Lifestyle

<p>It&#39;s International Women&#39;s Day, one day to celebrate women&#39;s lives and accomplishments (yes, there is an International Men&#39;s Day. It&#39;s November 19th). With the news so all-consuming and Twitter often defines by the whims of Donald Trump, here are 35 classic, hilarious, Trump free jokes from the internet&#39;s funniest women.</p><p>1.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">[inventing tupperware]<br><br>make it with a material that never lets them forget that one time they made spaghetti</p>&mdash; schmox (@IvoryGazelle) <a href="https://twitter.com/IvoryGazelle/status/889846442751397888?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 25, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>2.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Me: while you&#39;re up there let&#39;s do a Spider-Man kiss<br>My dental hygienist: still no</p>&mdash; baby girl da princess (@sug_knight) <a href="https://twitter.com/sug_knight/status/836327324324769796?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 27, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>3.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">So many friends have kids now it&#39;s tough to meet for coffee, let alone carry out the greatest casino heist the world has ever known</p>&mdash; Mave (@MavenofHonor) <a href="https://twitter.com/MavenofHonor/status/955826875623989249?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 23, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>4.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.</p>&mdash; Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) <a href="https://twitter.com/curlycomedy/status/435996217924132864?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 19, 2014</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>5.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.</p>&mdash; Ally (@TragicAllyHere) <a href="https://twitter.com/TragicAllyHere/status/840677644421255168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 11, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>6.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">everyone says eyes r the windows to the soul but no one talks about how eyebrows r the mustaches of the eyes</p>&mdash; May Wilkerson (@shutupmay) <a href="https://twitter.com/shutupmay/status/744915552418865152?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">June 20, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>7.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Men: Sexual consent is confusing sometimes <br><br>Women: I&#39;ve apologized to a cardboard cutout after bumping into it</p>&mdash; julia shiplett (@juliashiplett) <a href="https://twitter.com/juliashiplett/status/918535242792820737?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 12, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>8.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I appreciate that the saleslady informed me I&#39;d be more comfortable in a 36B cup size, but this is a Best Buy &amp; I&#39;m looking for humidifiers.</p>&mdash; Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) <a href="https://twitter.com/jenspyra/status/556958220485283840?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 18, 2015</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>9.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise</p>&mdash; rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) <a href="https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/617004827185446912?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 3, 2015</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>10.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">&quot;Are you still a useless piece of garbage?&quot; Netflix asks.</p>&mdash; batkaren (@batkaren) <a href="https://twitter.com/batkaren/status/935209714627039232?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 27, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>11.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/carriesnotscary/status/942824235818536965</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>12.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Results are in: a lot of people took the &quot;never change&quot; yearbook inscription way too seriously.</p>&mdash; Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) <a href="https://twitter.com/Manda_like_wine/status/625980910945464320?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 28, 2015</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>13.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">How did human beings express empathy before the phrase &quot;that sucks&quot; was coined?</p>&mdash; jess a brambles company ⚪️ (@jessokfine) <a href="https://twitter.com/jessokfine/status/971750871691296768?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 8, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>14.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">we&#39;re ruining our posture and eyes by staring at a screen all the time but at least it&#39;s negatively affecting our mind as well</p>&mdash; your own personal jesus (@Kappa_Kappa) <a href="https://twitter.com/Kappa_Kappa/status/920483778526449665?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 18, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>15.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">In the 1998 Disney film Mulan, Li Shang shuns Fa Mulan when he discovers that she is a woman because his attraction to her threatens his recent and hard-fought self-acceptance as a gay man. In this essay, I will</p>&mdash; Amanda Yeo⁰³²⁵ (@amandamyeo) <a href="https://twitter.com/amandamyeo/status/971506184027914240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 7, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>16.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">tilda swinton gently cradles you while describing a variety of small animal skulls (ASMR, 00:21:00)</p>&mdash; Quarantine Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) <a href="https://twitter.com/spookperson/status/970072013619412992?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 3, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>17.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">I have an hourglass figure, in that my body is a reminder of the inevitability of death</p>&mdash; sara 💌 mchenry (@yellowcardigan) <a href="https://twitter.com/yellowcardigan/status/457170240518901761?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 18, 2014</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>18.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/BronwynIsaac/status/944305999732621312</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>19.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Mantrum: A man&#39;s tantrum.<br><br>Example in a sentence: I&#39;m trying to make &quot;mantrum&quot; happen so please RT thanks</p>&mdash; Sally Ann Hall (@mesallyann) <a href="https://twitter.com/mesallyann/status/755452822016196608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 19, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>20.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/spies_please/status/647052507429105664</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>21.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Before you move to LA, ask yourself 1 question: are you cool being around elderly people who do cocaine</p>&mdash; Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) <a href="https://twitter.com/KarenKilgariff/status/966148127940997120?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 21, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>22.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">men are so predictable. you just poison them with mushrooms, care for them when they’re ill, remind them of their mothers, make them dependent on you, and bam they fall in love and wanna marry you. it’s the same ol story</p>&mdash; virgo girl (@hidianachan) <a href="https://twitter.com/hidianachan/status/969764411790581760?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 3, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>23.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">*maroon 5 band meeting*<br>&#39;Songs About Jane&#39; was a massive hit, let&#39;s never make anything that sounds like it ever again. do u guys like disco</p>&mdash; ME, meredith paul✨💫 (@mereip) <a href="https://twitter.com/mereip/status/790287159131533312?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">October 23, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>24.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Stranger @ bar: why do Asian people always put up 2 fingers in pics?<br>Me: it’s the avg # of times we get microaggressed per day ✌🏼😎✌🏼</p>&mdash; Karen Chee (@karencheee) <a href="https://twitter.com/karencheee/status/970877006236798977?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 6, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>25.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/marcellacomedy/status/440226506275450880</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>26.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">If there were a self-deprecation competition I&#39;d probably lose.</p>&mdash; Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) <a href="https://twitter.com/HireMeImFunny/status/816769794997358592?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 4, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>27.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">&quot;Ugh, vegans never shut up about being vegan.&quot;<br>Meanwhile... <a href="https://t.co/86p1dyvzRO">pic.twitter.com/86p1dyvzRO</a></p>&mdash; April Lavalle (@imatoofbrush) <a href="https://twitter.com/imatoofbrush/status/944209308845334528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 22, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>28.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">new cool way to flirt with a crush <a href="https://t.co/xYYNNgwXfc">pic.twitter.com/xYYNNgwXfc</a></p>&mdash; 𝘋𝘈𝘙𝘊𝘐𝘌 𝘞𝘐𝘓𝘋𝘌𝘙 (@333333333433333) <a href="https://twitter.com/333333333433333/status/971631536838791168?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 8, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>29.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Overseas booty call: Eur-up?</p>&mdash; Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) <a href="https://twitter.com/chelsea_davison/status/958412110890872832?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 30, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>30.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">What they say:<br><br>Hi I&#39;m Brandon. This is Liz and Steven.<br><br>What I remember:<br><br>Hi I&#39;m BLERPBLAP. This is GLAUNGH and CRAIG or maybe GREG.</p>&mdash; Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) <a href="https://twitter.com/ArielDumas/status/714657067127160832?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">March 29, 2016</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>31.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ordering delivery during the day should be considered a symptom of depression.</p>&mdash; Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) <a href="https://twitter.com/AlisonLeiby/status/967461696204955648?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 24, 2018</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>32.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog &quot;NO!&quot; and then more quietly, &quot;We talked about this!&quot;</p>&mdash; summer goth 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) <a href="https://twitter.com/NicCageMatch/status/454283596308959232?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 10, 2014</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>33.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/PeggySinnott/status/619371891308892160</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>34.</p><div class="oembedall-container sec-iframe sec-oembed-iframe"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Tip Like Somebody&#39;s Watching</p>&mdash; Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) <a href="https://twitter.com/alyssalimp/status/901101352545398784?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2017</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></div><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p>35.</p><oembed>https://twitter.com/ashleyn1cole/status/904075312354426884</oembed><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

35 hilarious tweets from women that have nothing to do with Trump.

It&#39;s International Women&#39;s Day, one day to celebrate women&#39;s lives and accomplishments (yes, there is an International Men&#39;s Day. It&#39;s November 19th). With the news so all-consuming and Twitter often defines by the whims of Donald Trump, here are 35 classic, hilarious, Trump free jokes from the internet&#39;s funniest women.1.[inventing tupperware]make it with a material that never lets them forget that one time they made spaghetti&mdash; schmox (@IvoryGazelle) July 25, 2017 2.Me: while you&#39;re up there let&#39;s do a Spider-Man kissMy dental hygienist: still no&mdash; baby girl da princess (@sug_knight) February 27, 2017 3.So many friends have kids now it&#39;s tough to meet for coffee, let alone carry out the greatest casino heist the world has ever known&mdash; Mave (@MavenofHonor) January 23, 2018 4.You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.&mdash; Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 19, 2014 5.Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.&mdash; Ally (@TragicAllyHere) March 11, 2017 6.everyone says eyes r the windows to the soul but no one talks about how eyebrows r the mustaches of the eyes&mdash; May Wilkerson (@shutupmay) June 20, 2016 7.Men: Sexual consent is confusing sometimes Women: I&#39;ve apologized to a cardboard cutout after bumping into it&mdash; julia shiplett (@juliashiplett) October 12, 2017 8.I appreciate that the saleslady informed me I&#39;d be more comfortable in a 36B cup size, but this is a Best Buy &amp; I&#39;m looking for humidifiers.&mdash; Jen Spyra (@jenspyra) January 18, 2015 9.am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise&mdash; rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) July 3, 2015 10.&quot;Are you still a useless piece of garbage?&quot; Netflix asks.&mdash; batkaren (@batkaren) November 27, 2017 11.https://twitter.com/carriesnotscary/status/94282423581853696512.Results are in: a lot of people took the &quot;never change&quot; yearbook inscription way too seriously.&mdash; Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) July 28, 2015 13.How did human beings express empathy before the phrase &quot;that sucks&quot; was coined?&mdash; jess a brambles company ⚪️ (@jessokfine) March 8, 2018 14.we&#39;re ruining our posture and eyes by staring at a screen all the time but at least it&#39;s negatively affecting our mind as well&mdash; your own personal jesus (@Kappa_Kappa) October 18, 2017 15.In the 1998 Disney film Mulan, Li Shang shuns Fa Mulan when he discovers that she is a woman because his attraction to her threatens his recent and hard-fought self-acceptance as a gay man. In this essay, I will&mdash; Amanda Yeo⁰³²⁵ (@amandamyeo) March 7, 2018 16.tilda swinton gently cradles you while describing a variety of small animal skulls (ASMR, 00:21:00)&mdash; Quarantine Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) March 3, 2018 17.I have an hourglass figure, in that my body is a reminder of the inevitability of death&mdash; sara 💌 mchenry (@yellowcardigan) April 18, 2014 18.https://twitter.com/BronwynIsaac/status/94430599973262131219.Mantrum: A man&#39;s tantrum.Example in a sentence: I&#39;m trying to make &quot;mantrum&quot; happen so please RT thanks&mdash; Sally Ann Hall (@mesallyann) July 19, 2016 20.https://twitter.com/spies_please/status/64705250742910566421.Before you move to LA, ask yourself 1 question: are you cool being around elderly people who do cocaine&mdash; Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) February 21, 2018 22.men are so predictable. you just poison them with mushrooms, care for them when they’re ill, remind them of their mothers, make them dependent on you, and bam they fall in love and wanna marry you. it’s the same ol story&mdash; virgo girl (@hidianachan) March 3, 2018 23.*maroon 5 band meeting*&#39;Songs About Jane&#39; was a massive hit, let&#39;s never make anything that sounds like it ever again. do u guys like disco&mdash; ME, meredith paul✨💫 (@mereip) October 23, 2016 24.Stranger @ bar: why do Asian people always put up 2 fingers in pics?Me: it’s the avg # of times we get microaggressed per day ✌🏼😎✌🏼&mdash; Karen Chee (@karencheee) March 6, 2018 25.https://twitter.com/marcellacomedy/status/44022650627545088026.If there were a self-deprecation competition I&#39;d probably lose.&mdash; Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) January 4, 2017 27.&quot;Ugh, vegans never shut up about being vegan.&quot;Meanwhile... pic.twitter.com/86p1dyvzRO&mdash; April Lavalle (@imatoofbrush) December 22, 2017 28.new cool way to flirt with a crush pic.twitter.com/xYYNNgwXfc&mdash; 𝘋𝘈𝘙𝘊𝘐𝘌 𝘞𝘐𝘓𝘋𝘌𝘙 (@333333333433333) March 8, 2018 29.Overseas booty call: Eur-up?&mdash; Chelsea Davison (@chelsea_davison) January 30, 2018 30.What they say:Hi I&#39;m Brandon. This is Liz and Steven.What I remember:Hi I&#39;m BLERPBLAP. This is GLAUNGH and CRAIG or maybe GREG.&mdash; Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) March 29, 2016 31.Ordering delivery during the day should be considered a symptom of depression.&mdash; Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) February 24, 2018 32.Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog &quot;NO!&quot; and then more quietly, &quot;We talked about this!&quot;&mdash; summer goth 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) April 10, 2014 33.https://twitter.com/PeggySinnott/status/61937189130889216034.Tip Like Somebody&#39;s Watching&mdash; Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) August 25, 2017 35.https://twitter.com/ashleyn1cole/status/904075312354426884

It&#39;s International Women&#39;s Day, one day to celebrate women&#39;s lives and accomplishments (yes, there is an International Men&#39;s Day. It&#39;s November 19th). With the news so all-consuming and Twitter often defines by the...