Lifestyle

<p>Between the <a href="https://www.someecards.com/news/news/25-funniest-tweets-democratic-debate/">two Democratic debates </a>and one Trump rally, it was a banner week for screaming: some of it earned, and some of it<a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2019/08/trump-supporters-called-racists/595333/"> racist</a> (racists have yet to learn that the key to not being called racist is not being racist). Almost as cathartic as screaming in real life is figuratively yelling on Twitter. Here are the funniest tweets from the funniest Twitter this week.</p><p><span style="font-family: BlinkMacSystemFont, -apple-system, &quot;Segoe UI&quot;, Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, &quot;Fira Sans&quot;, &quot;Droid Sans&quot;, &quot;Helvetica Neue&quot;, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.1rem; letter-spacing: -0.01em;">1.</span></p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Giants Strippers<br> 🤝 <br>Grinding men’s bones to make their bread</p>&mdash; cathy humes (@CrappyFumes) <a href="https://twitter.com/CrappyFumes/status/1156971704234565632?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>2.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sex is good but have you ever gotten a dm from someone saying your ex was so bad at DJ-ing he is no longer allowed back in the establishment?</p>&mdash; Whacktose Intolerant (@MillyTamarez) <a href="https://twitter.com/MillyTamarez/status/1157000537948217347?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>3.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Vibrator died so you know what i have to do <br> <a href="https://t.co/PUgf8YmXAS">https://t.co/PUgf8YmXAS</a></p>&mdash; moo moo mi-stletoe (@revelacaa) <a href="https://twitter.com/revelacaa/status/1156022107832115203?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 30, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>4.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">stalking a woman on instagram before a date: easy, 1,000 beautiful pictures of her, she is normal &amp; cool<br><br>stalking a guy on instagram: the hardest thing in the world, i guess he looks like a broken basketball hoop? his dog is cute, wait that&#39;s not his dog? he could be anyone</p>&mdash; ariel (@arielgitlin) <a href="https://twitter.com/arielgitlin/status/1156589541370847232?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>5.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Women in comedy have to be:<br>-Funny<br>-Mean, but still fun and chill and probably won’t get you in trouble<br>-Smart, but not intimidating<br>-Hot<br><br>Men in comedy have to be:<br>-Mostly funny<br>-Sometimes look like a crumpled bag of Funions,<br>-drive car?<br>-Probably grabbed your upper thigh</p>&mdash; 🦇❊ Hoe Rogan ❊🦇 (@DaniiGallegos_) <a href="https://twitter.com/DaniiGallegos_/status/1156270482112557056?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 30, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>6.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">The key to karaoke is embracing a musical interlude</p>&mdash; Katie Haller (@halleratyou) <a href="https://twitter.com/halleratyou/status/1156770284608921600?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>7.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: i hate clichés<br><br>author: the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one<br><br>me: *sobs* omg the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one</p>&mdash; cam (@justabookeater_) <a href="https://twitter.com/justabookeater_/status/1156051099528376320?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 30, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>8.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">If you give a mouse a cookie, <br>That is on YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>&mdash; Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) <a href="https://twitter.com/Party_Harderson/status/1156331532304261120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 30, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>9.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ok not to be a huge bitch but John Delaney has less followers than me and I tweet stuff like “horny for coffee”</p>&mdash; Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) <a href="https://twitter.com/Rachel_Sennott/status/1156729709226577922?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>10.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">john mulaney’s wife makes victorian lampshades and andy samberg‘s wife plays the harpsichord so what i’m hearing is that i need to get really good at something that was popular in the 1600s and a cool successful comedian will marry me</p>&mdash; kelly (@kelllicopter) <a href="https://twitter.com/kelllicopter/status/1157014103237394432?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>11.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">All of my tattoos are meaningful. They mean I’m fucking sick.</p>&mdash; genesis (@kornrare) <a href="https://twitter.com/kornrare/status/1156310106864267270?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 30, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>12.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">me: y’all fr be catering to grown ass men??? smh<br><br>my bf: my neck hurts I think I slept on it funny <br><br>me: <a href="https://t.co/GDVQsdcTlE">pic.twitter.com/GDVQsdcTlE</a></p>&mdash; RUBY (@rubysoleiI) <a href="https://twitter.com/rubysoleiI/status/1156276243949449216?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 30, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>13.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">men are fully 37 years old texting “sorry if it felt like u were feeling hurt by thinking that i treated you like a cum rag undeserving of respect,, i SAID in my tinder profile that i’m ~figuring things out and working on myself~ so kinda seems like your fault huh🤔”</p>&mdash; jamie (@veryhotmomm) <a href="https://twitter.com/veryhotmomm/status/1156578611396259840?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>14.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">You ever throw me into a pool, im dying off principal. Have fun with that murder charge <a href="https://t.co/rdhDygqSH2">pic.twitter.com/rdhDygqSH2</a></p>&mdash; lil ze$sst (@Seoul_Calibur) <a href="https://twitter.com/Seoul_Calibur/status/1155512937567653889?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 28, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>15.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be done but every yoga class I pick a class enemy and I honestly think it helps</p>&mdash; Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) <a href="https://twitter.com/AliseNavidad/status/1156714959885217792?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>16.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">ah shit. I just remembered everything I have ever said and done. and it&#39;s not great</p>&mdash; eClaire (simply begging you to get your flu shot) (@themanburglar) <a href="https://twitter.com/themanburglar/status/1157058787863420928?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>17.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Want to feel old? This is what Annie Hall and Alvy Singer look like now <a href="https://t.co/tEVJya1Pbc">pic.twitter.com/tEVJya1Pbc</a></p>&mdash; Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) <a href="https://twitter.com/HireMeImFunny/status/1157008188346118144?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>18.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I just want to say, if I don’t marry a man that does whatever weird shit our kids want than I have failed as a parent. <a href="https://t.co/zK9bNZKTqF">pic.twitter.com/zK9bNZKTqF</a></p>&mdash; Teagan (@TeaganKMannyy) <a href="https://twitter.com/TeaganKMannyy/status/1156761192796344321?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>19.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Queer Eye: This week we will be w a farmer in a white town in the woods who has never met a gay man<br><br>Bobby: this is like my childhood<br><br>JVM: CUTE, I love a man in overalls<br><br>Antoni: Will there be fresh avocadoes?!<br><br>Tan: *adjusts hair*<br><br>Karamo: This is like...my personal nightmare</p>&mdash; Bron.com (@brondotcomputer) <a href="https://twitter.com/brondotcomputer/status/1154855304548573184?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 26, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>20.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">my brain is like my internet browser. i got like 10 tabs open, two of them are frozen ... and where the fuck is that music coming from</p>&mdash; ugh (@gIitering) <a href="https://twitter.com/gIitering/status/1156968918822637568?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>21.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">any woman in any film: *becomes unhinged*<br>me: good for her</p>&mdash; follow igbopresenting damn (@igboadjacent) <a href="https://twitter.com/igboadjacent/status/1156828198895792128?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 1, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>22.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">When someone unworthy of you wants to smash <a href="https://t.co/Nbv88moSVH">pic.twitter.com/Nbv88moSVH</a></p>&mdash; Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) <a href="https://twitter.com/MaraWilson/status/1157352684149600256?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 2, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>23.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">re self hate: theres better people to hate</p>&mdash; Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) <a href="https://twitter.com/chelseaperetti/status/1157353979099021312?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 2, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>24.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Took out my headphones and realized me and my lyft driver were listening to the same Billy Joel song, which is the closest I’ve ever felt to someone while counting the minutes until I could leave them</p>&mdash; Julia Edelman (@_juliaedelman) <a href="https://twitter.com/_juliaedelman/status/1157151937365606401?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 2, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>25.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/ginnyhogan_/status/1157046725476884481?s=20</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

25 tweets from women this week that will make you smile, not that we're telling women to smile.

Between the two Democratic debates and one Trump rally, it was a banner week for screaming: some of it earned, and some of it racist (racists have yet to learn that the key to not being called racist is not being racist). Almost as cathartic as screaming in real life is figuratively yelling on Twitter. Here are the funniest tweets from the funniest Twitter this week.1.Giants Strippers 🤝 Grinding men’s bones to make their bread&mdash; cathy humes (@CrappyFumes) August 1, 2019 2.Sex is good but have you ever gotten a dm from someone saying your ex was so bad at DJ-ing he is no longer allowed back in the establishment?&mdash; Whacktose Intolerant (@MillyTamarez) August 1, 2019 3.Vibrator died so you know what i have to do  https://t.co/PUgf8YmXAS&mdash; moo moo mi-stletoe (@revelacaa) July 30, 2019 4.stalking a woman on instagram before a date: easy, 1,000 beautiful pictures of her, she is normal &amp; coolstalking a guy on instagram: the hardest thing in the world, i guess he looks like a broken basketball hoop? his dog is cute, wait that&#39;s not his dog? he could be anyone&mdash; ariel (@arielgitlin) July 31, 2019 5.Women in comedy have to be:-Funny-Mean, but still fun and chill and probably won’t get you in trouble-Smart, but not intimidating-HotMen in comedy have to be:-Mostly funny-Sometimes look like a crumpled bag of Funions,-drive car?-Probably grabbed your upper thigh&mdash; 🦇❊ Hoe Rogan ❊🦇 (@DaniiGallegos_) July 30, 2019 6.The key to karaoke is embracing a musical interlude&mdash; Katie Haller (@halleratyou) August 1, 2019 7.me: i hate clichésauthor: the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine oneme: *sobs* omg the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one&mdash; cam (@justabookeater_) July 30, 2019 8.If you give a mouse a cookie, That is on YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&mdash; Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) July 30, 2019 9.Ok not to be a huge bitch but John Delaney has less followers than me and I tweet stuff like “horny for coffee”&mdash; Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) August 1, 2019 10.john mulaney’s wife makes victorian lampshades and andy samberg‘s wife plays the harpsichord so what i’m hearing is that i need to get really good at something that was popular in the 1600s and a cool successful comedian will marry me&mdash; kelly (@kelllicopter) August 1, 2019 11.All of my tattoos are meaningful. They mean I’m fucking sick.&mdash; genesis (@kornrare) July 30, 2019 12.me: y’all fr be catering to grown ass men??? smhmy bf: my neck hurts I think I slept on it funny me: pic.twitter.com/GDVQsdcTlE&mdash; RUBY (@rubysoleiI) July 30, 2019 13.men are fully 37 years old texting “sorry if it felt like u were feeling hurt by thinking that i treated you like a cum rag undeserving of respect,, i SAID in my tinder profile that i’m ~figuring things out and working on myself~ so kinda seems like your fault huh🤔”&mdash; jamie (@veryhotmomm) July 31, 2019 14.You ever throw me into a pool, im dying off principal. Have fun with that murder charge pic.twitter.com/rdhDygqSH2&mdash; lil ze$sst (@Seoul_Calibur) July 28, 2019 15.I know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be done but every yoga class I pick a class enemy and I honestly think it helps&mdash; Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) July 31, 2019 16.ah shit. I just remembered everything I have ever said and done. and it&#39;s not great&mdash; eClaire (simply begging you to get your flu shot) (@themanburglar) August 1, 2019 17.Want to feel old? This is what Annie Hall and Alvy Singer look like now pic.twitter.com/tEVJya1Pbc&mdash; Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) August 1, 2019 18.I just want to say, if I don’t marry a man that does whatever weird shit our kids want than I have failed as a parent. pic.twitter.com/zK9bNZKTqF&mdash; Teagan (@TeaganKMannyy) August 1, 2019 19.Queer Eye: This week we will be w a farmer in a white town in the woods who has never met a gay manBobby: this is like my childhoodJVM: CUTE, I love a man in overallsAntoni: Will there be fresh avocadoes?!Tan: *adjusts hair*Karamo: This is like...my personal nightmare&mdash; Bron.com (@brondotcomputer) July 26, 2019 20.my brain is like my internet browser. i got like 10 tabs open, two of them are frozen ... and where the fuck is that music coming from&mdash; ugh (@gIitering) August 1, 2019 21.any woman in any film: *becomes unhinged*me: good for her&mdash; follow igbopresenting damn (@igboadjacent) August 1, 2019 22.When someone unworthy of you wants to smash pic.twitter.com/Nbv88moSVH&mdash; Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) August 2, 2019 23.re self hate: theres better people to hate&mdash; Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) August 2, 2019 24.Took out my headphones and realized me and my lyft driver were listening to the same Billy Joel song, which is the closest I’ve ever felt to someone while counting the minutes until I could leave them&mdash; Julia Edelman (@_juliaedelman) August 2, 2019 25.https://twitter.com/ginnyhogan_/status/1157046725476884481?s=20

Between the two Democratic debates and one Trump rally, it was a banner week for screaming: some of it earned, and some of it racist (racists have yet to learn that the key to not being called racist is not being racist). Almost as...