f) messaged me while on the phone with him, expressing concern about his and our safety.
After a while of talking with said mutual friend, and our neighbor who just happen to be outside at the time, I told my fiance to put our animals in our bedroom, lock the door, put our dresser in front of the door, and wait in the car with me while we called dispatch. (We have a weird house, and have a door leading from our bedroom to our front porch.)
After what felt like forever, he was ushered to our local hospital for a crisis evaluation, but not before telling the officers he didn't want to see us as he was leaving because of how mad he was.
We love our roommate, and want what's best for him, but I can't shake the feeling that I made a bad choice. Days before, he had talked about some very concerning subjects and even accused my fiance of hacking his Facebook at one point, despite openly hating Facebook for as long as I've known him.
I didn't WANT to make this decision, and feel the weight of a whole world on my shoulders, and can't shake the feeling that it's my fault.
These roommates tried to help, but they got more than they bargained for dealing with their roommate's mental health issues. Was calling the police out of line or were they just protecting themselves by calling the police?