Sometimes people forget what decade, and century for that matter, we are living in. This isn't the 1950s, we don't need a man's permission to buy a car, go to work, or make choices that do not involve them.
I had a cancerous mole on my scalp, the options were to leave it be as it was slow growing, or cut it out. My doctor literally said “you know you will have a scar there right? How does your husband feel about that?”
Let me tell you how fucking fast I switched doctors. My f*cking husband would be ok if I was bald like fucking kip from futurama. IT'S FUCKING CANCER
When I bought my current car, I made the mistake of mentioning I had a male partner.
One car salesman I dealt with asked me about four times to get my boyfriend’s permission. The first time he mentioned it, I brushed it off by clarifying that I was buying this car, with my money, not my SO. But he kept bringing it up. “Have you asked your boyfriend about this?”
“Do you know what your boyfriend wants?” And every time, I told him some variation of: my boyfriend is not involved, this isn’t his money, he does not care about cars.
Finally, the last time he was like “well why don’t you come back with your boyfriend?” I almost lost it. I didn’t get mad or yell or anything, but I just stared at him and I was like “dude, for the last time, my boyfriend is not a part of this decision. He doesn’t give a shit about cars, he’s not paying for this car, and you are dealing with ME, not my boyfriend.”
Needless to say I ended up buying a car elsewhere.
I knew the exact model of the car i wanted, so i went to the dealership with my husband to check it out (i checked to make sure they had the model i was looking for, and everything). my husband was totally just chilling, he really only tagged along to drive me there (in case i bought the car and drove it home).
it was pretty clear that he did not give a fuck about what was going on -- he was literally sitting in the corner working on his laptop -- but the salesman kept asking him things, like 'oh, well what do you think?' or 'is that something you're looking for?'
my husband kept saying 'she's the one buying it' and 'it's her car, i don't care' but the guy kept pushing. finally my husband just left to go work on his laptop in his car, because this dude was so annoying.
i didn't end up buying the car from them, even though they were the only dealership in the area that had the model i was looking for. i drove to a dealership in the bay area instead (i live in LA...so, about 350 miles away) and bought the car there.
When I first started going to my stylist, I wanted my long hair cut into a short bob. She asked if my husband was ok with it. She's had SO's come in and yell at her for cutting hair off. Holy hell. I assured her that my husband has zero say in how I choose to wear my hair.
I went out with my ex to an ice cream/dessert parlour. I'm a pretty small size, gym regularly, etc etc, and I was starving and wanted a damn waffle. Ordered the most ridiculous thing I could find on the menu. Server looked at my ex and went 'are you okay with her ordering that?' D U D E
I was at a routine check up and my husband at the time came along. They asked what medications I was on and I verbally listed birth control. The doctor switched his gaze to my ex and asked if he wanted kids. My ex said yes and the doctor asked if he'd like to talk about easing me off birth control so I could have kids. My ex said yeah, sure.
I had to tell the doctor that I was still in the room and didn't want to ease off my birth control considering we were in marriage counseling for my ex cheating a week after the marriage he insisted on. The doctor said we obviously needed to talk and left us to talk. I set my ex straight and ended up not getting off birth control, but instead switching to an IUD.
Was in a popular video game store and my account had expired. I tell the guy at the counter that I need to renew my account and I give him my number. He doesn’t punch anything in and asks me “what’s your husbands name?”. And I’m immediately angry.
I tell him “I gave you the phone number” Guy “but it’s easier by name” Me “my name is .......” Guy doesn’t type anything again. Guy “I need the name of the account holder” Me “I am the account holder” Guy “Ma’am, I’m not trying to be rude but I can’t look it up by a secondary name. It needs to be the accounts main name”
I stare at him. Me “do you have a manager available?” Guy “I am the manager” Me “what part of ‘I am the account holder’ did you not understand? Are you purposefully being sexist or is this some kind of a joke?”
A LOT of men have proudly declared to me that they would NEVER let 'their woman' be a bartender. Men asked me aaaaall the time what my boyfriend thinks about it. Uhhhhh he likes that I have a job??
My favorite is when a guy followed that with, 'because I know the messed up things I say to women when I'm drunk!'
I was looking into donating my eggs years ago. The clinic wouldn’t even see me without my partner present, not even for a general information session. It was also a requirement that he signed a form giving his consent for me to proceed with any discussions, and I was given zero autonomy.
The same clinic, however, accepted semen samples from any male at any time with no partner involvement whatsoever. And the icing on the cake, they paid men for their samples while women weren’t allowed to “profit from their eggs”.
I disclosed my bisexuality at a routine sexual health checkup, to which the nurse replied 'What does your boyfriend think of that?' I was single at the time.
She then proceeded to lecture me that if I wasn't so promiscuous (I've had sex with a total of 3 people in my entire life) I wouldn't need to be there, and that my future boyfriend wouldn't like that I've been with so many people. I didn't manage to get a word in during this entire 3 minute tirade
I was at a computer repair shop for my laptop. My partner (male) came with (he is way more techy than me so I figured he could tell if I was being ripped off just in case), but he stayed nearer to the back of the store looking at computers. Guess who the computer store guy talked to?
Was it the woman who was actually speaking to him, standing right in front of his counter and holding the laptop she wanted fixed? Nope, he was basically yelling across the store to my partner. I would ask a question, he would yell the answer to my boyfriend.....
And then later that week when the computer guy messed up and we went in to speak to him, he had the nerve to tell my boyfriend I was being 'emotional' when I called him out for shady business practices.... Their store closed down so I win.
When I was being promoted from intern to full time at my current job, my boss asked me if “I was sure my husband was ok with this”. It was crazy to me to think 1) that my husband would ever be mad at me for getting a full time job and 2) why it was a prerequisite in her mind that I get his permission.
This didn’t happen to me, but happened to my sister and her wife when they moved from Tennessee to Maryland about 10 years ago.
They used a local Tennessee moving company to pack up and moved their stuff. When they got to Maryland, they found that a bunch of stuff had been pretty decently damaged, and that it was obvious their belongings hadn’t been packed right by the movers. So my sister called the company to complain and see if they could get a small amount knocked off their bill for the damages.
The owner refused to give her any sort of discount...and asked to speak to her husband. Because, as he said, “Women are just not rational about money.” My sister responded, “Excuse me? I don’t have a husband; I have a wife, and if you’d like to speak to her that’s fine, but she’ll say the same thing I’m saying.”
The owner then asked her if she was a Christian, at which point my sister hung up, called the Better Business Bureau, and they compensated her and her wife for the damages.
My husband and I have a rule: if the purchase is over $500, we need to discuss it. Anything under is fair game, HOWEVER, since I’m the only one that routinely buys large dollar amount items, I will try to run it by him prior to making the purchase if it’s over $150.
So, I was making a quilt for a friend, went to the store and spent $200. The cashier asked me if my husband is ok with me spending that kind of money. Fabric is fucking expensive. I explained our rule and walked out. Too bad it was the only decent shop in the area for quilting fabric.
When I got my first tattoo, everyone in my family would say things like “what if your future husband doesn’t like tattoos?” “Men don’t like tattoos and piercings!” “You’re never going to find a man that finds you beautiful, you’re ruining yourself!” It was so gross!
Recently, my mortgage company called me several times in a row and when I finally answered, the rep said, “Why don’t you talk to the husband and call us back?”
I said, “Why would I hang up and call back?”
He said, “Well, I’m not the person who handles this type of account so why don’t you talk to your husband and have him call us back.”
“Why would I tell my husband, who knows nothing about refinancing, that you’re not the person to talk to, and then have him, who knows nothing about refinancing, call you back, who can’t help us with the mortgage I set up?”
“Umm I guess I could transfer you right now.”
“Yes, you can.”
When I was new at a previous job, some of the older employees were chatting with me and asking about my life. One of them asked if I had kids or wanted them. I said no to both, and she smiled and said 'oh, but does your husband want kids?
That's what the deciding factor is,' and winked at me. I think she was trying to be playful or weirdly sexy, but still, gross. I was also not married at the time, but I was still a lesbian.
I recently had a neighbour come knock on my door... (holding a broken metal bracket)
'uhh, hi... is your husband home?'
no, I'm not married
'oh, uhh, is your boyfriend or the man of the house here?' (I have a boyfriend and a 6'5' son)
agitated NO, this is MY house, I pay the bills here
'uhhh. um do they have a welder I can borrow?'
FFS dude, why couldn't you just ask that in the first place?!!?
When I first moved to Chicago, I had an uber driver who was making small talk with me, and after I mentioned that I had moved from Kentucky only like a week prior, he goes “all the way from Kentucky? Your boyfriend let you do that?” Baffling because I had not mentioned a boyfriend and did not have one, but I still said “my boyfriend doesn’t let or not let me do ANYTHING.”
I was out eating with coworkers. One of them eats Halal and was describing some of the rules they follow. My husband is Jewish and keeps kosher, so I remarked how many of the rules are similar. We talked briefly about how I keep a kosher kitchen, but since I’m not Jewish I’ll indulge in non-Kosher cravings when we eat out.
He looks me right in the eye and says incredulously, “And your husband lets you eat like that?” Good lord, the fire burst from my lips so fast the whole table cringed. “My husband doesn’t let me do anything. I don’t have to ask permission for anything, thankyouverymuch.”
I was trying to join the Marine Corps. My husband is a Marine. The recruiter called me when I was out with my husband and asked me to come in so I brought him. The whole time the recruiter didn’t even LOOK at me. Referred to me as “she” and talked to my husband about everything. I did call him out on it, I don’t remember the outcome but it made me so angry.
Hopefully we can get these out-of-touch folks up to speed and into the 21st century, where they can feel comfortable talking to women about purchases, lifestyle choices, health, and everyday basic decisions that women are more than qualified to make independently.